Ruthiespammie-Her everyday life

Start of 2011

2011-01-01T13:37:00.000+08:00

Today is the first of January twentyeleven, and I'm officially leaving this blog:D New blog located at simplyruthie.wordpress.com. Just like I'm starting a new notebook for the new year:D I shall have a new place to blog.

God has been faithful these past four years, snippets of which have been recorded on this blog.

End of 2010

2011-01-01T13:36:00.000+08:00

Christmas is tomorrow, and it's the last week to the end of December and 2010. I suppose I am due for a really long post, reflecting on not just this year, but the past four years. I've always thought of doing this, and the push was reading someone's blog that very sweetly summarised her experience in these four years. I doubt mine will be as concise and fresh, as I tend to be the kind that beats around the bush.

I've just created a new blog on wordpress, and I'll be moving there for the start of the new year of 2011. Wordpress has much better widgets and administration (for example, it tracks statistics). It's simplyruthie.wordpress.com. "simplyruth" was already taken.

Right now, I'm on my second last day at work. After this, I am just going to have a nice long rest to recharge for the new year. I suppose most people aren't that excited, but at the same time are a little afraid and unsure of the unknown. I have decided to put things, my future and decisions, into God's hands, as He knows best. (I promised to be more consistent in Quiet Time, but this week has just fallen away, just like so many other weeks.) I wonder how God will guide my steps, that's a very exciting thing now that I think about it, uncovering God's plan for your life:D

This holiday I signed up for a beginner guitar course, and attended a grand total of four 90-minute lessons. I now have a guitar at home, and hopefully I can pick up more skills on the guitar (right now it's just strumming chords.) I also signed up for an online Biblical Hebrew lesson trial, but it starts mid January (I'm paying the $150 from my paycheck!) Kay Yi invited me to her swimming training as well, and in the past week I have attended three sessions. I think I shall sign up for January-February as well. Swimming is really good exercise!

I guess I can say that I didn't waste my holiday (looking at my calendar, every single day I have done something of meaning). The only thing about it is that my holiday reading plan got thrown right out the window in the process. So last two weeks of the hols, I will be cramming books, I bought a couple of books before the holidays started and they are still languishing on my shelf:

Adam Smith's "Wealth of Nations"
F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby"
Leo Tolstoy's "Anna Karenina"
Charles Dicken's "Great Expectations"

Plus my Chinese tuition teacher Yan Lao Shi gave me some Chinese books herself, which I have yet to read!

Oh dear this post was supposed to be reflecting, but I've ended up making plans for the future!

Holidays!

2010-11-14T00:34:00.000+08:00

I have abandoned the blog for a journal. Just returning for a while. I'm caught between wanting to record everything down, and perhaps just leaving myself to enjoy those moments just once and leave them as that, for there's always the future to look forward to, and what's the point of resting on past memories?

We had a many things going on, I think I will still just look back on this time of my life with much fondness, appreciation and love for the many wonderful people I have been surrounded by, that made life so meaningful.

Tomorrow is Hedda Gabler, today skipped out of rehearsal for a while to join the fedele foveo mentorship course:) I don't know if it's a bad thing that I choose not to regret whatever I do, even though there certainly are many things I could've done better, or should have done better, and I'm not sure that perhaps if I had more willpower and discipline and really would have done. Like coming earlier to school, or being a better mentor for my juniors. I KNOW all the theory, that's all very common-sensical, but it really is the WILL to put it into action.

I've got to get my buddy outing together, as well as catch up with Amanda, I've not been there for her like we've been teaching foveo this morning. Feel like a hypocrite.

I hate those pangs, or just tiny creepings of feelings of jealousy. Especially when they are on people whom I really really admire and appreciate and are so special.

Perhaps I'll actually start on that nanowrimo thing. 50 000 words in 2 weeks essentially, because out of November, I've only got this week (which is pretty cluttered already) and the week after ICYL. Hmm...

Time to get to bed now. zzzzz night

Retail Therapy

2010-09-27T22:32:00.000+08:00

Mr Chew was on MC today, so we all left for home earlier. However I was just feeling empty and not wanting to go home, so I dawdled along and walked around Ion, spending an hour at prologue. Then I went back to the mrt to go home, and then spent another 45 mins at Popular deciding on what to spend my Popular vouchers on.

House is in a mess, without a maid and without grandma to keep it clean and tidy. It's driving me close to nuts. I think it's quite a funny thing that I'm quite a particular person inclined towards neatness and having routine and order in my life, when my family (actually just my dad and two brothers) are totally the opposite. It's teaching me patience I suppose. But I can't live in a pig sty...that somehow boys can, even my father.

Same thing with punctuality. I suppose I really would like to be a punctual person, but out of familial habit I tend to be late for things, and push things to the last minute, and make bud misjudgments of time.

Actually it'll be good for my brothers to have routine and order in their lives. They are gone crazy now, on the road to getting out of control. I pray they become good boys.

I just need this rant, I think, somehow I'm super stressed (and yet not doing anything, compounding the stress) just thinking about having Math, Chinese and German altogether.

Dear God, please help me. (I wonder how other people manage, in lives so chaotic, unpredictable and stressful too...some say religion is a crutch, but I think believing in Jesus means getting rid of the unreliable crutch that is ourselves, ugly & undependable, and running into the all-encompassing comforting arms of Jesus.)

The Kite Runner

2010-09-21T20:54:00.000+08:00

Today is Tuesday, the day I go back to school for a block of PE:)

So anyways I spent the entire day reading "The Kite Runner". I wouldn't say it was a waste of time, although I just got the knowledge that reading books takes longer than you realise banged into my head. I think I broke a record on Saturday, I read the Lions of Al-Rassan into the wee others of the morning of the next day at 6.30am. After this, I will start on my Literature EE (I've gotta finish it, because I've got my History EE to do as well).

First, I was not planning to read it today, but I just picked it up and to start in the middle of the book nearing the ending, and obviously got hooked, and started from the beginning again. The tear-jerker, is not cliched breaking up and hurt, but the innocence and unstinting love exemplified in loyal Hassan towards his friend, Amir. He protects Amir and sacrifices himself in service to him.

Amir, loves Hassan too and enjoys being with him. They are more than childhood friends, bound irrevocably by the bond they shared as babies at the breast of the same nurse, the deep memories as playmates, but more than that. I love how their relationship was encapsulated in this exchange. "And, under the same roof, we spoke our first words. Mine was Baba. His was Amir. My name."

Hassan's devotion is unstinting, his love unconditional. But unspeakable jealousy clouds Amir's thoughts and actions, as he fights, no, more like struggles, for his father's attention and pride. This jealousy, tinged with a cowardice leads to the one act that changes their relationship. A crime of inaction, when Amir is unable to find the impetus to stand up for Hassan when the time comes.

The consequences are devastating, as Amir lives under a new shadow of guilt unable to unburden himself of his betrayal. The continuing devotion that Hassan shows to him, notwithstanding what Amir did, or didn't do, compounds Amir's guilt, insecurity and anger. This one scene is heart-breaking, Amir throws pomegranates at Hassan, challenging him to "Hit me back!" Hassan does nothing, and Amir shouts "You're a coward! Nothing but a goddamn coward!" The words hauntingly reflect Amir more than anything else. Finally, Hassan stands up, picks a pomegranate and crushes it against his own forehead. (This scene is depicted in the movie. I think the movie does well in picking out the key symbolic scenes, and managing to keep the emotions, however as expected, the book is a lot richer in depth and details.)

Amir cannot live with the feelings that Hassan's presence stirs up in him, and chooses to ignore and shut them out instead. He frames Hassan of stealing, but Amir's father unexpectedly forgives him and even begs them to remain when long-time servant Ali chooses to leave. In the end their friendship is cut off as Ali and Hassan leave. Five years later, with the takeover of Kabul by the Russian Communists, Amir and his father flee to America.

This first part only takes up the first one-third of the book, but it is, in my opinion what makes the story. It is the foundation for Amir's internal demons and everything that happens later. Years later, "a way to be good again" is open to Amir, in the rescuing of Hassan's son, Sohrab, from the hands of the Taliban. He is now orphaned, his parents killed in their final act of devotion of caretaking for Amir's father's home. In the rescuing of Sohrab, and suffering for it, lies Amir's redemption from years of doubt and guilt.

The depiction of Sohrab, his withdrawal, silence and attempted suicide is beautiful in its reality. A child who has his parents torn away from him prematurely, psychologically damaged by mistreatment under a sociopath. Having been saved and brought back to America into a caring family, Sohrab doesn't return to his old carefree self. In the overwhelming despair, the story ends with just a little glimmer of hope. Amir runs the kite for Sohrab, just as Hassan did for him years ago, and we feel that things have come full circle. Though things in the moment are far from bright, it is looking up, and a rejoicing in the little moments that bring hope.

I love how depths of meaning and feeling are embodied in the key lines of the story. The line "For you, a thousand times over". So simple, yet the embodiment of love, affection, complete and utter devotion.

Oh dear, I cry thinking about the line. I think what the author has done well is in capturing these nuanced emotions in the moments, without needing to indulge in lengthy descriptions of the character's thoughts and feelings. It is captured in the pure and simple acts, brought to the reader's attention.

Thinking about it, I'm glad I picked up this book. In the ultimate act of devotion that Hassan shows in the story, he is described as a lamb. "Hassan didn't struggle. Didn't even whimper. He moved his head slightly and I caught a glimpse of his face. Saw the resignation in it. It was a look I had seen before. It was the look of the lamb." The author describes how the sacrificing of a lamb is like "The sheep kicks, but not much. The mullah grabs it under its jaw and placed the blade on its neck. Just a second before he slices the throat in one expert motion, I see the sheep's eyes. It is a look that will haunt my dreams for weeks...But I always watch. I watch because of that look of acceptance in the animal's eyes. Absurdly, I imagine the animal understands. I imagine the animal sees that its imminent demise is for a higher purpose. This is the look..."

I can't help but see the parallel in Jesus' death, the ultimate sacrifice, on the cross. I understand and feel a bit more what Jesus' death was. He died, in complete and utter devotion, just like Hassan, for worthless people like us. We have done so many bad things, we have even not done things we should have, and yet he came to die to save us. I can imagine God saying it, "For you, a thousand times over" He would die on the cross a thousand times over, he would do anything, everything to save us from our wretched circumstances. Amir had to return years later to rescue Sorhab, and in so doing return in a small part what Hassan did for him. He had his burden lifted off him. However with God, nothing we do could ever make up for what he did (actually we do get that feel from Amir in the Kite Runner), yet amazingly our burdens can be lifted if we only confess our sins, ask for forgiveness, acknowledge that He is God and ask him to take over in our lives.

I also well learned how powerful the slingshot can be like in David and Goliath.

Alrightos time for dinner. My appreciation for Literature has grown yet again...but first we must get back to the practical living of every day.

(Right, recently, I have also wondered if humans have some sort of predisposition to violence. In Options class yesterday, Mr Chew shared on why his neighbour would continue to vote PAP no matter what, because in contrast to the instability of the past, what we have today in spite of all the imperfections is a world away. Specifically, because he witnessed the Chinese with all their knives attacking Chinese, he witnessed with his own eyes, an elderly Malay woman being beheaded. After reading Lions of Al-Rassan, with loads of fighting, describing how a mob just goes crazy and slaughters people, and then the Kite Runner writes of the Taliban who kill without batting an eyelid, plus the Red Badge of Courage, which is on Civil War. Are we numbed? Am I living a world away from a reality that to others are commonplace? Will we never learn?)

Monday - First Options Day

2010-09-21T00:14:00.000+08:00

Wells I suppose I broke my promise yesterday. Have not finished reading Red Badge of Courage, and I have borrowed yet another English Book:

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

I borrowed the movie, and then thought I might as well get the book as well. Just spent time watching the movie which has a running time of two hours. It was very touching, and sad especially when Hassan was beaten up (okay, now I realise, raped) for refusing to give up the kite that he was running for Amir. The loyalty that he displayed, the interaction between the two boys is what really made the show in my opinion. After that, Amir grown up and going back to rescue Hassan's son just became a natural petering out of the movie. The innocence and we know deep feeling that came from Hassan at the beginning when he said "For you, a thousand times over." really prevents the final scene when Amir says the same thing to Hassan's son from being cliched and making it really touching.

I think the book will give a lot more insight to the story, a lot more depth to the characters and thoughts. I'll be reading it soon, I hope. And I can see, bawling my eyes out too. Why oh why is there so much trouble in the world.

Speaking of Options, no enrichment modules for first week So had pharmaceutical chemistry and Politics & the Modern Society. Three-quarters of the class sharing these same two lessons. Sounds promising from the first lessons:) Am looking forward to future lessons.

End Of EYAs (except Math)

2010-09-20T00:32:00.002+08:00

Since it is late I will not have the time to do a proper posting. But probably just some stuff I would like to blog about the next time I have a chance. EYAs ended on Friday for me with the RA History paper, easier than I expected. We went to Sab's home after it was decided a class outing at West Coast would be unwise given the weather forecasts for thunderstorms throughout Singapore. We had a Funny near escape running from the rain all the way between the school gates to the bus stop.

That was the day I first watched:
(500)Days of Summer
Which in my opinion is not your typical movie, or story about love as the mature cool voiced narrator puts it. I love how cliches are overturned, exploiting common knowledge of the cliches to make the movie much more interesting. Liked the unusual way of presenting it in a non-chronological order, using day numbers and citing scenes in here an there, the music played a very important role in quickly bringing across the mood and message of each short scene, and I'm glad to say that the soundtrack is indeed delightfully suitable to the movie. Top it all off with a very pretty female lead who breaks hearts in the movie an a really good Joseph Gordon Levitt who is bound to break many hearts in reality. JGL was absolutely perfectly cast in the role, able to express a certain rashness and vulnerability at the same time.

We also caught
Billie Elliot
Which was a sad inspirational realistic show set in 1980s England during the mining strikes. About a boy who stumbles into ballet classes and who has a hidden talent for it. Lots of swearing, and the people are all screwed. But I love how it doesn't make things easy, the characters are rough people, toughies, but when it comes to it, the love they have simmers underneath and glimmers through in how they just go on, and sacrifice for each other in an understated way. Simple actions, just one hug from an otherwise senile grandmother, is touching enough. The frustration comes through as well, but the family gets on with what life gives them.

I wanted to watch war documentaries on YouTube but instead I was introduced to the wonders of Kurt Schneider with Sam Tsui and Charlie. Hee hee Kurt Schneider is like Sab'a first fan-girl over (and as I found out today, Ting Fang is crazy over as well.) I personally am simply very impressed by the talent that they have, and I have I admit a little awed as well (I mean majoring in math at Yale and so creative and musically-gifted. Quite a wonderful thing, talent is)

I borrowed the below first two books from Jessie and Isabelle. Which I spent the weekend reading. I have found that I have learned not to rush my reading, and in so doing be able to grasp the story as well as make my own interpretations of it at the same time. It is time go to bed now, so i shall 'review' them another time.

Book Reviews
Lion of Al-Rassan by Guy Gavriel Kay
Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner

And I'm currently in the midst of this book an I will finish it soon!
The Red Badge of Courage

Ruefully, I have told myself that after this I will stop all English books for a time and read German and Chinese. I've got 'Die zerbrochene Melodie' and clearing op my room I found many 'Geng Yun' issues and 'You Jin' writings. I've created a book list though, and once all this craziness is over I will love myself in a library till my eyes squint tiredly at every letter in the books and when my eyelids relieve my pupils of their sight duties, for a time.

For now, it's focus on Math, German, Chinese and my two extended essays. Plus organizing an outing/study session with my buddies, and Amanda. Plus the Hedda Gabler production that we are going to put up. Why does it seem I can never keep myself free?

But anyways before the coming of all that, today was a well-spent day together with the half of chwelf that had turned up at the Botanic Garden. Got sorta lost finding the symphony lake and fortunately found Janne, the first to arrive. We were playing frisbee and Sab very wisely brougt drinks and very nicely brought bee Hoon for all of us:) played frisbee, then tricked Shao into rolling down the hill when she came, after which we all merrily took our turns. Ambushed Ting fang and Ni Qiana when they came and finally our beloved Karen. After that we didn't continue with Jodi and Stef however. We discovered that along with the ehilatation, log-rolling on grass down a hill had a little side-effect and that was itchiness. Later we played with the football, and were joined by two Caucasian kids, not more than seven, Max and. Ben. A little girl came along as well, Julia and we spen quite a while playing with them, giving them enough leeway and pressure at the same time so that they would do well and also not get bored.it was really hot and humid though, the sun beating down on our backs though it was only 4, and we finally succumbed to the comforts of Shiren's home, declaring we had had enough of nature for the day.

Shiren's grandparents were really nice and welcomed us in. We basically spent the rest of the time from 6-8 talking, first about horrid slimy teachers in the school, moving on to more interesting topics, and imagining how a gathering between us would be like in the future. Funny thoughts on 'breeding' our children, and who would become a cougar. All the time punctuated with mentions of Kurt Schneider, who almost became a motif at our dinner table:)

Now am safely home typing this out mum's iPhone. I ought to get back to bed, but firs without forgetting that originally this post was meant to be brief. Wells, I shall have school tomorrow, a long day full of options.

Goodnight!
(I just realized that goodnight is a really meaningful send off, really wishing the other person to have a 'good' restful night free from worries.

Mittwoch

2010-09-08T19:53:00.000+08:00

I need to record this momentous day...where I cleared my room out:) Yay it's clean now.

I found all the little notes that people have written to me (and I've written to people but never passed to them...I'm the worst ever...) And so I have made a resolution to write notes to everybody and send it to them by post.

So the people I've gotta write for:
Chwelfness
OMers
Fedelians
PB Juniors
Aikirinashi
NJRC Team
Cell:)
Other people: Symone, Grace, Yi Wye, Samantha.

I will mail them all out like little packets!

Oh and I don't know if I should go look for my primary primary haig girls' school friends during the holiday now. I found the poems that Yi Wye and I wrote, and some of their numbers. I don't know if it'll be awkward. But I will try:) And reclaim friendships. I found this quote that I copied down too: Friends are like money, easier made than kept. Which is so true.

Oh, and I thought of something I will do during the holidays. Clear out our house! Moses and Jeremiah's room has remained the store room ever since we moved in 2008, two years ago!

Oh yes and reminder to self:
- Cash in cheque for SLI bouquets
- Spend Popular vouchers by end September.

So now that I have recorded this day down...I've got to go back to studying...for the EYAs! AAAHHHH!

Blood Brothers

2010-08-10T12:41:00.000+08:00

Above is the title of the book "Blood Brothers: The Unforgettable story of a Palestinian Christian working for Peace in Israel" The Palestinian Christian in question being Elias Chacour, and the book written with David Hazard.

Have basically spent my entire National Day, after waking up at 1pm reading this book. Watching the celebrations on TV. I would feel more appreciative and proud of our country reading about the hard toil and vision of our Founding Fathers, am not really in celebratory mood I suppose. We were at the National Library yesterday, and Grandma photocopied a couple of pages from a magazine (PAP's Petir) on the late Dr Goh Keng Swee. I felt so much respect and awe for him. (He did so many things and his legacy lives on in our lives.) Remember Mr Chew's words on, how hypocritical, that only after his death do all the eulogies appear. Truly, to not be hypocritical, I suppose, we will build on what he has built. I have got to read a lot more about Dr Goh (and all those books on our Founding Fathers) and learn from them.

One piece of information I learned, and that shows Dr Goh's wisdom:

"It was Goh who insisted that the Currency Board - a colonial legacy - issue Singapore dollars, rather than the MAS when it was set up. Again, Singapore stood out as an exception among newly independent states. Acknowledging that it was "a strange anachronism in this age of electronic finance", he argued that governments cannot "spend their way to prosperity" and that every single Singapore dollar has to be fully backed by reserves. This prevents over-issuing of new money that can lead to inflation, and ensures the country's currency remains stable."

The little paragraph ended with "However, MAS has since taken over the board's functions". Dr Goh was truly wise and very very discriminating in his use of taxpayers money, his frugality, evidenced from the littlest of things to the biggest of things, was lauded by so many individuals. He wished to build, and he did build Singapore on such strong foundations. He started the savings culture with POSB, and "Singapore now has one of the highest national savings rates in the world - 55 per cent." Unfortunately, a great deal has changed since then and now, if you would describe government policy now, it is "spending [our] way to prosperity".

I cannot recall the actual quote, but I read in the Straits Times spread on Dr Goh, that when asked what motivated him, it was seeing the many little children streaming out of school and worrying about what was going to happen to them when they grew up, would they have work, would they have a future? This is what I wish would be my motivation, and the motivation for many more people.

I haven't talked about the book "Blood Brothers" yet. It's a biography about Elias Chacour's life, and his is an amazing story. He is a Palestinian, native to the land of Israel, and yet he, his family, his entire community and many other villages was displaced and made homeless by the Zionists who tricked and forced them out of their homes. It shed light on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and the tumultuous birth of modern-day Israel. (We can't always trust international news reports that are biased, and things are never as straightforward as they seem.) The focus was still on his life, and he shares a message of reconciliation between Palestinians and Jews, who are historically, through Abraham, blood brothers.

Yups, so now that my whole day has been spent on this, I've got to get to my Social Studies PT, that is on internet and music:)

The Brick Tower & It could have been you or me

2010-08-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

Extract from: The Brick Tower - a speech by Justin Hudson

However, ladies and gentlemen, more than happiness, relief, fear or sadness, I feel a very strong emotion that I cannot ignore today. More than anything else, today I feel guilty.

I feel guilty because I don’t deserve any of this. And neither do any of you. We received an outstanding education at no charge based solely on our performance on a test we took when we were eleven year olds, or four year olds. We received superior teachers and additional resources based on our status as “gifted”, while kids who naturally needed those resources much more than us wallowed in the mire of a broken system. And now, we stand on the precipice of our lives, in control of our lives, based purely and simply on luck and circumstance. If you truly believe that the demographics of Hunter represent the distribution of intelligence in this city, then you must believe that the Upper West Side, Bayside and Flushing are intrinsically more
intelligent than the South Bronx, Bedford-Stuyvesant and Washington Heights, and I refuse to accept that.

TODAYonline | Singapore | It could have been you or me
What touched me the most was the great humility Mr Buffett displayed. First, he said that, while what he was giving away was large in an absolute sense, many others who are less well off give more in a comparative sense, including those who give generously of their time to help others.

Second, he did not attribute his great wealth to him being superior to others. "My wealth has come from a combination of living in America, some lucky genes and compound interest," he said.

"Both my children and I won what I call the ovarian lottery. (For starters, the odds against my 1930 birth taking place in the US were at least 30 to 1. My being male and white also removed huge obstacles that a majority of Americans then faced.)

"My luck was accentuated by my living in a market system that sometimes produces distorted results, though overall it serves our country well. I've worked in a economy that rewards someone who saves the lives of others on the battlefield with a medal, rewards a great teacher with thank-you notes from parents but rewards those who can detect the mispricing of securities with sums reaching into the billions.

"In short, fate's distribution of long straws is wildly capricious."

... Mr Buffett said his philanthropy is driven by gratitude and not guilt. I hope that as we become more affluent and have better access to education and healthcare, we do not forget to help those who are poor, have little education or are sick. It may help to remember this: It could have been me.

Back to School

2010-08-06T22:50:00.000+08:00

This is my fourth day back in school. I had many things to say before starting this post, how I always come up with things in my head as "what would sound good on my blog". And quoting Esther from her blog: i wanted to say a lot of things but i forgot D:

Haha, so since the previous sentence, I have come to the end of the first week at school. Examinations are looming on the horizon. It's the one thing I'm focusing on now, or trying to at least. I've been having fruitless afternoons, when it comes to doing my homework or studying. This long weekend, I hope, will be a productive one.

Remembering how on the last day at APYLS, I was walking around the quiet compound quite aimlessly, wishing to see someone to talk to, depressed by a sense of loss. After school nowadays, I'm getting that feel. No more stuff to stay back for, but old habits die hard, and so I remain in school and try to study, albeit quite unsuccessfully.

And then the need to have a good talk with someone, anyone. Yet at the same time, not being able to bring up a meaningful conversation with anyone. I am lost for words sitting at the class table every recess and lunch, with my lunchbox. (on a random side note, classmates saying my food looks yummy really makes my food taste yummier to myself!) Wanting to say something and yet unable to say anything.

So now I'm talking to my blog.

Okies, but sometimes, most of the times, I'd rather sit in a corner and enjoy witnessing the little moments, or just being a small part of it. I don't need to have heart-to-heart talks with people, just see them and have fun together doing silly little things. I realised I'm not a "people's person" in being outgoing and extremely friendly, but I enjoy the company of people, and it motivates and energises me. It's actually a human need to have companionship. Every time I walk out of school down Anderson Road alone, I secretly wish I'd bump into a friend to talk to.

I need to talk about my Wednesday:) School ended at 1.10pm, then we had a CARS & XMEN (heh, I prefer SALA, and I think I'll always use that when I think of them) meeting with Ms Ong to talk briefly about EXCO 2011. Hmm, then I did our OM report with Jinni. National Day Celebrations rehearsal were on, so I went to support our wonderful classmates Isabelle, Deborah and Huifei:) See Esna setting up the zip line with Softball. Meet yearmates who are there for the school parade practice and play with them, find Ying Xin who is having very bad cramps, sit with her till her dad comes. Return the hot water bottle. Finally, go up to the library to try and study. Then I send my OM reflections for printing and realise that my wallet is missing. Walk all around school retracing my path to look for it...finally bump into yearmates again, and Sara sees my wallet where I left it on the Raffles Tree when I was playing a jumping game with Sandra:) Soon after, got chased out of the library at 5.30pm, went down to meet Debo and Yinwen to discuss Lit PT.

Well, that seemed more like a chronicle.

I'm so distracted! My bro is trying to get the com for me. I've been using it for roughly three hours now. Doing what exactly I have no one answer, because I've got so many tabs and I'm all over the place.

I don't know if I'll ever return to read all my blog posts. My daddy asked me before if I kept a diary (well, not exactly, but I write my thoughts down on random different notebooks sometimes. I am able to write more when I blog, because of the liberties I take with the keyboard.) and I told him I have a blog. So he said, but isn't it supposed to be private? Yup, but not many people read my blog, I said. Yes now that I'm up to here in my blog post, I don't know what to say to anyone who wades through such long self-indulgent posts of mine. Thanks for bearing with me?

Another thing, people always seem so intelligent when they actually sit and write their thoughts down. There are things they are thinking and feeling that they express so well. It's always nice reading these wonderful insights that other people have, just that online, I always wonder if it was meant to be shared, if I was meant to see it. (So, blurring of public and private spheres due to "new media". SS!)

One last thing, I don't think it's good, but now that I'm trying to focus on the exams, I'm realising how competitive I am. And fighting all the thoughts of comparing myself to other people, especially when receiving marks, even doing homework and paying attention in class.

You know how the same piece of information can be seen in different lights. So reading really good writing from so many people in the world, I've been getting this very selfish and evil feeling of self-insecurity, that other people can write so much better. On the other hand, I know the right response, and the uplifting and edifying one is to really appreciate the writing (which I do). The key is in loving the writer, the person who wrote it:)so you feel that their gain is your own gain, and their loss is yours too, and I can feel proud of their work. A good example are my RALA classmates, whom I know are so talented.

There's talent everywhere, and I'm in awe of what so many people can do. Write, sing, act, do math, science, dance, design, art, work up a crowd, make speeches...

I don't know where I heard this before, but "it takes more courage to live than to die". In so many instances this rings true.

APYLS Journal - Jessica Kabigting

2010-07-31T01:09:00.000+08:00

I felt that this post from Jessica truly sums up some of my main sentiments with regard to what we shall do with the experiences from this camp:

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This final journaling session may indicate that this summit is coming to a close, but I’d like to think otherwise. I don’t want to refer to this as the “beginning of the end”, but rather, it will serve as the transition to a new phase for us delegates. As we board our flights and return home, filled with the new ideas that we picked up here, we face yet another challenge. What we learned from APYLS is definitely worthy of sharing with others, especially those from back home.

I don’t think I could ever summarize everything I learned from this experience with only one word. Heck, a whole journal entry won’t even suffice. What made this summit so special is the collective learning aspect of it all—how we exchanged views and learned from each other—all stepping stones to being global citizens.

Living in Singapore for almost two weeks also gave me a whole new different perspective when looking at several things. It’s amazing how such a young country has grown into a technologically-advanced and economic hub. I’m sad to say that during the first week of the summit, my thoughts would constantly start with “If only the Philippines were like this…” Now I’ve avoided thinking along those lines, and I’ve focused more on how much we can learn from Singapore by putting into effect certain systems that have been tried and tested here.

I think one of my most important realizations from all the speakers would be that effective planning could be the key for my country. This would jumpstart a cycle which, when found to function without any flaws, could contribute positive results in the areas of economy, education, environmental protection, etc. If Singapore had gone past the rough patches they had encountered after separating from Malaysia, then the Philippines has every chance of succeeding, as well.

Honestly speaking, I felt quite inadequate at the beginning of this summit, maybe because I knew that the other delegates all hailed from countries considered superpowers, while we come from a place that is, for lack of a better term, third world. I was anxious that there would be social divides between us because we would have different point of views, which are greatly influenced by various factors, especially where they reside. However, everyone here proved me wrong. We’re all young leaders here, and we all share a common mission—to become global citizens.

Putting the seriousness aside, it is undeniable that my favorite part of this summit would be the people— my beloved Philippine delegates (Tin and Desi), my roommates who were my personal alarm clocks for the past few days (shoutout to Audrie, Shahd and Sisi!), our warm and bubbly facilitators who served as our paparazzi (heehee) , as well as all the other friends that I had met throughout the summit. It saddens me that we have to part ways in more or less, a day, even though for me, ten days is certainly not enough, but I believe that despite the thousands of miles between us, we’d always find a way to keep in touch. J I LOVE YOU GUYS! THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!

APYLS Journal Entry 5

2010-07-31T01:06:00.002+08:00

Boo hoo it's the second last day of APYLS, and everyone is going around collecting autographs or taking pictures with each other. We're all really tired at the same time, which is quite funny because we want to sleep yet talk at the same time (well, at least I do). But there are a lot of people whom I want to get to know better, but don't really know how to talk to or what to talk about. Sometimes words just feel hollow. I hope most people know how that feels. But on the whole, I will try my best to banish my sleepiness and treasure all remaining time left:)

Moving on to the activities we had today. Firstly we visited the Urban Redevelopment Authority. We had free time to just explore the exhibits, which weren't very much. Later we had a short introduction and a Q&A session. I was struggling with the sleep cloud above my head. All I got was that they plan Singapore's land usage, so that's rather straightforward. Someone asked about our garbage disposal system, and I felt that was a good question, and I ended up talking to Katy about it:) Singapore needs to create a better culture for recycling I feel.

Then it was the Land Transport Authority. This time struggling really hard to prevent my heavy eyelids from falling. Asked questions about ERP. I suppose if the money collected is used well, then I have less of a violent objection to it. It still doesn't terribly make sense to me that ERP is used to cure congestion. If people were to left on their own to figure themselves out, people would naturally leave home earlier to skip the jam, they don't need to be charged, although that is an added incentive. I didn't really make my question very clear, I think cause I mixed a couple of ideas together. One about the very specific price changes, I find it quite control freakish, like tinker with a little something here and a something there to get what you want. But for all my qualms, I would say Singapore has quite a good public transport system.

The exhibits were really cool and quite hi-tech. I realise a lot of places are now using the sliding screen idea. There was this cool sit in a chair and click green or red buttons game. I felt bombarded my "propaganda", telling us what the right answer was. The last gallery was a projection of the future. There was this on-screen personal assistant "Alice". I personally found it rather disturbing, I hope our future does not have such intelligent artificial intelligence, that helps you make decisions and knows more about your family than you do. Eeks.

Finally we visited the Housing and Development Board. I am actually quite proud of it, but I guess it didn't sink it until today how the large amount the government is actually subsidising. I must say that I am personally a beneficiary of the HDB system:) because that's how my parents got their flat, and my home. It's really awesome I feel, that people are able to have their own home, to be able to own something. Homes are very important, because everyone needs their own space and a stable environment to live and grow in.

And because today is our last journaling session, I really have to say some more. I really love all the people here:) especially all those who have been terribly kind and friendly to me. Also the facilitators who have put so much time and effort into the summit, they deserve my BIG THANK YOU! TERIMA KASIH! DANKE SCHON! XIE XIE!

Toodles!

APYLS Journal Entry 4

2010-07-31T01:05:00.002+08:00

Let's start with yesterday:) Recreation day. In the morning we had a visit to Sentosa. I really loved the skyride and luge, but I felt that the trail could have been longer. (On a side note, I can't wait to drive!) The 4D cinimax was interesting, but the pirates and acting were lame (the repeated the effects as well.) At least now I can say I've been to a 4D movie! After which the Singapore delegates went to Chinatown, to get the best egg tarts around (they actually taste eggy, and they're really soft and sweet!) And along the way we had lunch at a Chinese restaurant and bought our I LOVE SG t-shirts. It was quite an experience, as this group of 15 stormed through Chinatown like a hurricane picking out the shirts at the right sizes and colours that we needed. In the late afternoon, we went to Bugis, where some of us went to watch "Inception", (while other sad muggers had to go to the library and study...aww...) It was mind-blowing and wicked!

And today, we had yet another summit dialogue, with Professor Mahbubani. He talked about us entering a new era of History which was marked by the end of the era of western domination, and the return of Asia. I think generally the concepts that he brought up, and the reasons for such a shift made sense. I liked how he told us that we needed to qualify what he was saying. However, I feel that his views can be organised on a wider level still. For example, he called the reasons the 7 pillars of Western Wisdom, however they should not be restricted, or labelled as "western" ideas, but actually universal ideas that will make a country work, for example meritocracy had been in China all along, and Science and Technology as well, in the golden eras of previous great civilisations. I am generally intriuged by History, macro-history especially, and I hope to be able to read up more to gain a better understanding of how we came to be. Professor Mahbubani told us that nothing in History is inevitable. I like the reminder that he gave us, because oftentimes in History lessons when we are examining causes for an event, things often seem to be happening all at the same time, inevitably causing it to happen. But all these various contributing factors and not inevitable still. So that's an encouragement, that we should take every effort seriously.

Okies then we visited SPH. I learned that they were really profitable, and achieved 41% operating margin, among the highest in the world. I was relatively uncomfortable with the focus on profit making, and was left wondering what the purpose of news reporting actually is, and whether it would conflict therefore with money-making. Because of money-making, news is catered to the readers' tastes. In the supply and demand chain however, we learn that while demand affects supply, supply can affect demand as well. I believe Singapore is quite a captive market, and therefore the supply can be used to influence the demand from the consumers. That's why I didn't terribly take to Razor TV, that gives crappy unimportant petty news that "dumbs down" the citizens. It is natural for human beings to love intriuge and sensation, and one can earn a lot of money pandering to those tastes (cue prostitution and pornography). However, if providing news and current affairs is meant to broaden the mind, then certainly this should not be,

Still, I feel that SPH is really well organised, and the fact that they cut wastage to only 3% is very impressive. Their organisation in the desks and offices was also really nice. It looks like a nice safe and comfy place to work in.

Okay there's no more time left, so the last place we went to was mediacorp and we learnt more about tv shows and radio DJs.

Toodles!

APYLS Journal Entry 3

2010-07-31T01:04:00.002+08:00

Events since the last time we journaled: Adventure Camp, Omani Renaissance Day, Ice-cream at Island Creamery, Marina Barrage, Pertapis. And conversations with people in between. It's funny how time flies (and this isn't the first time I'm lamenting that). I try to treasure the time that I have, but it still doesn't seem to do justice every time I look back, and feel that I could somehow have treasured those moments more.

I didn't feel that the adventure camp was too challenging, but even then, the feeling of being scared comes every time when you're up there. When I was up there on the log walk for example, my heart just kept beating. You're actually nervous, but you steel yourself mentally and simply force yourself ahead. (And so to the people below you seem to be doing fine.) But the wonderful thing about having common experiences, is that you've been through it and you know how it feels.

On another random note, I learnt (from Sam) that the reason we keep shaking when we're on the rope walk, is because the rope we're standing on presses on a nerve in our feet that causes that involuntary reaction. (Perhaps it's like how I shivered so hard when making speeches in front of people, even though I didn't realise I was that nervous.) I tried the jump to the trapeze. Managed to grab it, but I have not enough muscle to hold on and slipped down. (That jump really hurt most of the guys where it hurts most when they were descending.)

It started to rain just before I got to do the zipline, but we had lunch and waited in the canteen. Fortunately it stopped soon after lunch and we could be out for water activities! We had local fruits at lunch too, and I think the foreign delegates liked that really much. As expected, most people couldn't take the taste and texture of durian (and the cempedek). But I was glad most people loved the rambutan, mangosteen, jackfruit and the little fruit whose name I have forgotten. It's quite funny how I feel proud of the little things. Technicaly the fruits come from Malaysia though.

We built our raft first, and it was not bad. The guys in my group (4!) took charge and we spent half-an-hour just tying all the poles and barrels together. (I realise the importance of knots and lashings now. Our raft turned out to be one of the hardiest and actually lasted quite intact in the water, we could carry it out almost whole. I think that the facil of our group Joy was really nice. Rowing with oars and chanting "Afiq handsome", while feeling dazed at the same time, and not moving very far out from shore, was an experience that at the very least gave me a little workout.

That evening we had a mini Omani Renaissance ceremony on campus. It was interesting, and from the outset their story seems quite similar to Singapore's (their "modernisation" programme began in 1970, five years after Singapore became independent and started to solve all the problems we had. Their leader seems to command a lot of respect and fondness from his people too, almost like a cult of personality.) Watching the specially prepared video I didn't actually know if their modernising was a good thing because I liked the pictures of the old buildings that they had, and the new buildings and resorts look like they could have come from any other country in the world. But in this climate it is either keep up or be left in the dust, and there isn't much of a choice in how you're gonna keep up with the rest of the world as a country.

Which I suppose is what Singapore is doing right now, attracting all the foregin MNCs to set up shop here, and pitching ourselves as a strategic centre and entry point into South East Asia. I'm not terribly comfortable with that, but we have to acknowledge that that's where our income comes from. I remember my mummy says that Singapore is a door to the rest of our neighbours, and companies use our country as a base and launchpad to reach them. We have to make sure that we are not being accomplices to exploitation of our neighbours in this, as we seek to attract big corporations to invest in us.

This reminds me of the debate that Li Ang and Si Si had on the bus to Changi. They were debating Communism vs Democracy in the Chinese and American context. They were really good and knowledgeable, able to cite quotes from Obama, Adam Smith and things like that. I was really impressed (and learnt a lot). Sisi was talking like a bullet train, and they were able to come up with propositions and rebuttals on the fly.

That same night the Singapore kids went out with our mummy Carol to Island Creamery, to celebrate her birthday. We bought at tub of ice-cream and stuck a candle on top to serve as her birthday cake. Delegates from Japan, Malaysia and Phillipines were there too. Well, Carol was very happy:) And I enjoyed myself too, talking to Audrie and realising the many quirky commonalities we have. (I think I'm the oldest from the Singapore delegation:) hehe)

On to this morning's activities. I was struggling very very hard to stay awake during the talk at Marina Barrage, and failing miserably. I had been at the exhibition before, but this time the guide was very clear and gave a good run through of all the galleries. We played police and thief at the rooftop and took loads of photos of course. (There must be a gazillion APYLS photos in all our cameras combined by now. I haven't taken many, but I hope I'll be able to get them from other people.) Oh yes, and Ern Xu taught a couple of the other boys to rap in Chinese. I initially thought it was improper, though I was tickled at the same time, but later I guess it sparked a lot of interest in Chinese and taught everyone how to say "Wo ai ni" and compliment each other with "ni hen mei li".

I was looking forward to seeing the kids at Pertapis, but in the end we didn't have a lot of time with them and there wasn't a lot of them. Before we were expecting them though, we did balloon sculpting, gardening and origami. I burst many balloons. I find origami the most therapeutic, as I could focus on something, and it isn't too easy such that I will lose interest, nor too hard that I would be discouraged. I planted an ixora plant with Li And and Si Si, and we set up the mini plastic fencing around it.

Talked with two little ones, both called Ain. I wish we had more time, but it reminded me that I should sign up soon to volunteer to give tuition to kids or something similar to that. And I should learn Malay too.

It's time to go!
<3Ruth

APYLS Journal Entry 2

2010-07-31T01:03:00.002+08:00

We're already halfway through this camp, and there are so many feelings and thoughts that have come to me. The most significant part of this camp, above and beyond all the activities that we have, is the unique collection of people from different countries, backgrounds and experiences. There are times when it gets tiring constantly trying to get to know everyone and make new friends. Once the effort has been spent, however, taking the initial step, the connections to different people now sustains you. Getting to know their different personalities and thoughts and ideas are gems in themselves.

I feel again the privilege of being here, and reading the tumbler posts of the other delegates, am constantly heartened by how we all feel like we have a stake in this (happy that people like my country too:), and also amazed at the talent that exists amongst us. Reading tumbler posts, for example, are a joy because some have the talent for writing, and for those who are not so strong in English, seeing the effort that they take to put up a post, is an inspiration for me as well. (And reading posts in Chinese, I'm also inspired to improve my Chinese standards.)

At student dialogue 1, the importance of language in expression really struck me. Some of the delegates were not able to express themselves as well in English, and the struggle and I can imagine the frustration must be really great. Yet, I really admire their determination and perseverance in learning the language. (And also try as much as possible to encourage them) For example, I learned that the Japanese only started learning English when they were 13. (Having learned German since that time too, I have certainly not reached the standard for German that they have reached for English.) Some other delegates were really good at expressing themselves and packaging the issues and their opinions, and that's something to learn from as well.

Since we're on language, I've also managed to learn a few words from different languages from fellow delegates. (I think I shall pick up Malay soon!) Somehow, the desire to connect with someone else and know who they are is quite strong for me. I remember at one of the discussions we had, the idea that the need to know different languages is not solely for practical exchange purposes, but knowing a person's language predisposes you to them, and creates an automatic sense of commonality. (Therefore translation devices, lacking that human touch may not take off in the future.)

Also, it may seem minor, but the piano playing at meal times really adds to the atmosphere. (Music is another "primordial instinct")

I'm running out of time again, so I'll go on to today's summit dialogues, which I found extremely informative and interesting. In the morning we had Mr Warren Fernandez who spoke mainly on the energy problem and a little about the freedom of the press. In the evening, after the visit to the Istana, we had the second summit dialogue with Mrs Tan Chin Yee with the focus on education. It was a very lively session, with Mrs Tan's wit and humour coupled with her ability to get to the gist of things (with many personal anecdotes.) I had been really sleepy, and "dazed" for the visit to the Istana, where the food probably made more of an impression on me than His Excellency President Nathan. But I was totally knocked out of my slumber by Mrs Tan's ideas and comments. She was really knowledgeable on education and I enjoyed myself terribly with much laughter. Not enough time to touch on the topics covered here, and I've got to go now.

Our lao ma zui cool!

APYLS Journal Entry 1

2010-07-31T01:02:00.002+08:00

It’s hard to get started writing reflections, but I know once I do I won’t be able to stop. Just this morning I was chiding myself for not bringing a notebook to write my thoughts down, then I found this little one that I had, and here’s what I wrote in it (for Day 0):

“Excited. Got to know new people and hopefully friends. Forgetting about homework. This is going to pass so quickly…treasure this time.”

Not very coherent, but ideas never come fully formed.

I’ll list the strongest impressions I’ve had, the events that have stuck out today for me (Warning! They may not be in any particular order):

1) Barely getting up in the morning to a cold shower that REALLY woke me up!
2) Drums (and the little boy behind who was the only one smiling while drumming)
3) Taking photos with the top hat guys from Harrow (who have canes to discipline naughty schoolmates…aah jk).
4) Being really impressed by the size of Hwa Chong’s campus and that their classrooms have high ceilings!
5) Talking to teacher-in-charge of APYLS and finding out random things on how the event is being organized. Gushing at how much work and time the facils are putting in. (Plus Yin Wen, Deborah and me partially getting “brainwashed” to come over to Hwach at the same time.)
6) Henna painting in Little India with Clara
7) Trying to think of the right things to say to people and being friendly.
8) Practising Chinese speaking (with Si Qi and Li Ang…Clara and Joon Hyung are practising too!)
9) Receiving a really cool hand sanitizer (that is now hanging on my bag) from roommate JenniferJ
10) Finding out random cool facts about my own country from our tour guide (who was really knowledgeable) For the first time I realized how much symbolism there was in a Chinese temple, about Marina Bay being set aside. (Have learnt many new things today, little nuggets of newfound knowledge like the fact that the brand Canon, came from the name of the Japanese goddess of mercy, that Indian brides have their groom’s name henna-ed the night before the wedding and much more.)
11) Eating loads (2 breakfasts!)J If the way to a man’s heart is his tummy, then I must be a man!

Alrighto, time’s up. I am really looking forward to the rest of our summit and I hope everybody’s going to enjoy themselves (and learn much along the way too!)

Tschuess!

Asia Pacific Young Leaders Summit

2010-07-31T00:39:00.000+08:00

It's midnight already, and I've been meaning to have this post since eons ago (ever since the summit has ended, but I've never got my hands on a computer.) And then getting distracted by Facebook, which is now so very happening for me. Finally, I'm getting to write my thoughts down, instead of rehashing them in my head again and again in fear of forgetting them for this blog post.

I'll start with the end of the summit. Perhaps in later posts, I can go on to be random about little parts of the summit. (I'll dig up my journal posts, and also post up some of the journals which I felt where really good.) But anyways, the last night, stayed up late and sent off the Americans, South Koreans and Malaysians. As I result I failed to wake up in the morning to see Clara and a whole bunch of other people off. By that time, everyone else was either gone or out shopping. Met up with Debo, and basically was filled with a desperate sense of loss just walking about and clearing my dorm room (two of my room mates, Grace and Jennifer, having left, and Noura out shopping.)

I never thought I'd feel such an acute sense of emptiness, but the boarding school now empty, walking through it just left me with the feeling of simply wanting to let go and cry. (The night before, at the closing ceremony, it was happy-sad moments spent, but mostly happy. In the morning it was quite sad.)

The thing is, when I got home, I guess I was overcome with fatigue, and I fell asleep on the mattress. Waking up, it was just that sense of home that brought be a lot of comfort, that sense of loss slowly went away, as I talked with my grandmother and two brothers again. I unpacked all my things and found my room to have been neatly packed by my grandmother when I was away, so just rearranging the things so that they'd be more convenient for me, I got everything in order. Then, as an indicator of life going back to normal, I had a surprise visit by my Chinese tuition teacher, whom I had forgotten about. So we had Chinese lesson, which went by quite slowly for me. After which, I started to pack my school bag.

This morning coming back to school, I cannot lie to say that I was dreading it, or that I terribly missed APYLS like how other delegates might say they do. The truth is I was looking forward to school, and I knew that that affection was not misplaced, because walking in the first people I saw were Isabelle, Pei Qi and Jia Le, my fellow Head Prefects who greeted me with huge hugs and welcomes (displays of affection). I was really happy to be back, to this place which has truly been my second home in the last four years of my life.

Then getting back to reality, with the many little things which I have, I received a reminder that there was In-convo that afternoon (well earlier tonight). I see my VHP mentee, Amanda Choo, which reminds me that I should be talking to her and mentoring her to take over soon. More PB stuff and issues, and then Mrs Hoo asks if Mr Masagos Zulkifli is coming for Inconvo, which unfortunately he wasn't (couldn't make it. I had tried to contact him after hearing him speak from APYLS opening ceremony).

But really seeing everybody back in school, I think filled up that empty spot again. Not that I don't treasure the relationships and friendships forged at APYLS, but they belong to a different sphere of my life, not separate, not mutually exclusive, but right now both things that I can treasure differently, without compromising on the other. It's a little like how I see my love for both OM and PB, although sometimes the constraint of time and energy causes how much I invest in each to shift. (Reminds me of the form I need to fill out and send for OL.)

Which is what Ms Yolanda Chin at Inconvo said today about identity, with regard to multiculturalism. People are able to hold multiple identities.

There are more stuff that I got to say now, things I've learned from APYLS. But I've really got to go and sleep right now, or I won't be able to wake up for Math tuition tomorrow morning. My brain is hardly functioning. Keep watch for the next few posts!

Toodles!

My December Holiday Plans

2010-07-05T13:50:00.002+08:00

Wells, it's quite premature I suppose. But was just (and am in the midst of) bidding for Sec 4 options, and some of the stuff I can't do, but I will go and learn on my own.

Actually, it's just this:
- The Cold War

And other stuff I'm going to do:
- Volunteer to read to kids or give tuition
- Sign up for keyboard/music lessons (by September!)
- Make photo album on Secondary School life:)
- Print photos/Write notes for all the wonderful people I've met
- Work somewhere
- Visit China/Germany (hopefully...though unlikely)
- Lock myself into a library and read loads of books
- Be a facil for ICYL (hopefully too!)
- Sleep loads

PB 60th and End of T3W1

2010-07-04T23:45:00.000+08:00

Just read through my previous post and boy was it long.

60th was yesterday, and while I was quite nervous hoping everything was going well and that our seniors were enjoying themselves and finding it meaningful, I was very glad to be there. The fact that we managed to put the lunch celebration together in such a short time (approximately a month) helps me appreciate the fact the PB is such a special place full of special wonderful caring responsible passionate people. (Everyone there was amazing.) I am really in awe of all our comm I/Cs :)

It kinda also just tangibly reminded me of the great mantle that we have been handed as Prefects. And I felt it was really cool that even though we never met before, and we were from different generations, we still had common experiences and memories that we could share and empathise with.(I think it has to do with the fact that we have to book people, and also that the type of people who are selected for PB.) I met two seniors Alison (vAns) and Angela, and only spoke with them briefly, but it was still all rather cool. Then there was Cheng Lynn (I think it's spelt that way), who was the Head Prefect in '69, and she was really nice and encouraging. But one of the few (count on one hand) from that generation there.

Learned that our Prefect's vest had been designed in '67, and well has really lasted the times. Our GOH (forgot her name) who was Head Prefect in '67 gave a speech about having love for people, for the team, for the school, for the nation and for the world. (Another confirmation and encouragement for me that I am moving in the right direction. I used to want to be special, but I figure that the more people who take on this attitude of loving and helping people, the more we are actually fulfilling what we want, and the easier it actually becomes knowing you're not alone.)

On Friday after 60th set-up I was just hanging about school, falling asleep (spent two 1am nights on Wednesday and Thursday) waiting for mum to fetch me (when she finally came it was 9pm.) Fortunately, SPM was ongoing and I managed to get some dinner from the reception (hehe) and sit with Ying Xin, Anne, Selene, Ms Tsang, Ms Hoo and Mr Lau. (Little Lau will be coming along around the end of this year!)

Mr Lau asked about people going to apply for ACS(IB) [in my class], and I shared why I wanted to go and why other people would want to go too, quite honestly. And then said in the end I decided against it for "pragmatic reasons". Well, then he told me not to use "pragmatic" like it was a bad thing. (Well, I agree.) Told me about how hard they had to work in the past for "O" levels and CCA to get to RJ, and now we seem to be taking the thru train for-granted (evidenced in how we now even consider going to AC, haha). I don't terribly understand why RI will take all of us, it kind of lowers their standards, does it not? (In the past 60% of RGS girls got in through "O"s. That means 40% didn't make the cut.) It's pretty much unfair to other students too. (Oh, at 60th Japna was telling me how the JAE students (those who come in from "O"s) seem to be coping better right now in J1. And not to slack off like she did in the first 4 months of JC and regret it later.)

Somewhere the conversation went on to telling me not to "bang my head against the wall" and not to be discouraged either, that there's a right place and time (sometimes people are just not ready for certain changes), that the world outside would be vastly different from our idealistic sheltered RG life. Was kinda confused, and asked what he was referring to...(wells I think it's because of Arts Fest at the end of last year, and me sorta impulsively questioning Mrs Hoo on a school presentation during hall assembly.)

I guess I should be less impulsive. Those impulsive moments come to me though. In primary school I used to be quieter and I would say I still generally am on the shy introverted side. So then I try to be more vocal and speak up...and end up overdoing it in places I find comfortable. All about balance. Haiz...

One good thing, I find is that i now have an answer to people who ask "What do you want to do/be in the future?" "Something good, that will help other people, I don't know exactly what right now", "any difference made, no matter how small, is still worth it". I'll see where my path goes, any place God brings me to be His light. Wherever I stop, to make the most of it.

On what I want to be, in terms of jobs...I always never wanted to be a doctor or lawyer (I think I just wanted to be different), or have a boring job. In P5, I wanted to be a politician. And then this year I thought maybe I'll be a principal (because I was seeing all the things that could be done better in our school) then mummy said I should be the policy-maker, because then if I change policies, I change the direction, and then it will not only impact one school, but all the schools that come under the policy. I have realised that leadership is really important, somehow the leader is really able to influence and change the organisation and people they are leading.

Oh, and Inkspiration is out! Read the entire thing (it's literally a rala lit enriched collection)...and liked it quite much. (Yingx said it was too cheem, and so I guess it's a lit thing.) Really enjoy the way the writers are able to capture moments and describe them in such a captivating manner. You're hooked. And the creative imaginations that they have. But the thing I liked most was how I could relate to them and really know instinctively what they were talking about (because the writers are all RGS girls).

Well this had been a long diversion (went to little india today! had chapati and masala tea and arrum (I think that's what it's called) and bought lime and curry leaves and powder and stainless steel cups and toothpaste.) I think I spend my weekends like holidays.

A lot more things going on (as day to day life usually is) so this is just capturing a slice of it.
Now to focus energies on upcoming SAs (Bio and Chinese) and random other stuff (like SS PT, Historical Investigation) boo hoos...i take all this is as good training to develop stamina and strength in facing life.

I think from now on, I should end all my posts with a Bible verse, so here's today's:

1 Peter 1:8-9 "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." NIV

"Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls." KJV

"Ihr habt ihn nie gesehen und liebt ihn doch. Ihr glaubt an ihn, obwohl ihr ihn auch jetzt nicht sehen könnt, und eure Freude ist grenzenlos, denn ihr kennt das Ziel eures Glaubens: die Rettung für alle Ewigkeit."

Toodles:)

End of June Holidays

2010-06-25T00:56:00.000+08:00

Meant to be spending time on Chemistry PT, but just not motivated to move on to my explanations.
This holiday has been one of the freest I have had in the past three years. Oh dear, I hope I don't start moping. Wells, the first week was spent in America, and then for the second and third week and went to school sporadically for CCA and PB stuff, but otherwise I was relatively free. Now is the fourth week and it has been quite packed...and I'm finally only just starting to snap out of the holiday mood. (The dilly dallying I'm doing now is evidence of that chronic laziness that has plagued my holiday.)

But still, there are many things to look forward to, well actually PB 60th is it for me:) I can't believe that it's actually coming into fruition. And I'm so excited that Fedele has just composed this year's board song...it's really catchy and fun to sing! We've got it in time to be unveiled at 60th, haha! And there's APYLS that I was worrying that I would miss a week and a half of school. But now am looking to it like an escape. Goodness, even though it's giving me more work to do, but somehow I enjoy doing that sort of thing. (It's all about being the global citizen...SS much)

There's Head Prefect elections coming up, it's quite exciting to see a new batch coming up, and I think campaigning is always an exciting period. I hope that this batch is able to manage, especially with campaigns directly clashing with their examinations. (Wells, which reminds me I have to be replying some emails.) I am confident of them, and really I find it quite amazing how each year the cycle goes on, and somehow every batch is able to step up and take over the reins. Still, i think I'm experiencing a little of that parenting worry, if you could call it that. Knowing that we're going to pass on real soon, and we just having gotten to know the board and become familiar with running it on an entire new level. It's so fast that just as you got the hang of it, you've got to pass it on. Perhaps that is the point too:)

And in quite funny contrast, while I'm wishing that time would slow down and certain things could remain, I'm kind of wishing that time would fly me past the examinations and lessons and I'll end up at the post-exam period in RGS for the last time. I'm feeling a little more scared for this rounds of examinations. For one, I don't really have excuses anymore (like, I was busy), and two because my mid-year results were better than I expected, so now in addition to pushing up marks, it's also keeping marks up. Wells, but I have to say that for me, I hope it's not the marks that are stressing me out. I don't care if my report book ends up sucky...it's just that I want to prove to myself that I can do Math, Chemistry and Chinese. And that my Literature, English and Social Studies marks are not flukes. Examinations are not the be all and end all, and are not the best indicators, but they are still indicators nonetheless.

I feel like going back to the events of the past few days. Inter-Raffles Thing, EXCO GM, Interim Department Planning and Board Review Day. I don't know, but I think in this holiday I have realised a bit more about myself. Okay, let's go through the whole process. I think because I had more time, I had a lot of empty pockets where I'd just sit around and think and wonder and being all by myself go into my own shell again.

At today's BRD we received our 360 degrees evaluation feedback. It was really useful information and we had to do individual reflections. I wrote down some of the things that I felt I could do better, and will work on for the remaining short half of the year. One, I want to really be there for my department heads, and invest more time in that area. Same thing for my buddy group too, I regret not having our buddy group outing during the holidays as I promised by buddies we would, and so now we WILL HAVE ONE, immediately after the T3 exams. Two, to be more consistent in my behaviour and responsiblity. For example, schoolwork is suffering and I should not be inconveniencing people like my group members and all. Other stuff include being more situationally aware, contributing new ideas to projects, being punctual, managing my time better, meeting deadlines, challenging conventional methods of doing things.

I realised there was a common thread among the feedback I received. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing, but I supposed I could use it for good, and that was I am not afraid of voicing my opinions or asking questions. It was said that I was principled, had strong personal beliefs. It pretty much surprised myself a little, I didn't realise that I was giving people such impressions. I always thought that I tended to take the middle ground when it comes to things, but perhaps I am strong in my position on the middle ground. But the feedback I received matched up to my MBTI profile, which was really interesting. I'm an INFJ (Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Judging). Well, this is what the report said, "Though INFJs are usually reserved, they don't hesitate to assert themselves when their values are violated. Then they can be as persistent and insistent." (The hallmark of the INFJ is Integrity.)

And what I'm doing right now in this blog post, is sort of fulfilling my personality report in terms of introverted focus of energy: "preferred focus is one's own thoughts and ideas". Wells I need to make the link back to reality as well, and maybe stop thinking too much too.

I think I'm going on and on in this post, jumping here and there, back and forth. And more things are coming to me to be written about. Remembering the quote, "Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted." There are a lot of things and thoughts stuck in my head that I am sure about, but have not gotten out of my system. Right now I seem to be just wanting to get all of that out, so that I can start afresh without baggage.

One, just wanted to say I've been struggling a little about feeling proud about myself. I don't want to be conceited and haughty or think that I am better than other people. It's a horrible frame of mind to be in, and a feeling to have. The really nice comments that the teachers wrote for me in my report card triggered a little of that in me. I pray that such thoughts will go away, and that I will be unaffected and not look down on others, or feel pressurized to keep up at being smart. (I have no idea how to, right now I think I'm just being really blessed by God, and I know that it's nothing to do with my own efforts and abilities. So just pray that I'll be in the right posture as a student, not to glorify myself, but that people might see Him though me.)

Okay, two, I read a book on revival in China. "By my Spirit" written by Jonathan Goforth. It was such a simple book, and yet so moving and touching, I think God was really using the book to speak to me. All it was was an account of the revival moving in China, how villages and congregations would come to be revived, and people would be saved simply by the convicting power of the Holy Spirit. I think every time I read about people coming to Christ, every time there was a breakthrough, my spirit was just overwhelmed with a feeling of joy I think.

Then on Sunday, we were invited to go up to pray for a friend, to intercede for them. I went up, and at the end of it Pastor Ronald gave us a word of encouragement. During retreat, one of the R-AGErs non-Christian parent went with her. He was firm on not believing, and praisefully he came to the Lord by the end of the retreat. When I heard that story, I spontaneously cried with joy I think that one more soul had been saved, and also wondering how much joy I should feel if my friends were to come to Christ too, and then wondering about how there really is celebration in Heaven, and how much more God is made glad by the return of his sheep.

Revival starts with prayer and rootedness in the Word of God. My biggest mid-year resolution then, must be to PRAY and intercede for my friends.

There are so many needs to be met, and brokenness and hurt and hopelessness in the world. Even in our sheltered Singaporean lives, there are other obstacles that come up against us. In school, everyone is just weighed down by the prospect of exams, worrying about their results, bogged down by expectations, taken at gun point by the threatening of their future careers. The fruitlessness and meaninglessness of it all is hard to get through, I don't know how to reach out.

Wait, I know, there are ways, words of encouragement to be had and all. All the same, I need the wisdom and guidance to know how to really speak words of life into the lives of others, to uplift them, and really bring them to the source of my purpose and life and joy. To not treat the symptoms, but to go down to the root of it. We need Jesus Christ.

I don't know how to justify my belief in God eloquently, it seems to skip in and out of logic. In the sense that for me, there is no one logical flow that can truly form that conviction. Because logic fails at a certain point, there will always be rebuttals and counters that you cannot account for in every situation. (Or I'm not smart enough to counter.) It's really how it's practical that convinces me I suppose, and also the experiences that I've had of really God's presence being there, when you just know that He's with you. It provides the true solutions to life's problems:) that is it in very brief, short and concise terms (how it does is another story).

Mummy is telling me not to sleep too late (it's coming to 1am, I cannot believe myself, imagine I wanted to sleep at 9pm today.) But just wanted to throw in a word about JC. Somewhere at the beginning of the third week Hui Jie called to ask me abut IB. I had totally left that thought by the wayside until she called, and then reading up more about it, and talking to Hui Jie more, I realised that it was a really good programme that I would enjoy. And that was the consideration I had of going to ACS(I) for their IB programme.

In fact, at a certain point in time, I was so serious that I downloaded the forms, printed them out and filled them in. In fact they are now sitting on my table in the room. But then, I suppose I might not be going after all. Mummy was worried about getting scholarships, and RI is like a treasure trove of them, according to my aunty (well, my cousin got into NUS Medicine, without having any background volunteer work, which other ppl interested in Medicine would have built up over the years, preparing only two weeks before the interview and having made what seemed like a 180 degree turn from wanting to be a banker or something like that. He is quite smart though. I mean, really smart.)

And wells, unless there's something really really critical for me that I want to go to AC, I will survive two years anywhere before going to Uni. So I think I will be continuing on my Raffles track. Well, but I totally agree and will support people who really want to go there for their each unique reasons.

My eyes and brain are tired now and there's nothing more I need to say now
So it's time to go to bed now.
Toodles!

OM Worlds 2010!!!

2010-06-04T23:30:00.000+08:00

Yoohoo!!!

Am back from our 2 week trip to Michigan State University in the USA. Thought I would just record all my thoughts, feelings and many memories in words before I get really busy again (just spent the evening checking INET, emails and all, and boy is there loads to catch up on). I have just spent 17 hours straight sleeping since I got back at 2am in the morning earlier this day (Friday). It's 10pm now.

I guess I'll start with the aeroplane trip:) I've gotten used to touching down and taking off, my ears don't hurt anymore. And I'm pretty good at sitting still on the plane. Never got an aisle seat though, was always seated between other people in the middle. Spent close to a total of 2 days on the trip there and then back.

Michigan State University was just BIG. We went early when the bus services for OM were not up yet, so did a lot of walking at first. And spent close to 10 bucks on bus services.

We (problem 2 division 3) performed at Kellogg's centre, which was the hotel and was the best venue (because it was air-conditioned and had a nice little stage. BUT the hostel opposite it was under renovation so we stayed at Aker's which was right the other end of the campus. Would have been so convenient had it been right opposite:)

Our team did really well. Our performance felt really good and I must say that I enjoyed it (I couldn't really see the audience without my glasses on, but we handled all the glitches and problems with tech stuff really well.) Thrashing everything was awesome too, letting out all the pent up energy (and the last time I will get to have done it.) We had nice random people coming up to us to tell us how much they enjoyed our performance:)

At the end of it, we got a good LTP score 164/200. And style was 46.66/50. But mass launch was disqualified, it didn't count so that was 8 points lost. Still, we were quite happy and altogether we got a 5th placing. Of course, there was a bit of "well, we could have done better" Like imagine if we actually got those 8 points. And it is true, if we worked a little bit harder and more things were a little bit better (like the technical portions) For style, if we only had one point more, we would have gotten top for it but ah wells.

Same thing for spon. We did well, but if we were a little sharper to not repeat answers, to take our time and all, we could have done a little bit better. Of course that is all speculation and wishful thinking. Right now, I'm really happy. (Spon was fun. The guy who took us led us around the staircase just for fun, when we could just have turned right. After that we were all cracked up. And Sophia was classic. She had the last response, and there was this pause after her turn then she suddenly stuck her tongue out and "bleh"-ed at Jack, the rabbit cross with monster soft toy.) And I guess our team is really quite awesome.

Alright mum is telling me to get to bed again, if not my body clock will not get back to normal.
I guess I'll continue with my story-telling again tomorrow:)

Stress

2010-05-16T16:53:00.000+08:00

And I am being self-indulgent typing this out.
The post's about stress. Yup so actually it's normal to be stressed, and for me, it's also normal to be stressed and yet not think that I am stressed (or recognise the stress).

So anyways, whatever it is, I am being stressed, I am probably feeling stressed, I am possible behaving like I'm stressed (I mean look at all the emphasis on stress, it psychologically means that I am.) But I am reacting quite differently to stress I guess, am I not recognising it? Or is it because I think that doing so does not actually help very much with how I actually live from day to day.

Well, anyways...OM shirt is scaring me! I hope we can get it out. (Must pay deposit! shucks!)
----------------
Ok, so after what seems like a really stressful period (as evident above), I am back on a lazy Sunday afternoon to complete this post. OM shirt is coming through, though it's red now, and I'm apprehensive as to how it will turn out. We'll see on Tuesday

It's beginning to rain on my side of Singapore now.

I'd better go get my mountain pile of work done:)

Haha: Social Studies AA

2010-05-16T16:12:00.000+08:00

Yay! Finally figured out how to change the silly thing that turned my words into Hindi. Well this is a random post, seeing that my last one was way back in Board Camp (well it isn't that way back, but on the net a month is like eons!) I'm here once again because I'm stuck for SS AA, and I'm feeling more inspired to get our OM T-shirt in order than actually start doing anything for it. Plus I really wanted to blog on Friday, but didn't get to, so this is unleashing some pent up desires. Haha, well, I also remembered how productive I was last year when I blogged about SS stuff, hoping to do the same now.
------------------
Well my article is Number 6, "Copywood" No Longer. The topic is Homogenisation of Culture. Basically, through examining the revival of the Korean film industry the writer is arguing that the spread of dominant styles (i.e. Hollywood) that Globalisation has allowed, does not reduce the quality of local films, or make them inauthentic. Homogenisation implies a uniform consistency throughout a substance and the reduction in diversity.

A country's distinctive culture can be protected using Hollywood's globally popular style to tell uniquely Korean stories.
--No need to impose trade barriers (protectionism) that reduced the quality of films in South Korea.
--Take away strict censorship of controversial social and political ideas.
-- Compete successfully with Hollywood films
------------------------------
Wells, completed it in the end, offline. Mr Chew said for the ones he marked, quality was surprisingly good. AH wells, mine was painfully conceived.

Board Camp 2010...

2010-03-18T23:21:00.002+08:00

was AWESOME!!! Yups during the camp I was simply soaking in the presence of wonderful board-mates, having so much crazy silly fun together. Quietening down to a bit more pensive moods when we singing board songs, perking up during games, looking forward to every next meal. There were occasional references made to the dirty "H" word, but otherwise all worries of that was buried for me.

Really love the wonderful mix of people in the board, and appreciate how it becomes something so special when all these people are brought together. During the camp, came to realise the great potential that we have, if we could just translate the contagious energy and spirit to everyday life.

Missed Ecamp for Board Camp, as I have for the past 3 camps. The only Ecamp I attended was in 2007, really memorable for me, every single one of them, simply different. And speaking of that, I must just say how much I love my Red Cross mates, Aikirinashi, very much. I don't understand why, or how, but I'm just always so happy seeing yearmates, and yearmates also seem to be happy when they see me. It's a very valuable feeling to know that you can trust in a group of people, and that we both appreciate each other very much.

A lot of things going on...I must take the time to reflect and pen down (or type out) my thoughts and also my actions. Talking to Ms Ong today, realised that I haven't done a lot of that, just rushing along day to day.

Okay got to go to bed now, my bro's to scared to sleep alone:) haiz, some things never change.

On a side note, wanted to sleep early tonight, ended up randoming on the net, watching AI and burning OM Worlds '08 photos for my teammates. And blogging.

Wells, goodnight!

Last day of Learning Journeys

2010-03-12T20:50:00.003+08:00

Today is especially memorable because of the Literature and Chinese LJs. Was in a pensive mood since Lit LJ and it continued on to the Chinese LJ.

For our Lit LJ we (Isabelle, Jessie, Lydia and I) visited the Potong Pasir neighbourhood. It was a surreal experience for me. The place was familiar because the kind of shops that they had there were similar to any other neighbourhood area, the vegetable store, seafood store, departmental goods store and all. At the same time, it was different because it contained more than that. There were stores that seemed to be preserved in time, like a laundromat that's 20 years old and a coffee bean/powder store that's also a family business. There was even a crab supplier.

The entire architecture of the compound was different, it was post-colonial, 1950s style, unlike typical HDB designs that we often see. I think another most striking thing, in a way that does not stick out, was the people there. They all belonged to the older generation, and the shopkeepers seemed to know each other, and their customers as well.

We had an interesting encounter with an elderly lady, who seeing us armed with our cameras, requested to have her photo taken. Later in dialect, she asked us to print the photo and give it to her. At the same time, she was telling us that she had no work and was sick. She even said that she'd give us 5 dollars for the photo. Isabelle took the photo for her, but we couldn't find a printing shop in the area. (Ms Picca says she would accompany us to go there and look for her in the future to give her the photo.) That photo was a most impactful and meaningful one. The look on the lady's face, and her posture, together with the background of gray shutters make for a very moving scene. (I think I must post the photo for the effect to be appreciated.)

We also saw an uncle with a trishaw. We were so surprised to see a trishaw in that part of Singapore, but we did, and we found out that he ferried residents from their flats to the neighbourhood shops where we were. Isabelle took a photo of him as well, and it was a nice one as well. Later on when we made our second round, he was repairing his bicycle.

I found it very different, and perhaps a little out of my usual mode, being there specifically for the reason of appreciating the place and contemplating it. I felt part of it (being used to it) and yet an outsider to it (having to deliberately observe it).

There was so much of the feeling of a black and white moment being frozen in time, and with new modern colours creeping into the picture. It has remained, and it has changed at the same time. I couldn't help holding on to the memory of the place, wondering when in the future this would all change (perhaps when Potong Pasir changes political hands).

[On a side note, it reminded us of our childhoods as well, as when we were younger we really used to spend time at these kind of places. One scene that I witnessed really brought me back to my childhood. It was at McDonald's where I noticed a grandma with her two little grandkids. They were having a McBreakfast, and the grandma was helping her grandchildren with the food, and the children were so happy bring there, really concentrating on eating the food. It reminded me of the times I had spent with my own grandma, when we were younger, where she brought us on outings together. We would walk around and explore the Raffles City area, and when we were tired, we would stop by at any cafe to rest and eat.

Thinking about those times make me feel very happy, as they were certainly very enjoyable times that I look on with fondness, and things that I would want to do again, for sure. But then, I thought of the situation now. Our grandma still wishes to spend time with us, and she really treasures and looks forward to and tries to find those times to again go on such journeys with us. The difference now, is us. I've just become busier and busier, and there's no more time to go on carefree walks together, exploring the city area. Not caring for the time and just going as far as our little legs could carry us. The change is sad, I realised, and I hope perhaps we could go back to the happiness of that period.]

And then we had the Chinese LJ which was a movie screening of the documentary "Invisible City" by Tan Pin Pin. I felt that it was really relevant to the thoughts that I had that morning, about History and change. In the movie, Tan Pin Pin was exploring the motivations that people had in so called "discovering a city". I was most struck by how things have changed so rapidly so much, and why people scramble to keep records of the past. There was this English lady, old, blind and bed-ridden, who took photos of the buildings in the past. She said that then, when she took the photos, she didn't think that they'd all be demolished and gone. She'd expected them to remain. And yet now, so many have been razed to the ground, replaced by the new (that would soon become old)

There was another English gentleman, who took videos of the SEA area, taking indigenous peoples, and life in Singapore then. He was old when the interview was conducted, and he really had a hard time putting to words his thoughts, and following or stringing his thoughts together. He said it would take him 2-3 hours to give a simple answer to the interviewer's simple question, which was why he took all that footage.

Finally, there was a Chinese man who was a Chinese student during the time of the "Communist student uprisings". He was striving hard to change the perception of Chinese students then, that they were communists, they were violent and they were bad. He said that History has to be written both by the winners and the losers.

Somehow it's a strive for truth in all this endeavours, and sometimes you really wonder what all that history is for. Chen lao shi said that it's so that we can better understand the situation and context that we are in now. And I think that that really is the simple truth. We use the past to understand the present, and in so doing, try to find the meaning in our own lives. There is also a sense of doing justice to persons our groups of people in history, that we accurately record happenings in the past.

Just because there is no evidence that something happened, doesn't mean that it has not happened. The above is really a brief summation of my thoughts. I think at the end of the screening, I really felt the truth of the line "the only constant is change". I thought, that soon what we have now, considered modern, would became the then, and be old (hopefully not forgotten)

Wells, I gtg now (am at Hemin's home for OM Sleepover! Awesome!) and practise spon.

Goodbye!

TAKEN

2010-02-28T01:04:00.001+08:00

Watched the show with Liam Neeson a while ago, well just a post to say that I watched it, and am both saddened and disgusted with the sex trade.

February

2010-02-28T00:10:00.002+08:00

Time to blog. Well can't believe I'm still awake now at 11 on sat having not done any work at all, just lazing around. I think I'm really a slacker, compared to most RGS girls. Perhaps it's a good thing being able to detach myself from work sometimes, just that when I get back I really have to chiong loads of stuff and get stressed.

Had my haircut today after swimming lesson, feel really light now. Tying your hair up can feel very restrictive and heavy. At the same time when your hair's long and you let it down, it het's sweaty sticky and uncomfortable. Back to my short hair days:)

But that main point was that I got to learn more about my mummy's fishery project in Bougainville, she would like to be able to send trainers to teach the islanders such skills like hair-dressing and cooking. (I suppose they simply snip their hair right off) The islanders aren't doing anything of meaning, and big companies only want them for their resources, and are not interested in them as people. My mum likened it to a man liking a woman for her body, but not for who she is.

(On a side note, we also observed how in Europe labour-intensive stuff like plumbing and hair-dressing and lock-smithing can fetch quite a lot of money. And that's why companies move production to places like China with cheap labour.)

Also was a bit put off by the saloon I went to, not that the haircut was horrible, but more of their calculative business practices. The lady was visibly not too happy when she learnt that I was going to have an $18 Express cut, and according to my mum "put on a black face". (When proudly emblazoned on the glass window was "$18 Express Cut" in RED) Wells, then we noticed that the cup of tea served to a customer was like only one third filled. (I was waiting to get a drink, but I guess cause mine was an $18 express, I didn't get tea.) I'm not very upset or anything, just observing how things go, but a saloon can't go very far like that.

I was also confused, a little, by the guy who was cutting my hair (I suppose the word is "stylist"). He was friendly to my mum and me. Then after my mum left, he asked the lady how much my cut was, and when he learnt it was only $18, he started to snip my hair off rather carelessly, and then he quickly finished the job.

Okies, wanna blog a bit about post-SLI as well. Somehow it didn't seem as cherished as our last post-SLI, only 7 batchmates turned up. In the end no one stayed over (Isabelle was going to at first, but because no one else was she had to go home.) But still, I think that the Fiammettans did a really good job in organising the entire thing on a week's notice. Perhaps the small group was nice too, coz we could play and talk to a group of the little ones. The food was really good, I learnt that Tamisha used coke to fry the chicken wings (they were yummy, but unsure of what dubious chemical reactions might go on when you fry coke.)

Sab and me did a silly dare, wearing garbage bags as capes and running up next door to this group of German people and saying "We are here to protect mankind". The German girl was confused and stared at us incredulously (or blankly maybe) before asking "What is mankind?" Well, we just ran off, and my "Tut mir leid" went unheard to everyone but myself. Gosh.

SLI was hot, the air was really still and we were all sweating it out in formal U. I think that the GOH was really good, and she really was very sincere with the message that she wanted to share with us, about serving and giving back, about learning, about never giving up, and sharing her life experiences with us. (Which were quite incredible, like how she totally flunked her "A" levels but that was a blessing in disguise, or managed to help some people in the Philippines.) I talked to her during reception and yup, I like her, she was honest and very earnest. She went around talking to different groups of pupils. (Leaving her seat at the P's table.) She really wanted to share and give us words of advice:)

What she's doing is really in the line of what I would like to do in the future. I think my vision of my future is forming up slowly but surely. I do want to do something meaningful that will help others in the world. The many people in countries with so many resources but get exploited, with no help giving to developing them as persons, as societies. Helping to ease the many injustices in the world.

For my History Extended Essay, I might do something on Banana Republics, or South America. An earthquake struck Chile, and so I did a bit of reading on it, and realised how much strife the histories of countries are filled with. Singapore's history, in contrast, has been peaceful to the max, and continues to be (with the exception of WW2, but hey most all the countries in the world experienced that). In fact, our quibbles with Malaysia seem really little in contrast to border disputes in many other parts of the world.

My mum said that it's a blessing in disguise that Singapore has no natural resources (people don't really count, because large evil and cold companies do not care about people), save perhaps a strategic location in the world. We really are a base to which the region can be reached out to, and that's the reason Singapore is so valuable and strategic. Our neighbours are the ones with the abundance of natural resources, and Singapore is an entry point to that for such large companies (that's the reason our neighbours are suspicious of us). At the same time, this is an opportunity to reach out and really help our neighbours in the region. Our fate is connected with theirs (I guess that's the idea of ASEAN), but myopically, it's always hard to see when you're only looking out for your own back.

Okay, wait, I haven't talked about SLI. I think our performance was not bad, although it could have been better. My mum said it was the best performance because it wasn't self-indulgent. And Ms May Tan also said that "the best performance was by the Prefects." at Spon traininf today. Aah, I was so proud. Because the puns used were not in-your-face, and was subtle, there for the audience to get. I think Fedele has a natural knack for performing (well, minus the singing and dancing).

Speaking of Spon training, OM is going to start really intensive soon. Full-dress is in 3 weeks. And we have yet to finish the flight plans. AAH!!! Wells, but I think we will still be on-track if we start working seriously now. (At the same time gotta study for the SAs) I love OM:) Doing OM is actually really fun and interesting, and I have learnt a lot over the past two years doing OM, I'm not bored of it, there's always something new to experience and learn each time. The stressful part is more of having to juggle everything, rather than individual things alone. But I'm not complaining, coz if I only had studies, life would be so boring (not that I don't like lessons, but you know it'd be missing an extra dimension.)

I wonder how I get write so prodigiously when talking honestly and simply about my own life, there seems to be so much to talk about. But that's also coz I'm not disciplining or restraining myself here. No thought at all goes to structure or storyline or whatever, it's just about getting all my thoughts and feelings out of my system onto paper, for my future self to read, before I forget them (or so that I won't keep repeating them).

Had swimming today, and I'm glad for it, though I find it really tiring. After every swimming lesson I realise how unfit I really am. Without swimming lessons, I don't know what kind of physical state I would be in.

Oh dear, I'm going to suffer fatigue tomorrow and for the next week. Have got loads of homework, all undone, left till tomorrow (I don't think I'll be able to finish everything.) I'm lagging behind in terms of German lessons and work, have missed two so far this year, and I totally am not spending time on it outside of lessons once a week.

I sometimes wonder, no actually wonder all the time, what is it that drives people? Perhaps it's just external pressures that force people into doing things. For Lydia its self-actualisation. For me, doing things that I enjoy doing is a biggie. And other times when they're not so fun, maybe it's just by force of will (and not wanting to put others in a difficult positiong).

I have had a problem with punctuality, and I go through the same argument and thought process every time I'm late for something. When I'm late for school, I know that it's wrong, because I have inconvenienced other people who have been waiting. It should be that simple, and most of the time there's nothing you can do but be sorry and apologies, promising to yourself never to do such a thing again. (And for me it often happens again, sooner or later, and I feel that there's nothing much I can do besides feeling remorseful and just trying again.)

But I have been really surprised by how understanding people can be. They are not upset if they see that you are truly sorry, and the truth is there is nothing much they can do either, besides encouraging you for the future, or giving you a big talking down to (in which case would be quite reasonable).

There are other factors too. Some people don't want to do it because it's not a good image for them. Personally, I don't worry about this when I am late, in fact I picture myself being stripped of my position and I am not distressed by the thought. However, I do worry about how this bad image would affect other people, for example being in the Prefectorial Board, being late would affect the credibility of the board on the whole, it would impact each and every other member of my board. And that would be the larger consequences of my action, that goes beyond just what would happen to me. We do have duties towards other people.

I'd better get to bed now, have got cell tomorrow morning:)

Aah, glad to have had this post, would probably see you guys in March!

Chinese New Year

2010-02-13T13:07:00.003+08:00

Just finished watching 101 East on the Rohingya issue, asking if ASEAN is obsolete. Before that was reading a speech by Fidel Castro at the UN in 1960 that lasted 4+ hours. [I might do something on Cuba for my Extended Essay. Became interested to find out more when reading his speech, wanting to verify and check things for myself.] Trying to make myself feel productive. So now since I have a bit of time (before having to go on to German online homework and Chinese and Math work), I am here to do a bit of blogging, which I have not done in eons, if you consider the internet age.

Last night read the article that George Orwell wrote titled "Politics and the English Language". I really like it, and after that I was quite inspired writing my reflections at the back of the article. I started considering the words I chose even more, and realised that it resulted in me thinking more creatively, instead of using prescribed words.

For example, one of my reflections was that I realised how "lazy" I was in my thinking, picking the first word that came to mind without even considering what it entailed. What exactly is being lazy? So after that I tried to think about how I actually felt or thought about when I identified myself as being lazy. And I felt that it was the absence of thought, my mind being not readily and heavily involved in whatever I was doing. And that really characterised what I felt rather than the big vague word called "lazy".

And so, I have decided to start writing with more consideration and less frill, using "language as an instrument for expressing and not for concealing or preventing thought". That will be my basic principle.

Yesh:) Now I will go and read 1984 online. Would have liked it in book form, but now I just can't wait. It's been on my list of must-read books for quite some time now.

Btw, being able to stay at home on Saturday morning feels so liberating. I feel like I have all the time in the world, and I can happily do one thing and just as happily move on to something else. I feel like starting afresh and anew:) when school starts again. Perhaps, that's what a New Year's meant to do:)

Just a quickie

2010-01-12T20:12:00.003+08:00

Haven't posted since school reopened. Now's the second week of school. There's stuff to do, but doesn't hurt to do a bit of "inner thought and reflection" (they encourage that in CLE) instead of homework once in a while.

It's funny how we should have our ambitions mapped out. On Sunday Krystal and Jade (they're sisters...very cute names) came over to have dinner, and they asked me what my ambition was. With a shrug of the shoulder, it was a "dunno". Then they proceeded to ask me what subjects I liked in school. "Science?" No. "Math?" No. "Geography?" Don't take Geog. "History?" Yup. I like Literature too.

I don't actually know what I'm going to do with them. I can't say I'm super good at them, but I enjoy them anyhow. And I still don't know what I'm going to do. I don't like having clearly-defined professions like "doctor", "lawyer", "engineer", "dentist", whatever else. When I was in Primary 5, I wanted to be a politician. I think it was because I liked Social Studies then (I felt very proud of my portfolio entries.) And during that time, i went to my mum's office everyday after school, and listened to adults talk about current affairs, and the world (and parts of the world) in general. (I remember talk about chicken-rearing.)

I have a new thing that I shall try to do, and that is to keep quiet. It's quite hard to do. Especially with people I'm comfortable with. To not talk excessively and at length and shutting other people up. At the same time, I've got to talk to people I don't know really well (and still give them space.)

Back to my ambition. At German class on Monday (Yerp, I'm now on Monday. They put me on Wednesday first, and then I had to transfer class. I'm sad I'm not with Sandra anymore, but at least Claire and Xinyuan are in my class. At least I can see Sandra during Chinese lessons now, well I only see her coz we don't sit next to each other no more.) we had to ask each other, "Was wirst du?" All I could think of in reply was "Ich mochte Mutter werden." I want to be a Mother. Which is true, I love little babies, but I don't know if I'll have the patience enough to handle them, all the way till they grow big.

I guess I just want to do something that's meaningful, and I don't really care what as long as I enjoy doing it. I shan't determine what I'd enjoy, because the options are endless. And I'd like to share that joy too, I want to help other people (who need more help than me, since I've already received that much grace here in Singapore.) Again, I don't mind anything, so long I'm not desk-bound and boring.

I don't know if writing will be part of the equation. Ever since end of Sec 2 year, I've wanted to be able to write well. (Well, in P2/3 my teacher wrote in my report card, "Ruth has a flair for writing". I rmb I had my compo abt some girl (Jeannie) in the rain and sharing umbrellas - you know that story - stuck on the class notice board.) I like writing, just that I'm not so good at story-writing, the kind where you're supposed to have a plot and rising and falling action. My stories end up cliched, contrived, and I just can't describe things in such full and magnificent detail (what with sunlight cascading down the windows.) So personally, having only expository essays in Sec 3 and 4 does help my grades.

I once called my alien Bobochacha. The story (based on 4 pictures that they gave you) was Bobochacha meets boy and brings him to space, Boy sees space from inside rocket, Boy gets back to earth and says bye to Bobochacha. It was a cool name (from the cool dessert). It's just like how I didn't like always using Xiao Ming because everyone else used Xiao Ming everytime so I started using my brother's name Zhu Qin.

And I think English class is pretty much redundant now. To better our English, we basically just need to do Literature. Du shu po wan juan, xia bi ru you shen. Yup, just that we would need to study the author's way of writing. My mum said she used to imitate the styles of authors, and then after a while, you'd develop your own style. Nothing is ever truly original, but everything is always unique.

I'd better go bathe and do some work, not sleep too late. I'm falling asleep in classes now (well namely math and chemistry today and yesterday.) I like lessons when we get to talk (likes SS and Hist and Lit...there you go. Well, CLE too, just that we had to do some timeline last week and I spent close to an hour writing my journal at home...it was the easiest piece of homework that day...there's than quote inkspiration put up: writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.) The lesson I don't mind just listening is Chinese, cause Li Lao Shi can go on talking forever in his Chinese accent and I take it as Ting Li.

I think I'm too busy to think about things or learn things properly, like experts do. Sometimes I feel like I'm a Jack of all Trades but Master of None. Not complaining though, I like studying different things. I think I'm ranting again. Yes I've got to go bathe. (Btw, for PE today we watched a golf video with some golf guy teaching us how to putt. I love the earnest way that Americans talk with their swingy accent.)

Well, just something random again. I realise I like saying stuff without thinking of the grammar. Like in English, I've never been hung up over grammar, and even for Chinese, I was never formally taught what is what. It's through seeing many examples that you get the idea of how the grammar is like (Sadly my Chinese gets corrupted by English grammar). Am saying that coz for German, I would tend to go with the flow. I don't memorise oh, the Subject goes first, then the Place, then the Time or blah blah like that. I just take a sentence and see whether it sounds right, somehow. I like to jumble sentences. And put words in weird places. It's fun, like Yoda speak. (And basically how you tell German is that it's not exactly like an English sentence but somewhat like it...ah wells...but my German is not good either.)

So the two places that I want to go are China and Germany. I'll get to practise Chinese and German, and let both improve by leaps and bounds:) Perhaps it'll even spill over to my English. There was this writer, I don't know his name, who was Chinese and only learnt English when he was older. However, he wrote books in English, and they were very interesting. The way that he wrote was very different, because his influences and the way that he expressed himself was from the Chinese Language - very visual, imagery and description, just like the idioms. It was all English (grammatically correct) but the way he used the language was unconventional and refreshing.

It's a bit like Tamil. Our family was once sitting in this Indian restaurant outside Mustafa and they were playing those Bollywood music videos, that had English subtitles. The language was very flowery, like "Oh something something something like the something something something something", which would essentially mean just "something something". So the translation I found very amusing (of course next to the multiple costume changes themselves, and dance moves.) It's no surprise also, that today many good writers are Indians, they are linguistically talented, possibly because their native language is so tough already. Like the Indian uncles at the coffee shop can speak their own mother tongue, english, chinese, and other dialects like hokkien, cantonese. It's quite funny.

Oh dear I have to go it's 9.30 already. Good night everyone!

To my work I shall go!

(Oh I came up with this: "Nothing comes from nothing" It has a double meaning, look for it!)

New Post for a New Year!

2010-01-01T22:39:00.002+08:00

I counted, and had 37 published post for last year. It's a record so far in my short life(:

Wow it's late @ 11pm, I spent the late afternoon till 9 sleeping(: The really wonderful "knocked-out" kinda sleep. Oh dear, I should reply all the people who greeted Happy New Year on my handphone before the newest day of the new year is up!

Crystal, I just printed it out, and it took 146/4=36.5, that means 37 pieces of paper. Yup I did 2 a page, then double-sided. I guess I'll bind it, and that'd cost me around 2 bucks. And yes we'll try to "induct" Ms Picca into our practices. Am excited for the new year!

I'm very sorry Xinyuan. My birthday's on the 19th. It's an odd number, typically my family goes out for dinner:) and well I had a really pleasant surprise when I was 14. (My birthday is quite late compared to yours, Joanna's 2 days earlier than me.) Thanks for identifying in part what that feeling was, the sin of omission (vs commission).

14 was the first time I received a little slice of cake from my friends, I didn't expect it at all. Quite silly I was with my OM team then, they asked me to go to the toilet to wash something up, then when I came back they sang the birthday song with da cake :D I learnt from Ying Xin that people's birthdays are very special days, and she always remembers them, to be the first person to greet anyone she knows "Happy Birthday!"

And so, I was thinking about it, and realised then that everyday is a special day, coz it's someone's birthday.

But, I never really was a birthday person. I never really thought my birthday was very special, coz it was just like any other day, and well didn't hold very much significance to me. Now, I guess it's a day when we appreciate that person in our lives(: And it's a special day because that person is special! People like to be remembered, and birthdays is a really tangible way of showing just that.

I flipped through Hedda Gabler, it's a really good story. From the few random lines I've read here and there, it's quite gripping and explored human nature. Really cool, I can't wait for our lessons on it.

Nows, I shall list out some of the stuff I've thought for History EE, before I forget:

History of the Church: What is the church? How different denominations appear and evolve from one another. What are the factors? Main doctrinal similarities or differences? Difference between legitimate "religions" and cults. (Wow I came up with so many questions on the spot. Of course can't explore all of them, just brainstorming right now.)
History of Weddings: (Haha inspired at Mr Lau-Ms Tsang's wedding.) Origins of the wedding, in different cultures, past and present. Any similar practices or significance?
History of Money: How money evolved to what it is today. Function and Purpose of money. Money as an Idol. Money in the consciousness of human beings. What is money? $$$
1911 Revolution: (from watching Bodyguards and Assassins) The different parties involved, it's role in the modernisation of China (or how it came about as a result of it). Comparison to feudalistic China in the past. (How China's always always divided and fighting.)
The Opium War: Impact on the Chinese people, any impact on the European countries that propagated opium? How it affected the course of History.
The Native Americans: (Amazingly, inspired by Jamie Oliver, who did an episode learning the cuisine of the Native American Indians.) it's a really sad history. How they were stripped of their land. The gradual loss of their culture.
Food as an integral part of Culture? (Just thought of this based on previous point.)
Two Sides to a Coin: Subjectiveness of History. I thought of studying an event from two different perspectives. (In war, especially.) And then write two different essays, about the same thing, but from different POVs. (Quite Lit-tish here.)
The Gaza Strip conflict: it's origins in History.
Random: Happy History :) 9/10 parts of history always seem to be so tragic. Revolution, Exploitation, Death, War, Persecution.
Government: The spectrum (like from anarchy to dictatorship), giving examples from History till today. Development: is there a trend to be found- economics, what causes the changes (involves revolution)?

Am struck by how much there is to learn about everything in and around us. Would really love exploring all the above topics, just that I've gotta improve in other fronts simultaneously, like Chinese, Math, Chemistry. German (I keep winging it), Biology (they say Sec 4 is vry different from Sec 3, means I may not be able to wing this anymore) English & Literature (ongoing improvement, my holiday campaign to read more books wasn't very successful). I've stopped taking Piano lessons- that's one other really beautiful universe, Music. Hmm, just realised that all these subjects actually provide the lenses through which we view our world. (All the learned men (and women) of the world never stop learning, and have many varied interests they dabble in.)

Okies gtg now, hoping for a fruitful year ahead(: One that's spent meaningfully and more reflectively, instead of a string of events coming one after the other. Shall aim for excellence and quality in all that I do (especially in things I don't like doing). Putting things in right priority. And of course, enjoying all the times spent with wonderful friends:) The reason people want to live is really because of the love and company of other people.

This post was longer than I expected!

Last post for the Year(:

2009-12-31T19:22:00.003+08:00

Yup a quickie one here for me. Am to be off to church for the watchnight service very soon, and will reach home past midnight so this is going to be the lastest post of 2009.

I haven't made any "New Year Resolutions", cause they aren't exactly "new". I've been trying to get them in place since as far back as I can remember in this year. Very simple goal for next year: Spending more time with God (Praying, Reading the Bible), Love everyone I meet (treasure the time), SURVIVE!!!

Things that might be in the way: Laziness, the loser mentality which has been the cause of my undoing many of the times. The loser mentality in me, is when I try to hold on to my energy and my possessions. Thinking that I have a limited amount of energy and effort to invest in everything else, I hold back and try to "conserve", and end up not doing things that should have been done, and realising at the end of it all that trying to hold back just drains myself all the more.

What the Bible says is very true, "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." It may seem paradoxical, but it isn't at all, and I guess we just grow to realise the truth in it.

Things in the forefront of my battlefield academically: Chinese, Chemistry and Mathematics. Triple whammy!

Okies got to go now, so that marks the end of a precious year 2009(: See you in the new year! 2010 has a nice look and ring to it(:

Crystal: My mummy got the PDF version free from her iPhone, am going to print it out myself (many pages, but it is easier to annotate that way(: ) I really miss RALA...I hope we still get to sit in the U-shape that we always do.

Xin Yuan: Yay! You're the oldest in RALA Class(: We January babies can go watch NC16 movies together(: and let younger ones fawn aah joking...

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Christmas

2009-12-25T22:18:00.002+08:00

I had this post about how macabre Christmas was, but right now it's relegated to be a draft because I had not the time nor effort to spare in making it sound right and balanced enough.

Wells, it's a good week, I've watched two movies in a week. Namely, Avatar (in 3D) and Sherlock Holmes. And hopefully I get to walk Chipmunks 2 next week(: Movies are a pleasure (without the guilt). I borrowed Dead Poet's Society, Singing in the Rain and David Copperfield from the Esplanade Library and just returned them yesterday.

Movies are such mindless activities, it takes more effort to read books. Of course though, books are a much more whole experience as you slowly create the scenes in your mind through the author's description, journey through the events as though you were there. When I was watching David Copperfield, I felt as if I'd been there before, I'd seen the whole thing before, even though I certainly hadn't watched that movie before. It was because I'd imagined all the scenes when reading the book already.

Like when watching Sherlock Holmes, my mind wasn't trying to crack the case. Which happens when you read the book and you try to solve the case along-side Holmes (you start to feel like Watson, trying really hard but somehow Holmes is always one step ahead of ya.) In the movie, the ending just came and you get the solutions. I enjoyed the show very much still, coz Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr were real fun to watch. The difference is that the movie isn't really a whodunit sorta thing.

I just finished reading Around the World in 80 Days. And having watched the movie before reading the book, I decided I liked the book better, the movie having been quite crazy and totally changing the character of Mr Phileas Fogg.

My mum has her new toy, the iPhone, and that's where I read Around the World in 80 Days. There's this App called Free Books where you can download books for which the copyright has long expired (most of the books are before 1920). I'd get an iPhone just for that App. It's so easy, you can imagine, to read books from your iPhone on the MRT, instead of a hardcopy book.

Oh yes, I knew I had more to blog about. Yesterday, which was Christmas Eve, my mummy brought our family to Orchard Rd. We had dinner and did very short shopping at Ion (Uni Qlo to be exact, coz I wanted to get tights for my baptism tomorrow). At around 10.30pm, we decided to go to Tangs, but found that it was closed. Instead we took to the streets, and boy were there loads of people.

We crossed over to the Takashimaya side, and there everyone was literally packed. We couldn't move forward nor backwards, you're really shoulder to shoulder to the next person. We took advantage of the crowd, to take photos of us, in the crowd. It was fun at first, but a while more and it was getting tougher to catch my breath, like the air was slowly thinning out. Just imagine a thousand people under a dome, sucking out all the oxygen contained.

While we were in the crowd, my mummy conducted a mini lesson on mob dynamics, explaining how a human surge could happen, if just one person panicked and started pushing, how it could become a stampede. Thankfully, that didn't happen and we emerged safe, though more sweaty than we had begun, and for some (namely, my brother) in a worse mood than before.

It was quite scary for me, seeing some old people and young kids in the crowd. It was quite crazy. Actually the crowd situation could have been avoided. The reason was that the shopping centres were all closed (my mum said for fear of looting), so everyone was pushed out onto the street. You could really see the contrast, all empty inside the shopping centres, and then waves upon waves of people battling one another (and the heat) outside the cold buildings.

We brought our maid out, and she said to my mum, upon seeing the lights, that "this is like heaven to me". That was really cute I thought. Speaking of which, my maid comes from Myanmar, and there's this movie called Burma VJ showing in cinemas now. I don't know what the truth is now.

I wish to call Myanmar Myanmar, to respect them as a new independent country, in modern times. Then about the junta, whether they are actually good or not. There are always two sides to a story, and for me it's always real hard to decide which side of the coin faces up. Because in real life, things are gray.

Wells, my cousin wants the computer. I'm gonna go now. :)

Merry Christmas! For the next one hour(: Then have a happy Boxing Day(: [I wonder why it's called that]

Toodles,
Ruth

I'm back! (and better!)

2009-12-16T00:48:00.002+08:00

Yay back from Sabah on Saturday. It was a really cool trip we were on holiday with my mum's 2 younger brothers' families! So that means there were 7 kids altogether, our ages in a staircase like that: Danielle 5 Caleb 7 Elizabeth 10 Jeremiah 12 Isaac 13 Moses 14 Ruth 15. And you see right now, I'm two times the age of Lizzie and three times the age of Danielle. This reminds me of those PSLE questions we used to do, ___ years ago Father was twice the age of Boy, Now, Father is __ years older than Boy. How old is Boy now?

And then Sunday was church and random stuff with family after church. In the evening we went for the opening night service for the RHEMA conference. Monday I went to school first, to meet Ms Ong and sab about AGM this Friday, and also with Mrs Anis together with the OOICs for Pre-O training tomorrow and thursday. At 4 I was at Grace 2 for RHEMA, and today whole day at RHEMA(: It's actually a three day conference, but I'll be missing much of tomorrow coz of pre-o.

Still, despite me having missed so much (more than the past two years) I think it has been really impactful thus far. As they say, your life will never be the same again.

"For You came near, from the everlasting, to the world we live, the Father's only Son."

I'm so thankful that Joanna asked me to help out in their drama sketch for tonight. And though my role seemed small, I had to turn on the light on the cross and help Joanna take out and put on her over-shirt, it really taught me a lot. My involvement was little too, in comparison, having only come on Monday and today. And for that short period of time, I learnt, like a practice, on how it is like to hand over your plans, and the things that you do to God. I learnt to appreciate the power of prayer, and the joy of fellowship, and I saw how God can work in us and through us in such tangible ways. It was a great lesson, that I felt so grateful to be even there.

And through the messages shared, I learnt of the power of the Word of God, and the power of Prayer. I'm going to take them seriously, and be rooted in the Word, and learn to pray unceasingly with passion. I'm going to learn to surrender my life to God, I'm going to surrender my life to Him, I have surrendered it. And the wonderful thing is that I've got the best teacher there could ever be, who's literally, been there and done that. I don't know exactly how, but I'm trusting Jesus to lead and pave the way, for me to walk in His good and perfect way.

"You lived, You died, You rose again on high, and You opened the grave, for the world to live again. Hallelujah, for all you've done. Hallelujah, for all you've done."

I really pray that this will not be a one-off thing. I shall persevere in this, knowing that it comes forth not from my own strength, but from God. And today, one of the things I know I shall have to do is to apologise to my daddy, for being hurtful to him, and also to my brother, for always losing my temper and snapping everytime I want the computer. I've put it down on the record, and will apologise really soon. Every little thing counts now.

Right now, I'm also wondering how going to school and all the many things I'm doing now fit into being a Christian and disciple. I asked Susanna, taking studies for example, and she said that it was because being followers of God, God also is pleased with excellence and with us doing our bests. And I figured that what you're doing is not what matters most, but the motive behind what you're doing. For example, we often say that the exams that we have will glorify God. Actually, it's not the results that glorify Him, they may be labelled good or bad according to society's standards. It's the attitude in which we approach the exams that will show our belief in Him, and the change that has taken place within us, in contrast to our past selves.

One of the speakers spoke about people labeling themselves so much as "victims" in this world. Like I abuse other people because I was abused before. I had a lousy childhood, and that's why I turned out the way I do. She slapped me, and so I had to protect myself and hit her back. And so the blame game continues, but people don't take responsibility for what they have done, and don't recognise the wrong, or sin, in them. And when this happens, people become desensitized to what is right and wrong, they no longer feel the guilt and shame of what they have done. People are unable to repent and change of their ways, but instead spiral downwards on a path to destruction.

He also showed how people now treat the relationship between cause and symptom. For example, if a symptom is insomnia, it may be that the cause is that the person is getting really angry at another person and is too upset and caught up in it that she can't sleep. The doctor only sees the symptom that is insomnia, and gives sleeping pills to deal with the inability to fall asleep. However the root cause remains and still is not taken away and plucked out as it should be, meaning that the problem will indefinitely be there, and may even become worse.

Wells there are so many interesting concepts to grasp. But right now my brain is switching off, it's late and I need to wake up early tomorrow for another full day. Indeed, it's going to be a pretty crazy week:)

Where can I get Hedda Gabler? And our Lit dept is in trouble if Popular can't sell the short story book. They'd have to resort to photocopying illegally or something last minute like that. Wells...I haven't really gotten into the holiday mood, and I'm already feeling that school is going to begin real soon. CHARGE UP!!!

<3Ruth

2009-12-05T17:55:00.001+08:00

Haha, just for the thrill of posting at the airport computer right before I have to board the plane. And I realise this one is going to be my 100th post!

Yes a century(:

A milestone for me blog I say, and I'm blissfully away on holiday for a week(:

I still have time they haven't called us to board yet although it's time.

Okay, my grandma says 5 minutes.

I was on Moby Dick and still at the Extracts section when I got bored and spotted this lonesome computer here. I think what my mum said is right, I'll probably fall asleep reading that book. But Herman Melville is genius, and I wanna read his English.

2 minutes left on my session on this computer.

What else do I want to say?

Okay. Maybe I'll compose a little poem

Ruth is on holiday
In a little land of Sabah
Where the skies are green
And the seas are blue
And the trees are white
A land of fantasy
If you'd like to continue
Follow me on this silly holiday
I'm offffff........

Tidying up before flying off

2009-12-05T14:01:00.002+08:00

Yay! I'm going on holiday to Sabah in a couple of hours time(: Bye bye Singapore and work! Anyways, reading the tags from Crystal and Xinyuan, I got irritated by the limited amount of characters allowed and will reply here.

To Crystal: What are NSKs? But I guess it's about exposure too, when you actually interact with other people, you get to appreciate them and not hold false pre-conceived notions. (But I do have a natural tendency against gangsters, I think out of fear, although I think they turn out the way they are because of family problems and very sad lives.)

About, neighbourhood schools (and education), I think that different people have different capabilities at different points in time, and we cannot treat everyone in a cookie-cutter style. So I actually find not much problem with differentiation (I personally have benefited a lot and enjoyed myself terribly in the GEP.)Just like the slower pupils go to ITE. The bad thing are the stigmas that are attached to such groupings. Slowly, ITE has distanced itself from the "It's the End" mentality, and I believe it does good for it's students (My neighbour, who is now in Poly, was from ITE.)

The bad thing is when people start thinking that because of capabilities, certain groups of people are "better" than others, and deserve better. When actually as human beings, everyone is equal, but in another sense. Because no human being can put themselves above another, whether or not that person is a retard, disabled, coloured or Jewish (Apartheid! Hitler! bells ring) So we don't want to find ourselves in that trap of thinking, even though sometimes we find ourselves lured by the bait.

There is a difference I guess, between knowingly and consciously being elitist, and proud of it. And finding yourself falling into such thoughts, but stopping yourself from going further. One is clearly a better state to be in than the other. (Well at my POV at least.) I rmb in SS the idea of "elite" vs "elitist", one being a certain despised attitude.

To Xinyuan: I think so. Products of our time. That's very true. Things turn out very differently based on where we end up in. And that's quite sad, actually, that we're actually scared of making the first move to break the psychological barrier a lot of the time. You know already in Primary School in GEP we were wondering why people didn't like us, and we thought that there were bad eggs who totally destroyed our rep. But actually, I never have personally experienced animosity.

And maybe we can step out of the "shell" we have created for ourselves, and others have created for us. The RG badge can be both a help and a hindrance, depending on varying situations, but it shouldn't be a burden.

Thank you for the well-wishes and advice too(: We've already submitted the form, so just waiting for the best. And as Crystal said, we've learnt (and hopefully drummed into my brother's head) that it's really up to him (the individual) wherever he goes. Yup, I realise there are influences everywhere, actually. Just like in RGS.

And about liking his new school, there's this quote that I always remembered from Ben-Hur. Judah asked his servant's daughter whether she loved the man whom her father was matching her too. Having never seen this man before, she replied, "I will learn to love him." And well, Jeremiah can learn to like his new school too. Just as any other situation we find ourselves in.

Well the computer battery is dying and I better post this before it dies.

Toodles!

WEP@ACM!!!

2009-12-02T19:50:00.002+08:00

Yup the third day, it's midweek with two more days to go(: It's been a good experience so far, though the jobs we're doing are kinda mindless and unskilled. Still, I'm beginning to like the feeling of sitting in the museum from morning to evening. It's a nice place to be. Very peaceful, and dark.

Hey and since I'm onto this museum thing, to RGS girls who read this, we get FREE entry to NHB museums cause RGS is a member school(: I know everyone loves FREE! (It's not exactly free, cause the school pays $300+, but it's a pittance really, for ALL 1800 students + teachers.)

I'm appreciating the time in the museum, after the first day, we brought all our "entertainment" material. Coz I don't have an MP3, I went to the library to get a few books. I'm irritated with the Pasir Ris Library, all the books I want are either "On Loan", "Not on Loan" but not on the shelf, or not there at all. But still, I got Emily Dickinson's poems, some book by Sidney Sheldon (one of those page-turners), Moby Dick, an anthology of short stories on the Far East and a short guide book for "To Kill A Mockingbird". I borrowed the book itself earlier and have finished reading.

Last night I finished the guidebook. And today, I managed to read a quarter of Dickinson's poems in the book, a couple of short stories AND study some Chinese phrases(:

Yes I'm quite happy with being in the museum. Yesterday Yi Hong and I were handling Feedback forms, so we didn't get to read much. Today we were counting people entering the special exhibit, which was few and far between, so we managed to read quite a bit (Yi Hong finished her book!) The only thing is that I can't read when I'm at the dark side (We change sides every hour, at the entrance and exit). In fact, I fell asleep outside, and Arif and the other guy (we still haven't gotten his name) walked past and their noisy shoes woke me up.

Wells, the reason I was so sleepy was because we spent the entire night (and a bit of morning) poring over Jeremiah's Secondary School choices. In the end, before Grandma and Jeremiah went to the school, they informed his tuition teacher, who said she'll meet them at Tao Nan to help us with it. In the end, Jeremiah's art teacher, his math teacher and the tuition teacher totally changed what we had (saying that it was a very very very very long shot, in fact more like wishful dreaming), in like half-an-hour right before the 3pm deadline. But I'm glad they did, I feel so much more secure now.

And speaking of PSLE and schools and whatever, I peeped over at the newspaper the lady next to me was reading on the way home today, and this father wrote in in praise of neighbourhood schools and their merits. (You know, after so many of this year's top scorers came from neighbourhood schools.) The last part said something about letting their kids go to school as average Singaporeans. (I kinda touched the word "average" in the previous post.)

Before I continue talking about being an average Singaporean, I must just say that I find it funny that now people are "hailing" neighbourhood schools and putting down the brand-name schools. I don't think it's the fault of brand-name schools that they are brand-name, really. In fact, it can be tougher for them cause they have expectations to meet, both from others and themselves. Really, in this case "perception is reality", and the only reason schools are deemed "branded" is because Singaporean parents think so and try so hard to get into them. [So in this case, suddenly we seem to be knocked out of our stupor and "faulty-thinking", and aghast at what we have thought before, turned back on those same ideas that were once ours.]

And again, it's over-simplifying the situation by just dividing into brand-name and neighbourhood schools. There are neighbourhood schools that are really bad (really very very bad, like TKPS which Moses went to for 5 ghastly years.), just that they don't get any limelight cause it's "normal" for them to do badly. In fact, I anxiously await, the improbable day where all schools in Singapore are good schools, and gangs are an anomaly. Good schools meaning with good motivated teachers who actually care about their students, and are empowered to care for their students. It's a simple idea to get things right, but not so in execution.

My mum said that she visited the MOE HQ before and it was like a fortress. She was trying to speak to someone to pull Moses out of the aforementioned primary school (it was doing no good to him, and aah! i got a chinese phrase i learned today for it: gah my chinese type not working, here's the han yu pin yin: cheng shi bu zu bai shi you yu.) , and they didn't let her see anyone. In the end, somehow my mum found a loophole in the education policies, and that is primary education is only compulsory for kids born after 1995, because the bill was enacted only then. My bro's born in that year of the PIG!!! Okies so she just stopped him from going to school, and after a period of around 7 months, managed to get him a space in Chinese International School. And after a year there, my mum managed to put him in International Community School, and he is doing much better(: although the school fees are really high, it's certainly worth it, or Mo would be one of those gangsters in secondary school. I think it's really quite a miracle how his escape from the Singapore school system went. Cause Singapore Government is very strict on local Singaporean kids going to international schools.

And how did all this come to pass? it was all because of a lousy primary school with bad influence (Malay boys, not that I'm prejudiced, not all of them are bad, or that Chinese and Indians don't have bad hats either.) and a principal who only cared about his school's image. Of course, Moses' own character played a part as well, but if he were in a school like Tao Nan (in contrast, which Jeremiah is in) it wouldn't have turned out the same way.

Tao Nan has really earned its name. Their principal Mr Tony Tan, who has stepped down, was really good. He assigned teachers to classes based on their passion, and preference for students. It didn't matter whether the students were GEP or weaker, they all deserved to get good teachers. He made sure that students are not given up on, and were all provided for, whether they were very smart or weak. And he made sure the students got the idea that they mattered. One small example, the stronger classes were given the end alphabets, while the weaker classes were given the front alphabets. Psychologically, it works and prevents students from getting demoralised.

I don't get the fuss about branding. If you're a good school, people will know you to be a good school by word of mouth, and want their kids to go there.

Now I have to cut this little post short cause the irritating Moses is chasing me off the computer. The problems when your little brothers start to have online "school-work" and then spend 90% of the time on Facebook.

Alrights, let's see if I still feel like writing about schools the next time I post.
And my story about being an average Singaporean.

<3Ruth

Today

2009-11-27T17:16:00.004+08:00

It's a bamboozle of thoughts floating around in my head, suppressed from yesterday. I wanted to blog them out, but ended up watching silly movies on tudou.com GAH!

Okay, start with PSLE results, which is pretty much worrying me, because I have a personal stake this year in my brother, who now has to choose a Secondary school. I think that the fact that my bro scored 211 has shown me that I have a lot of prejudices, when it comes to schools in Singapore and what intelligence is.

I think I'm just lucky that i happen to be one of those who somehow had the inborn capability to do well in examinations, and thereby now belong to the elite group of "GEPer, Rafflesian, blah blah". When I think about it now, I think the little dichotomy in our school about GEPer classes vs normal classes as a problem pales in comparison to all the branded schools vs normal schools distinction.

Looking at the cut-off-points of the schools, there are those right at the top with 260s and beyond (my school, our brother school, more schools), then there are those good schools, that have around 235 or more onwards, and then the rest are normal schools accepting pupils ranging from 188 or 225. The problem I have now, is which school out of the schools for more average kids (in terms of academic performances) is a good school? Good being no gangsters and good school culture.

Alright, it's a big headache man, and I tell myself that any neighbourhood school is just as good as another. And I realise that all the girls in RGS are super smart, and not just RGS, it extends to even schools we (oh, fine, I) "look down on" like Chung Cheng, Dunman, VS, even TK or Fairfield Methodist. Those are the GOOD schools. I even had the nerve before to think that Nanyang lost out to RGS. What's the point in comparison? Both RG and Nanyang are great schools anyhow with intelligent pupils. And the rest, who's to say they aren't good, or their pupils are dumb?

Great, I hate it how I'm feeling. Is it a "name" thing, or am I worried that it will affect my bro's chances of going to University? Which thinking about it, is a pretty unfounded fear. And then I'm feeling bitter as well, that my bro didn't get into SOTA, and now my dad is suggesting appealing to SOTA, which i vehemently disagreed with, because all I want now is for him to go to a normal school that normal Singaporeans go to and prove that it isn't the end of the world. And yet, another part of me hopes and wishes that he could get to SOTA. I can't believe the sheer amounts of money that is being spent on SOTA.

Wells, right now I'm reminded of Mark Twain's famous education quote: "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." And perhaps here in Singapore we have become obsessed with the schooling, and forgotten about the education. Because education can be found anywhere, as long as the individual knows how to look.

Alright, this is the time when having parents and adults help, because they make these sort of decisions for you. I must say, my choice at P6 was sort of like a non-decision, although I did make the decision to come to RGS instead of Nanyang. And I really have little idea why. I guess it was just the name. You know when you think top-girls' school, it's RGS first, at least for me (must've been my grandmother too). And Ms Phua (jelly-poo!) told my mum that RGS would be better for me. But I guess both should be as good. You know, actually quite honestly the biggest reason I wouldn't want to be in Nanyang is because the uniform is white and sleeveless (then I'd have to shave...) But I'd venture to say that if girls from both sides see beyond their uniforms, they would find that they are quintessentially the same, with the same fears and concerns.

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Alright next up, the silly little movies I watched last night: Don't mess with the Zohan, Mr Bean's Holiday and 27 Dresses. Still trying to erase the horribly sick images of Zohan, with the flat silly downright idiotic plot. Aah, can't get over it, why did I let us watch it?

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I'm scared of being hypocritical. You say one thing, you think you know one thing, when you know your own nature screams another. Holidays are good, in the busyness of everyday life you don't really get to reflect on the things you do. When you are bored and the holiday that you've been looking forward to the entire school year doesn't really fulfill you, that is when you really start thinking.

Even then, you shrink in terror at the thought of the holidays ending and another school year, even though right now you're feeling sickened that you're not doing anything meaningful. And yet you can't drag yourself to actually do something meaningful. It's my horrid human nature.

I struggle most of all with the desire to be outstanding, and the understanding that being recognised that way holds no true meaning. The dreary hopelessness that even by human standards you just cannot make it to the top. And even if you are at the top, or near the top, it won't bring you happiness. And so, I say I do not care for such things, which indeed I do not care for. But the feelings of jealousy, envy crop up at times. And if not them, then of pride and getting the sense of comfort that others are not as good as me. I hate them, those feelings that are not right, yet they come, ever so stealthily, sometimes I don't realise it.

It's just that this world is sometimes too real, with its own contraptions and ladders that actually ensnare you, that we get stuck in it and do not see the world that is beyond.

And even after saying all that above, with feelings of other-wordliness and a little contempt for the way I live my life, and the world lives theirs, I will still find things in this life that I enjoy and will put my efforts into. Perhaps the idea is not to get rid of the contraptions, but to recognise their existence, and learning to live without getting caught in them.

Mind-forged manacles, I love that. I've learnt terribly much this year from RALA class, I must say it opened up a whole new world that I never knew existed in terms of thought. I just remembered how the American Romantics prized spontaneity and being natural, but some of them actually rewrote and edited their essays countless times. Wells...the irony. I like just writing things out at first try and then looking back to see what they seem like in retrospect, without editing. It seems most original then, so I really know what I was thinking, and how I was thinking. And that's why I like my blog(:

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Just a random musing about music, that I mused to my mummy about.

Music is transcendental, if I can use that word without invoking images of new-age yoga-like spiritual transcendentalists. Music creates an emotional connection, one that really influences your mood and flow of thought. And it transcends languages, in fact music is a language in itself, a universal one with many tones, shades and textures.

When there's music, you don't seem to be in this world anymore. Music seems like a separate reality, one that seems perfect and beyond. You feel lifted up by music, at the same time other kinds of music can be disturbing and used for torture.

How horror movies are scary because of the music, and the build-up. How romantic scenes are all the more romantic because of the music. If you just saw people kissing and kissing in public, it'd be disgusting and in Singapore be the disdained PDA. But in movies there's the background music that makes it seem beautiful and perfect. But in truth, how much pleasure and fulfillment can you get out of kissing? And that's how it progresses to sex, which really can't provide that sense of fulfillment without a proper relationship, but that's another story for another day.

Right, so right now I'm gonna go and random about the house(:

Updates!

2009-11-21T18:48:00.002+08:00

I toyed around with those blogskins and I realised it's not my fault. I'm not a dumb dumb!

The sheep one, somehow there's something wrong with the html format, the margins get all messed up somehow (and I don't know how to fix it.) which is quite weird. I give up.

Then the other super nice looking one, I tried it on another spare blog i have, and I realised it didn't have space for the title when i post.

Wells so I'm back here, "light of the world" blogskin, I think I'll be stuck with you for a long time to come, after this once-off foray into the tempestuous unknown.

I better go and actually do something productive!

Ah silly day

2009-11-21T18:06:00.003+08:00

Just spent the entire afternoon (well, the better part of it at least), looking for a new blogskin. Looks like I'll be sticking to this one still. I figured out how to solve the problem. This afternoon, after settling orientation stuff (which took quite long), I decided to post on this blog. But to my horror, I found that the image had disappeared! Because fedora_girl's photobucket account had been inactive for 90 days. Aah!!! I thought...it's time for a new skin then.

So blogskin hunting I went. And it was interesting. I found this one that I didn't really mind. It was nice and simple. But I wasn't crazy over it, so I found this other one, that I thought I could use. Then I found out that the creator of the second one was from Nanyang Girls' High, and I was really impressed (the skin is really really nice and like artistic simple and well i liked it.) But then I found her a teeny bit scary, reading her blog and blog shop and all. (I say she's incredibly talented, but quite scares me.)

So I decided I'd use the first cute sheep one, which is really simple and no frills (and has a white background, that my mum says is easier to read on). But then somehow the blogger main file just opened in a safari window and i couldn't get the html format right. So I gave up, and then I stumbled upon the simple solution to solve my pictureless blog, when I went through the existing skin and clicked on the link, and the photo was still there. I basically saved the photo and uploaded it onto my own photobucket account, changed the links and wahlah! my blogskin is saved. So much for blogskin hunting. My day has gone by so quickly.

Right now, I feel like creating another blog just to see the sheep skin one. Ah wells, here I go again(:

New blog?

2009-11-19T13:51:00.002+08:00

Yerp, that's how bored I'm getting today.
I toyed with creating a new blog on wordpress.
And then I got stuck at coming up with a username, so here I am faithfully back to blogspot.

It's pouring over here in Pasir Ris.
The rain's lovely. It signals time to sleep.

I have nothing really important to write here. The past week, described in one word, is "lazy". Which is quite bad. I'm not being productive, not even reading books. Oh dear I shall stop being depressing. I'm just lazing around you see.

But I think this kind of posts are worse than the kinds that chronicle daily activities. Because I'm not chronicling anything in particular. Just how lazy I'm feeling, dragging my feet around the house, checking my four email addresses every half-an-hour, playing on facebook, doing things, yet nothing in particular.

I'm in the doldrums, where the air is so still, and nothing moves. You're stuck in the middle of the sea. Here are a list of things I have to do, that would count as productive:

1. Bible Study (The books are on your table, just go read them.)
2. Chemistry Revision
3. Read that Chinese book
4. Read "The End of Food"

Yup maybe it's the idea of studying that's revolting. Or I just like the feeling of being free (okay, it isn't a nice feeling, I feel useless not doing anything. And ill disciplined because I can't bring myself to do anything.)

I should go to sleep, the wind is really nice. Yesterday it rained in the afternoon too, and I fell asleep at 4, to wake up at 9. Sleep is good, in sufficient amounts though. Too much and you get drowsy and lethargic.

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What happened this week:
OM Team Outing
Informal Farewell

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I think I live for events. Or maybe the word is people. Because I realise that actually going out is not really productive. Going out on my own, would be no different from me staying at home. The difference is that on team outings and all, you have other people who spend time together with you. Doing stuff together is different from doing the same kind of stuff on your own.

And really, human life is a web of interactions. We exert power and influence over one another. No one really has the power to prevent you from being misanthropic. I could just refuse to hand up my homework and not go to school. The worst that will happen is that I will be kicked out of school. Which is fine, cause I don't need school to get an education. I could hang out at Lee Kong Chian and read all I want.

And then people will ask how will you make a living in the future? Which actually isn't a very honest question. Because what they're actually concerned about is "How will this give you a good future?" And then I'll ask "What makes a good future?"

I'll hop on a plane (how I'll get the money is another question then) and go to the pacific islands and catch fish for a living. I'll survive the sandfly bites and live in a little hut next to the beach and count myself among the ranks of what the UN calls "poverty". What makes that sort of life poor anyhow?

School is an artificially created construct, a system that's all, and really a certificate isn't worth that much, it's the experience that went behind that certificate that really counts. Unfortunately, most people don't get it and work so hard for the sake of that certificate, the "guarantee" to a high-paying job, and a good future.

But to tell the truth, I do like the look of certificates. It's official. It says very tangibly that I have achieved something. I can show certificates to the people who will give me a scholarship. It's nice to see your name printed on that precious piece of paper. It's something you can grab and take hold of. Maybe it wouldn't fade as my memories will.

It is pretty scary to think that all your life's worth of efforts are put in for the sake of seeing them printed on a nice piece of paper. (I don't see it that way.) I'm thinking, it'll be quite fun to go into an interview room in the future without any certificates. I'll just go in and say that the certificates don't matter, because what I've learned I've brought with me. And they don't need the records to see who I am or what I've done. They can just talk to me there and then, and I'll tell them all about my life and the fun I've had.)

Ah wells, I'm into some day-dreaming here. But isn't that quite cool, to reach the stage where all that doesn't matter any more. Actually, the above just illustrates your value system, where you get your sense of worth from.

For most of us, we get our sense of worth from other people. We feel happy when people compliment us, and are deeply hurt or at the very least affected by insults and negative comments. Ok, I'm not saying that this is bad, because we need encouragement from each other and it has helped me very much before. And words are so powerful they can affect a person's spirit (that's why all the movie stars say they don't read reviews anymore.) But it's not lasting, and well also depends on the people you hang out with.

Perhaps in a utopian world, everyone is appreciative of everyone else and everyone just gets along perfectly. But it doesn't work very well that way in this world.

Oh dear, in all my posts when I deal with things like "sense of worth", "meaning of life", I end up finding my answer in Jesus. Like the idea that Jesus died on the cross to save you, to take the punishment for your sin is so perfect. A God who is both just and merciful. Ok, where I'd get my sense of worth from, is that Jesus loved me so much that he died on the cross to save me, as if I were the only person He had to save. A love that is so huge, all-encompassing and amazing. That makes the crux of my life and belief.

And so just because I think that I've solved the ultimate meaning of my life doesn't mean that life is perfect for me now (evidenced in this very post.) Because I still struggle a lot with school, and managing time, and all the usual things. And well, I think to put in very simple terms, just because I know I'll go to heaven when I die doesn't mean that I'll jump of a building now so I can go to heaven ASAP.

It's still an ongoing process of living, except now with a greater mission that is to live life in as pleasing a manner to God, that in everything I do I will do it with His guidance and in a way that is good. And it's not easy to please God, because His standards are really high, and as a human being, I struggle with doing the right things. Things as simple as going grocery shopping for the family just once(I was too lazy to go this morning).

But even though I utterly and miserably fail at following God well, he is forgiving and ever patient with me. And though I can never reach His standards on my own, God sent Jesus Christ to die on the Cross to cover my sins, and the Holy Spirit to guide me through everyday.

I'm ever more convinced of this as each day passes into the next. Ah, it was good to get that typed out. That's the rational portion of my faith I guess. And there's much more. But that's the main idea, for me, at this point in my life.

OKay, I've spent really long here. Time to have lunch(:

The rain has died down.

<3Ruth

14th November

2009-11-14T21:22:00.002+08:00

Today was the triple whammy of Formal Farewell, Recreation Day and Confirmations.
Feeling pretty drained, and sleepy. Daddy picked me up 2 hours late, so I was really upset, especially after the long day my mood wasn't in the best of states.
I need sleep, especially right now when I want to sleep, yet want to do something.
And this is when whatever I write doesn't seem to matter.
They are not important in the grander scheme of things.
Goodbye.
Sleep...zzz...zzz...zzz...

Woo Hoo

2009-11-14T00:58:00.002+08:00

Okay quickly type a few words before sleep.

Tonight, end of the 130th school year(: Thank goodness really.

Read Crystal's blog plus the pretty disturbing fps thingum on how bananas are made from humans. (Crystal did you write that?)

And then I've got to go finish my letter to Joy for Formal Farewell. I got her a puzzle! Actually more like two 1000 piece puzzles... so her holiday will really be occupied. But I suspect she'll be so tired and konked out for at least 2 weeks after her Arts Fest Performance to even attempt the difficult crazy puzzle.

I don't feel like talking about Arts Fest, people naturally have a tendency to want to forget bad memories. But then, if we want to learn and do ourselves justice, we cannot conveniently try to forget, as Xinyuan wrote into the Congress Forum. I actually was gonna type something called, "Looking Forward, after Arts Fest" into the Congress Forum, but there was the last post up there that sounded like a closing of the forum for the year. Well, so I'll just write here, but from a more personal narrative angle (and hopefully not sound cynical).

So I got into my mum's car at UCC after the performance tonight, and I just had to blurt everything I thought and felt. I love my mummy, she's the best, she listens and helps you understand how things are, and gives such wise advice that make so much sense. Well so I'll probably outline my line of thought here, and how my mummy made me understand where the problem lay.

I was not feeling very impressed by Rgs Nite. For one, the performing art performances were too short, each felt like it had just begun, and I wanted more, and then the curtains would come down. And well, sorta agree with Xin Yuan's peeve of four groups performing together that for one, overcrowded the stage, and two, was just pretty confusing, doing no justice to any of the groups.

You know people always seem to notice the things to go wrong but do not see the good things. Well, I wanna show that I do see how pro our performing arts are, and the quality they possess. The performances were of a particular high standard and quality that I felt proud of. But then behind it, was the bubbling question of why did they need so many rehearsals? The rehearsal schedule was really crazy and probably a bit over. Especially when their time up there was really short. No doubt, whatever time they had was made spectacular, just that it was just a taste, not enough to cultivate enough "appreciation" for the work our fellow schoolmates have done.

Okay, but the performing art CCAs were good, as they always have been, and would still be, with or without RGS Nite.

I guess it was the musical that kinda was a bit of a disappointment. I told my mum about how I felt about it (really, an RGS Girl myself, I believe that I possess a little bias and was already partial towards the entire nite), which made me rather sad, I really wanted to like it but couldn't help but feel that it was lacking something. My mum said that everything hinges on the script, and really I think that was it (I believe that Ms Sergeant is a wonderful scriptwriter... but maybe in such a school production, she might not have had full rein over the script herself. I shall go no further in speculation.)

The actors (my seniors and friends) are no doubt talented. In fact the entire thing was super professional and you can really see the effort put in with the music, the singing, the choreography, the sets, the costumes, the backdrop. But it lacked that something. There were interesting scenes executed nicely, but the whole thing ah wells I shan't say anymore. I guess I don't have enough expertise to talk about technical aspects of a play (which seriously, with such highly-qualified professionals helping out, was actually really good.)

I guess it was that at the end of the entire thing, I didn't get to feel that "Woah! I have witnessed something really great." feeling that I have gotten from all the other school concerts that I've been to (ELDS, Choir, Band, CO etc.) There was the weird italian song that no one (except the uber-talented Ms Rani) can sing for the Finale. Loved the school song. But for me it ended with mixed feelings, more bad than good. I didn't feel that the performers felt that all their efforts had been worth it.

At the end of it, outside I saw Jaslyn, and she said that the sets people (the people who were working in the backdrop) felt unappreciated. Well then she got whisked away giving flowers to performers. But it left me feeling sad.

By "professional" standards, perhaps this arts fest can be said to be a success. (or maybe not, I do not have the knowledge enough to judge.) Talking to my mum, she said the problem was a "lack of ownership". I guess the Principal recognizes this too, but she probably doesn't see where this stems from. It isn't because students don't buy into the idea of the RGS Nite Arts Festival thing. We do and believe in it.

So again, where did all the problems stem from? Apparently, the people who made all the wrong decisions were the Teachers of the Organizing Team. Mrs Hoo told us also to understand the teachers' situation, that they were very stressed. I understand that, however that begets the question, Why should the teachers be stressed over such an event?

If, just as Mrs Hoo explained, Rgs Nite is really just a day for us to be able to appreciate and enjoy the talents of our fellow schoolmates, then why should there be such excessive pressure and stress on the teachers? If it really just is a time for everyone to enjoy the arts, then why is there such pressure? If it is really just about the girls, then why are the girls being close to "slave driven" to perform?

I also do understand that Rgs nite was meant to be a big event to attract our alumni back to Rgs, and that would certainly provide a certain amount of pressure to put up a good show for the alumni. However, I don't think it should be pushed until there is no space for failure. When old girls come back, when I am an old girl, I don't care about how professional the performance is (although, yes, there has to be a certain standard), I would have had experienced the best plays and musicals in broadway. What attracts us would be seeing the spirit of the school alive and well, the girls enjoying themselves and really having passion for what they do.

My mum shared a story about a butterfly. If you try to catch a butterfly, you'll keep chasing and chasing but never get it. However it is when you sit down and start to appreciate nature and things around you, that the butterfly might just unexpectedly land on your shoulder.

You can apply it to happiness. You can never gain happiness if you keep saying, "I want happiness, I want happiness" and consciously try to chase after it. But happiness just comes naturally when you put your all into things that you love doing. When you spend time with friends in school, even during the dreariest of lessons, happiness can come.

And in the same way, if you chase for success, demand that the performance be great, cannot be anything but perfect, one of RGS standards that will live the legacy, the success will never come. Why should you be chasing success for the sake of success? Really, if it truly is to let the girls enjoy themselves and have a good time appreciating the arts, then so be it. Let the teachers be free, give the girls space to express the talent that they possess so abundantly. Why, our school is full of talent, I am in admiration of all of my schoolmates, past, present and future.

I'm thankful that this year, with its ups and downs, is over. (And I'm not pleased that I'm actually thankful the year is over.) I really hope that we learn from whatever. Is it all about results? Is life really just about results? Is this what the school is teaching us? Are we here learning to learn, or are we learning to complete tasks and hit targets perfectly like little robots?

Again, I'm not here to criticize. But we must learn to learn from our experiences, and reflecting on them is one of those ways. I believe that the Arts Festival is not an anomaly, a sudden out of the blue disaster. I think that it has served to exemplify the way the school is, and the trends observed therein can sometimes be observed in the way other issues are being managed. I may not be in the know or understand everything, but I'm sure that other friends do face such situations.

And all that I've written above is not to say that RGS is a lousy school or I don't like RGS. I love it. My previous post professed my love for my CCA. In the same way, I love the things I do in PB and OM. And all the more, it makes me feel sad seeing fellow schoolmates do things that they do not enjoy, or worse, doing things that takes the joy out of things that they normally would love doing. As a witness, I cannot stand silent to what I believe is really something going quite wrong, and well writing here on my blog helps me to sort and unleash these thoughts that I have.

(: (: (:
Next post shall be about my new OM Team and Problem!!! Excited man(:
[Love OM...I think it's because I've had good coaches. The coaches that I've had have always given us a lot of space to solve the problems on our own and just explore. They let us do everything on our own, as long as we keep them updated. And if we're going along fine, they don't interfere. However, if things are really going quite bad, then they may step in for a little while to do a little resetting, before letting us off on our own again. And so, when we put up our performance, it really feels like ours, that we know that everything belongs to us, and that it rocks no matter what. So, when we do well, we really feel like it is our achievement and feel so great. And then, the coach stands in the background, not saying a word, but with a smile on his face, knowing the part that they have played. And our coaches do hold a lot of influence even if they do not interfere in everything we do. For example, the rare word of advice or encouragement that they give us (scoldings too) can actually have a great impact.] Well, enough gushing for the day. It's 2am I've got to write my letters and sleep!

Why I Love Red Cross

2009-11-11T20:19:00.002+08:00

This reminds me of that time we (Shao, Stef, Jessie, Joanna, Sab) were out at Ion and for the truth or truth game, Karen asked me which I would choose out of OM, PB and Red Cross. It was a tough question that I didn't answer then. I said I'd think about it and get back to her, but I don't think I have the answer now either, or will ever get an answer.

I remember Joanna said that if she were me, she would drop Red Cross. Well, today reminded me again why I love Red Cross and will never let go of it. Honestly, I wasn't exactly looking forward to training or jumping up and down for it. But today's training (T-Camp Part 1) showed me how much Red Cross means, I realise how it touches and can change so many people's lives.

I left Training feeling really hopeful for the future and excited as well. (Really want juniors to learn and improve, and also hope they see the purpose of our scolding and reprimanding them.)Yes!!! Now I can hopefully make it for TCamp(:

The thing that motivates me the most, and I think has allowed me to do so many things, is the fact that I really love everything that I'm doing. And the reason I love the things I do, is because I enjoy them, and the only reason I can enjoy anything I do is because of the wonderful people who are there with me.

And that is something I see in my school life. Pei Qi was saying that people ask, "Don't you have a life? Is there anything you do not related to school?" And she said she realised that there really wasn't a lot outside of school. And we're not ashamed in declaring that "School is our life." Right now it is.

In fact, I enjoy lessons as well. Very much. And all the times after school staying back for this and that are times that I appreciate very much. I guess the only problem is that I've got to find time to study (i.e. Practise Math and Chemistry, Read Chinese books etc.), especially when even after you reach home, you have other work to do before you get on to homework. The thing that suffers the most is sleep.

And sometimes you just feel lazy.

Well the wonderful people in my life. Aikirinashi (we finally had a name after 3 years!) Fedele (even though our yahoogroups is still littletwos08) 312(: And soon to be 412 (wonderful class!) My OM Teams through the years (Dinostories,ChOMpions, and _____!)

Speaking of OM Teams, Ms Lee told us the senior team groupings today. Still don't know for sure who our juniors are. As usual, there were some assignments that would probably not be so preferred by people. I'm actually quite happy with Problem 2 again (I think it was kinda expected) together with Jin Ni (Yay!) and Hemin (yes to beef up da tech side I guess). Hui Jie's now in Problem 5, and like Jin Ni, I think I'll miss her. I wonder how our team will turn out, with juniors and all. I'm excited! (Although the problem is super tech...but ah wells.)

I've a new learning point for this week, and it's about following through with what we plan to do. It's come from the PB stuff this time, coz we realised that we really have to push things through as CARS and really everything is quite tangibly in our hands, because we're the ones who start things going, and get people to do stuff. (And the teachers are the slave-drivers...aah joking joking, the teachers are really great coaches.)

And to whoever reads this blog (I assume you're my friends), I'm getting baptised on the 26th December 2009(: (: (: A milestone I guess, a declaration of my faith and very symbolic. But most of all, before the day itself, I will be really reflecting and praying, questioning (not doubting, but questioning). I told some yearmates today when juniors were doing GP and yay!!! I'm very happy they said they will try to come(:

That's why I love yearmates!!! I didn't feel very conscious or anything asking them, I didn't even plan to tell them today. We were just sitting there then I was oh yes, I'm getting baptised I want yearmates to come(: and then I just blurted it. And Crystal asked a very interesting question, to which I don't think I gave a very satisfying answer, which was "Why didn't Jesus get married?" It seemed like a 'duh' answer at first, but then yes I realise I don't think about such things enough.

Okies I've got to be off to bathe and do random stuff.

Love,
Ruth

इमागिने अ स्मिले हियर

2009-11-09T19:08:00.002+08:00

Title's weird sanskrit again, but it was meant to say "Imagine a Smiley Here". So there. I always go through this routine before blogging a post, and that is visit Crystal's blog, and then go through Crystal's Links to Xin Yuan's. And then I visit random people's blogs (Like Joanne's, who is amusing in a good way)

Today's My Sister's Keeper was more of an inspirational movie. I haven't read the book, but I hear that the movie's ending was drastically different from that in the book. Which is quite obvious, cause you know where the movie's heading 20 minutes into it. (Or maybe already at the intro with the blurry images that evoke sentimentality.) Which definitely can't have happened in the book, or Jodi Picoult wouldn't have such a bestseller. And still despite the predictability, at those scenes with Kate the dying young 15-year-old cancer patient flipping through her scrapbook of memories, I couldn't help shedding those tears.

The RIGHT decision was quite clear cut in the movie, because the motives of the characters coincided quite nicely, and Cameron Diaz's character is the only one who "can't let go". I'm sure it wasn't the case in the book, where there must have been greater conflict and dilemma. I should go check the book out. (Got A LOT of reading to do.) Movies and Books are two totally different creatures.

There's something about death too, that was touched upon. I wonder what people think of death, in the movie death is open-ended. There is comfort in the idea that the person lives on, somewhere (like Montana for Kate), or like in people's memories. Do people look on it in terror, or see it as a natural cycle to be accepted and resigned to? Or that the experience of living is life enough, as Anna narrates at the end, "It wasn't about whether my sister lived or died, but that I had a sister."
It went something like that.

I guess the movie makers chose to focus on that rather than the moral dilemmas involved in the court case. Sometimes you wonder why bother about all the little things (like school, or arguments), that seem inconsequential to the bigger picture. (Why do I refer to myself in the second person?) Well, when you think about it, it doesn't seem to matter sometimes. But when you're involved in the situations it's a different thing.

I think I've grown (and there's much more space for me to grow) in the past year or so, compared to primary school or even secondary one. Perhaps it's the busyness and the stress, that leads you to wonder once again why you are doing all this. And the acute awareness of being strapped of time. The closer you get to worrying about the future (which in our plans, probably stop at university, which is a very short part of the future.)

I want to write. It's become a desire this year to write well and write pertinently. And yet I'm afraid of writing (that's why I like blogging, because once I start typing here I don't stop)sometimes, like when I read books and marvel at the style of writers, their ability to capture the scenes and describe beautifully things I may never see with my own eyes. Or when I stumble upon intellectual musings and theories that I have to wrap my head around. All the theories I have heard of but not known, and I ask, what more is there for me to add to, what is there I have thought of that others have not. And really there probably isn't much, if there is.

And so it dawns upon me the richness of human experience, and perhaps I'm glad for it, that I'm not entirely different either. Everyone shares the same feelings at times, and I'm glad for that, it means we can understand each other and are not alone. I may not have the expression for something, and seeing the phrasing of those feelings by someone else, I say "Yes, that's it!" It's like a "Eureka" moment.

Yups and so I'm just going to dare and write in for R-AGE's bulletin. Theologians and Pastors would probably already know what I'm writing, even better than me, with deeper knowledge understanding and experience, but I guess there's this thing called context, and being in Singapore in the 21st century, at the age of fifteen studying in a girls' school, that's probably a little different from an 18th century monk from England.

Again, I need to beef up on my reading. Last night, picked up "Ben Israel: Odyssey of a Modern Jew" just to flip through it, and ended up reading it from start to finish all over again. This is one book I've gotta lend everyone to read(: It's the personal diary of Arthur Katz that essentially chronicles his inner struggles in trying to find the meaning of all this. Considering the last time I read it was a few years ago, I think I had an even greater appreciation of it, and I identified even more with some of the struggles (though I think I've never had something as intense, considering it was total upheaval for Art Katz since it happened at 35.) Art Katz passed away in 2008, and it is a great loss for us.

From the diaries, you can see he was terribly intellectual with a voracious appetite for books, having read all those philosophers (Faust, Marz etc. etc.) and classics and all. And in that one year of searching for the truth, after much pain and anguish, finding his answer in the living God, he realises that there is the realm beyond the mind, that cannot be eschewed in the cerebral portions of ourselves. Well yes all my friends must read this book(: I can't describe it well enough you see.

I'm halfway through this retelling of the story of Amos by Francine Rivers. It's ok for me (Her Mark of the Lion series was better), interesting to see things from another angle (I've never read the story of Amos in the Bible, so I'm using this as a starting point and then I'm going to read the book of Amos firsthand.) I borrowed this study guide on "Is the Bible reliable?" Gonna do it with my bro every night. You gotta find out right, and understand what other people think.

Yerps, and then I'm gonna read some more stuff like Neil Gaiman, who is wonderful and all but I haven't actually read his work. (Man!) Then there's this book Mr Evans said was good (if I wanted adventure), can't remember the title exactly, something with the word "Pride". Anyways Jia Ying has the book I'm gonna borrow(: He said something about a man in a boat with a tiger, something like Shao Wei's Unlikely Friends rock and eagle story. Yups.

I made a list somewhere else too. Yerp, and there's Geng Yun. (Gotta work on Chinese, which fails me.)Okies there is much to do. I've got to go for dinner now.

Bye!
Ruth

(:

2009-11-06T18:58:00.002+08:00

My Title Box is turning up weird sanskrit-like font again, and that's why the smiley is there. I don't know what to start with. Okay...today (which would originally be the last day of school if not for next week...on the way home saw so many families on the MRT with their luggage heading for Changi towards a well-earned holiday.) was Farewell Assembly. Was emceeing the Handover Ceremony section with Jia Le, kinda standard, no nervousness at the large crowd, just focusing on reading the names properly...coz names are very important.

Then it was class party. We still had snacks and food even though we didn't plan anything. So we sat in a circle passing chips around and playing Taboo. Though I didn't participate very much, I felt so much a part of it just sitting there getting amused by the funny things we say and do. I LOVE 312 #!@ I need to say it again. I LOVE 312 !!!

Then Dr Sakhar called us out, and well, it wasn't exactly a bomb he dropped, but yes a final proper confirmation. He spoke to us about how our class has been (I LOVE my fellow RALAkins too!), hopes that we'd remain as bonded. Words of Advice for our academic future (actually about our learning, I've definitely taken that away, and am not so worried for next year. I'll focus on learning, not results.) I learned loads and I think grown a lot this year because of Dr Sakhar and RALA class. There's this confidence he's given us, about ourselves and each other. I really am quite grateful to be in our RALA class with RALAkins.

Then back to class and now we were playing "I have never". Mr Ho was there listening in to all our little secrets. Aah, love our class again. The innocence and joy of being in secondary school.

Then the Progress Reports. It was loads of stretching across helping to give out the many slips. Had seen my results when Ms Tsang showed them to us, so there wasn't anything new. So it was just the comments. They were all very nice(: and encouraging to me. When reading them, I try to ask where I derive my motivation from, or how much affirmation I can receive from receiving comments. (Are they enduring? Reason enough to continue?) And I constantly remind myself that I will have to continue working hard.

Somehow, the joy I feel at receiving reports has slowly been shrinking through the years. Perhaps it's the dawning idea that this year is not the end of it. Because there's Sec 4, which is more important, though not as important if you look at A Levels. (Could also be because I already know the results, last time receiving the report would be like a pleasant surprise, because I never calculate my marks, and then I'll go "Oh, I actually did quite well this year. Wow.") Now, I look forward to the comments more than the marks.

In Primary School, receiving the report I am elated and look forward to the holidays, a real break with no thoughts of the next year at all. I never had holiday plans to study. Until last year for Math, plans which of course were never executed.

Yes so Progress Report over and done, Mrs Hoo had Isabelle get the Sec 3 and 4 Class Chairs together to talk a little about the Arts Festival issue. I think my expectations have been lowered, and I actually thought that it was good...because I was glad she called for a meeting in the first place(showing that she is concerned, the reasons for which she is concerned I am not concerned about.) and also because the stuff she said made sense. Mrs Hoo is quite sharp really, and she is interested in what the students have to say, which I'm glad of, although I've never been really comfortable with her.

The only thing today that I was a little worried about, was that it was too focused on the next 7 days, on making sure that this Arts Fest will go on well. I do hope that it is not just about the problems of dissatisfaction that we are facing now. I think that it is an important point of reflection for the entire school and the way we do things. The lessons observed are not just for this Arts Fest, but for future Arts Fests (why do we have them, is it worth taxing the students?) And not just for Arts Fest or concerts, but for how the school is run, what influences our decisions.

Another thing that I wasn't so sure about was how Mrs Hoo described it as an "inward looking" celebration thing, to bring the school together to see what we have done in the year. She said it to counter the point about Arts Fest being an event to "bring glory to the school". I don't really like the idea of inward-looking either, it is exclusive and reflects some sort of distancing. Is a balance possible?

Whatever it is with Arts Fest, I hope that we learn whatever we can (which is a lot) from the current situation. And we must fight hard for our juniors too, I think their batch is really the "guinea pig" batch for a lot of things. New class system, GPA system, this Arts Fest thing again when they are Sec 4s. And RA Lit instead of RALA. (So sad, missing out on so much!)

It's really nice to write about your day, makes it seem less empty. Like you've actually done something useful. Which is what this post-exam period has been, slow and meaningless. Yet at the same time, there has been more to do in terms of work from PB. Time seems to be slipping out of my grasp week after week again. And yet, there are times that I can't find anything to do. Like this afternoon that pushed me to enter the universe of the World Wide Web, and it's amazing how much time I've spent on the computer now. Just checking emails, listening to music, looking at Facebook, reading blogs.

Speaking of blogs, I like Karmin's blog a lot. Or more precisely, the way Karmin writes. It's really nice and enjoyable to read, easy to understand yet deep and smooth-flowing all at the same time. She makes the mundane seem full of meaning. And even the emptiness seem poetic. Well I'm waxing lyrical, but the truth is, even though her posts are long I get from one to another wanting to read more.

Crystal's blog is entertaining and I really love the way Crystal puts things. It's a witty sense of humour that either gets me into stitches or puts a smile on my face. And then Xinyuan's blog. Xinyuan talks about meaty stuff that after reading I just want to reply and talk more about what she's written about. Xinyuan has a different nice way of writing too.

Hey talking about their blogs, I got a random idea for our book project (if we ever get it out...oh I'll be so proud.) If all else fails, we'll just take random posts from all the blogs of the ralakins and put them together. And if people don't have blogs, from their diaries and random doodlings. It'll be quite fun, although only bored people will look at it and weird people will buy it.

I love the (: it fills up space and makes it meaningful. It expresses stuff that will take a long time to say in words. Like a simple "hey take care" is different with a little smiley face behind "hey take care(:" Yes it's a little personalized and closer touch.

(Oh yes, since I mentioned Karmin's blog, I'm quite inspired by Karmin's passion for History, and the big thick books that she reads.)

Don't feel like sleeping even though I'm sleepy, cause it's only 8pm now. There's so much time, yet so little. I still have those little niggly stuff to do. Like study for next year in Chinese Math and Chemistry. Or email about Orientation and Handover GM. I'm a super slacker man.

Okay I have nothing better to write about now, unless I go into the meaning of life (but in a philosophy magazine I read yesterday, the guy was essentially saying that the question of the meaning of life has little meaning.) Wells, speaking of Philo, I got an Excellent for it(: I was happy anyways, even though our Philo programme is actually kinda short and isn't really a proper subject.

So here I am once again, I'm torn into pieces.

I'll try writing a story in my next post.

Toodles!
Ruth

2009-10-22T23:39:00.003+08:00

Feeling quite tranquil now. I think it's the two hours of afternoon nap I managed to secure(: Really makes a whole lotta difference. That's why they have those sadistic reality shows that put you in a box and drive you crazy by making you sleep-deprived (can you imagine they do it for entertainment? it was like torture in those communist countries in the past.)

Had Chinese tuition and I was really afraid of telling my Chinese tuition teacher my results, but when I did she was really understanding and I actually felt better after telling her. I have this fear of ever writing another Chinese essay, but reading all when we were reading the model essays together I realise that I do love the language. I really admire all the people who can write in Chinese. Chinese is a really beautiful language, it has so much meaning and all (which I can't get, sadly)

I could wax lyrical again. But there was this 谚语 we read today that reminded me of Emerson's "Society is a wave. The wave moves onward but the water of which it is composed does not." Ｉ just love how in Chinese they say in four words what it takes a whole day to say in English. There are the nuances (that　Ｉ might not get, but know are there) and an entire feel to a phrase. So the Chinese idea of it, which is much more to the point yet abstract at the same time: 长江后浪推前浪，世上新人换旧人。

:)I shall push to the front of my mind again all the things that I'm worrying about:
- Chemistry
- Chinese
- Mathematics --> Need to set aside time to work on. I hope I actually do, last year I didn't manage to achieve anything during the holidays.
- Orientation --> Gonna be exciting, fun, great whole new experience, but also a lot of time and effort and many mistakes made.
- Outdoor Activities --> I haven't even taken BRONZE!!! And I've got to teach people. My Goal is to reach SILVER for EVERY SINGLE JUNIOR in the unit. Gotta look for Red Cross teachers. What am I gonna do?
- Odyssey of the Mind --> Again something I love doing, just worried again (who's gonna be in our new teams...we all need a good team...a motivated one.)

Actually the main source of worry is whether I'll be able to handle everything all at once when they come to me...that will be very soon. And yes, anyone not realised that the hols are really really short? Guess where my holiday will be?

At the Asian Civilisations Museum, doing WEP. Yup fun fun interesting exciting. Always wanted to go to the museum...volunteer as a guide or something. So yes that will be my time away from work. Quite ironic ain't it? Using REAL work to get away from SCHOOL work.

And yes I think this week has been quite a good taste of what it's gonna be like next year. CRAZY. And we're not even getting normal lessons or homework. So a toned down version, but still a taste. Well, we had something like a PT in Extended Essay. And then there's the PB event, Selection Camp which Monday and Wednesday were spent on. Tuesday we had EXCO meeting (which we're gonna have once every month next year). Well, today we sorta had a break, although after the official post exam activities we were meeting random people and only went home at 3. On a normal day, today being Thursday, I would be at German lesson(:

So actually, this week hasn't been that a long and drawn out battle.

Which brings me to the stuff I want to do NOW. Now that I'm freer (compared to when next year comes). I have a list on my notebook somewhere, I'm just making the list again. The top on my list is of course...READING. READ Bible, READ Books, READ Chinese Books. Actually that's the only thing I want and MUST do (besides PB n Red Cross stuff.) Everything else is non-essential. Like baking cookies. Or learning to cook (though I might still)

I'm glad(: Oh I just remembered, Ms Ong said for envisioning we can look at what other schools' leadership boards have. Not be so inward looking and turn out myopic. (I just remembered, coz I realise how inward-looking most of my posts, and my blog in general has been.) I'm struck again by how languages work (tower of babel). English works so differently from Chinese. I'm actually understanding these weird shapes that I'm putting together, and they make sounds that can be said, and a billion other people understand what I'm currently stringing together as well.

funny how we can translate to language what we think. do we think in a language? sandra asked that question. She said for her, she's always been thinking first, and then consciously trying to put her thoughts into words. I think I think too fast, that means I don't let the ideas foster, I immediately change them to the tangible words of language. I procure thoughts from language.

Human beings are peculiar. Weird. I realise. Everyone is weird. You could say that is unique, but the idea of weird means you have quirks, that may not necessarily be qualities.

Me typing so long. Funny how we have so much information floating around in the world. Sometimes you think you're insignificant because of that. You're just one more person in the entire world that is already over-populated and perhaps could do with that one less person - YOU.

Well I hope you don't think about that too much...or seriously for that matter. I've toyed with the idea before. Like maybe how perhaps genocide was good cause it got rid of people in this over-crowded world. But then that's when you think of it with cold hard facts. Human beings are human beings. Human beings are precious, each one worth as much as the other, no more no less. It doesn't matter where you're born, what you do. Of course there may be evil people who do evil things to people, and in those cases with grave injustice I just cannot feel any sympathy (for example ppl like Stalin and Hitler) But there are those whose stories I am saddened by. A lot of the terrorists, the Somali pirates and all, really have no other choice. They are pushed into a corner and it is the only way out that they know. While they do things that are deemed wrong in the sight of governments and press, they experience injustice first themselves.

Okay I'm starting to feel sleepy again. Good night! zzzz

help

2009-10-18T20:03:00.002+08:00

someone shout into my ear wake me up I need to do extended essay!

Should be sleeping now

2009-10-18T00:18:00.002+08:00

Please don't waste your time reading this post. It is all over the place and uninteresting. It's also not written in a good mood and some parts I myself may not agree with (Or haven't really figured out myself)

Ah wells supposed to have done History Extended Essay today. I've got to crack my head a bit more, find a focus, have more things to say. Haiz. But still, I'm glad we've get to do EE, it's really something interesting and out of what I'd normally do.

Was reading yearmates' blogs. Well missed the second day of POP and presents exchange. So we're on our own now. It's kinda funny I'm actually half looking forward to it. Yet not as well. It is scary, when you've been having ma'ams looking after you and catching you all the time, and whatever mistakes you make they are still under their purview. Even though the ma'ams kept POP light-hearted and happy, I still felt that undertone of sadness, nostalgia, whatever you call it.

Yet I'm still so proud of our year, their the sweetest ever, the bestest, the loveliest. If there's no where else like home, then yearmates are my home. I think we've really grown together. And while I always do stupid stuff, yearmates understand and don't hold it against you. You're the most comfortable with yearmates. That's just it. I love our year.

The juniors too, I don't know now that there are no more ma'ams, I feel even more responsible for our juniors. I was quite impressed by acasa's concert performance and touched by their little notes they made for us. I really want us to pull through next year together.

It's at times like this I remember why I love Red Cross. You're free there, you really are family, you know that people care. And I know why I'll not give Red Cross up. There really is a special comradeship we share. I really hope we stick together.

Giving trainings a miss to other commitments is a sacrifice. Sometimes it's not good to be involved in too much. There is a limit to how much you can give yourself to. Something's gotta give. I just don't know what. And so I trudge on hopefully, giving myself to everything. Things do give way, just so long they do not crumble into dust.

When they say life is like a race, it really is. At times, you just can't catch your breath, or you fall down, you hit a roadblock. Other times you feel like you're flying, or you've got the support of so many people. What matters is you keep running, with the finishing line in sight. Well, and you've just got to enjoy running the race. No one else can run it for you, and if you stop no one else can take your place.

Perhaps I'm losing stamina. I started feeling it this year. Perhaps it's the feeling of growing old. In Sec 1, and even Sec 2 I just chionged and did everything I could. And then I came to Sec 3 and realised I can't do the same thing, and so suddenly you feel as if energy is finite and enthusiasm limited. You don't go all out, and yet you wonder why you're still tiring out.

Or maybe I'm just feeling sleepy now. I've been doing the same thing actually, really, just chionging and then catching a breather before you chiong again. The difference is that between last year and this year, the breathers became really short. When I came back in T3 2008 I was really used up, but the the week-long Korean Trip revitalised me (all the sleeping on the bus). Then December was pretty short in comparison to sec 1 december.

HEY RUTH! STOP THINKING ABOUT THESE THINGS!
Yes why should I? Just making myself even more stressed you know.
Always thought I could handle stress, but the thing about stress is that you have to have some semblance of ignorance when it comes to it. For me, Sundays are normaly stress free because I don't think about anything to do with school. Sleep time is stress free too. Then when you come back on Monday everything pours in, and you stress and trudge through everything (but with a fine determination and ardour because you've had a good weekend rest)

Yes, actually I do enjoy the things I do, just that there's a little thing called datelines. (Without which things won't get done.) Bloop bloop bloop. And I don't like the thing called email either. Or INET for that matter. I do like my blog, because blog's not related to school. Bloopy bloop bloop. Actually I like email, because of email I can communicate to people halfway around the world from me, but it also meas that people living on the same red dot as I am can email me in a split second and give one-day notice datelines...and expecting you to have read whatever.

I'm becoming complacent.

Okay I'm just going to sleep now.

If anyone's reading, please don't be worried. I'm doing okay, good actually. Just indulging in some emo introspection on my blog.

I should actually follow mum's advice and post something that's edifying and useful, things that people would be interested to know and will help other people. Yerps this will be my last emo-ish useless post(: I'm done!

<3Ruth

Friday

2009-10-09T18:12:00.001+08:00

And all the feelings of despondency and struggle are descending.
It's the end of the week, yes, and a short reprieve. Monday there's Chinese and Wednesday's are RALA and RAH papers.
I think am still feeling distressed over my History paper, seeing my 4.0 fly out of the window.
And I kept moaning and groaning to people...which is very bad of me, because it's not edifying...I thought I'd stop moaning and groaning but here I am.
Moaning and groaning.
Which doesn't make sense does it.
When I think about all the other people who don't even have the chance to go to school and take exams
To study together with friends and have fun, things that they'd love to do.
Yes and so shall I stop.

It kinda pushed me to again rethink why I do the things I do, and whether everything really matters, and the bigger scheme of things.
Exams do that to you. Exams where you know you didn't meet your expectations.
I came home encouraged by some Bible verses, but still struggling.
A little with guilt over why I'm so concerned about my marks.
When people out there are dying and I the fragrance of chicken briyani for dinner is wafting into my room.

Love this song, it really really encapsulates what I want to do:
"Take my five loaves and two fishes, Do with it as you will, I surrender.
Take my fears, my inhibitions, all my burdens my ambitions, You can use it all to feed them all."
Five Loaves and Two Fishes - Corinne May

Sometimes you wonder if God is just an abstract concept, a figure created by man to explain all, a figment of imagination to depend on, to look to in times of need.
And sometimes the idea of God does get used to manipulate people, like in the Roman Catholic church of Martin Luther's time, who extorted money from willing victims.
But at the end of the day, you know that there is a God. Not just because there HAS to be a God. It's been built into our beings, and I'm reminded of God every time I walk down from school to the bus-stop and admire the beautiful trees, and when I go to the beach and hear the crashing of the waves. And when good things happen to me, and when bad things happen.

I think because I've been born into a Christian family, I've grown up learning that there is a God who is there, who is our Father and who loves us, whom I can depend on at all times. I don't think I've ever doubted God, but I never really knew God as a someone. As a someone whom you can get to know like a friend. A someone who is REAL to talk to. Not until I came to Grace and R-AGE and learned so much more. And although I've failed so many many times, I've been picked up and forgiven again and again. When you know that there is a God, and when you come to know God, there's more meaning and you see things from a different viewpoint. Your priorities change (even if in actual practice it may be hard to) and it feels as if you have a rock to anchor upon.

Just like during situations like now. When my problems seem even more insignificant compared to other people. And I hope that I'm not sounding emo and really despondent. Because in truth I am not. Although my mouth just keeps going and going and complaining, and I can feel the disappointment and "Man! Why did I do that!?", I'm trying to stop it because that's not what really matters. So yes I pray I'm not worrying people or passing on any stress to anyone who reads this point (few though they may be) Oh shoot I'm speaking Yoda talk. I realise I like Yoda talk and jumbling my sentence structures. Learning German has helped me do that, and reading Wordsworth too. Because when you write a word you don't really wanna press the backspace button, so you just continue typing and see what you end up with. Sometimes it's normal, sometimes it's just weird and sounds a bit more cheem because of the jumble in word order. Now seems it normal. (Ah wells, that one was on purpose.) Actually Yoda would say, "Normal, now it seems" or "Normal, it seems now". It seems normal now.

Hey that reminds me of what Jessie said about some poets whose poems' meaning change just by switching or removing the punctuation. That's pretty cool. The power of languages. That's why there's linguistics. I might go into that, it's the kind of thing I may find interesting, but I think I'd much rather spend my life doing something that at least may seem more useful. Not saying that linguists aren't useful, but just that I don't think I'll find enough meaning in that. (aah, no pun intended).

I realise swear words are very useful. In expressing extreme emotion. Like "What the heck", or "s**t!" or worse words that I don't know. I'm sure there's something linguistic behind them that help make swear words swear words. Maybe it's the shortness of it, and the sound that is short, with a strong and sharp ending sound, that helps in expelling anger. Like "What in the world" doesn't really cut it as much as a direct "****". Never used swear words in primary school before, just weren't exposed to them, and had no reason to either. Started a little in Secondary school, in words like "sheet" (I realise I tend to say it when playing ball games and make mistakes), and also when reporting to my mummy that Moses said "f***". Sometimes when a swear word is overused, it doesn't seem like a swear word anymore. And that's scary, when one uses it without realising the connotations and really pisses (cancel that) fills another person's ear with shit, literally "shit".

And swear words are low-level phrases that thugs and gangsters and uneducated people use, so they say. Yup so we should be able to express emotion through proper language. And I think that's why poetry's so wonderful, it expresses emotion so artfully, directly yet indirectly. Sometimes it may be subliminal, other times straight in your face. (Like Dr Sakhar said this poem that was really powerful was filled with swear words, you get the drift it was a really angry poem.) Like when a person says _____ you don't really know what the problem is all how the person is feeling out of a range of possible different shades of feeling. You kinda get it a bit more if the person can explain further.

I think the word "okay" is like a swear word. Just without the uber negative connotations. But I really don't like it (even though I use it a lot myself), and most people don't like it because "okay" doesn't really tell you anything. "Okay" could lean towards "Good" or "Okay" could mean "Not so good". Like "I'm okay" ONLY.

Yes so that was a not so short diversion into swear words. I love blogging you could blog for ages about anything and everything, and it's so much more fun than writing essays because you don't have a point to make when you blog, you just blog. Whatever comes to your mind and whatever comes next. But most people don't really like reading that, especially when they're strapped on time. And so teachers will say it shows you have an "undisciplined mind". Well, if any teacher would use that to describe our essays. We're pretty rigid in a sense. I'm rigid. Sometimes I don't like my writing for being too rigid. Sometimes I'm scared of thinking that I write well because I'm scared I'll become complacent and not write well anymore. It's illogical, but I feel that way a lot. Like how is my writing good? Don't all people write, and all people write differently, and all people should be able to write their own styles, and my writing's not any better or any worse than anyone else's writing. But of course, when you look at literary greats that's a whole different matter. They're just great.

And sometimes I wish my Chinese were better. (But I don't do anything about it.) Chinese is a wonderful literary language. One day my Chinese will reach the level where I can read Ancient Chinese texts and understand at least a quarter of it. Chinese is beautiful, I don't know enough about it, but what I know, Chinese is a more elegant language than English. And four letter Chinese phrases and sayings hold so much meaning as opposed to four letter english words (haha swear words) or even chunks of paragraphs of English. Yups Chinese think in terms of pictures, and they hold a lot of symbolic meaning. Oh oh and I remember the Chinese characters that tell the story of creation and of the flood. Hmm...here's a website that's quite brief yet comprehensive at the same time: http://www.wbschool.org/Chinese.swf . I can just say...Very interesting.

Well I think I should have typed my peace for today. And I'm not feeling so worried anymore.
[Actually everyone has the same moments of depression, and I think a lot of people have it worse than me. Those sensitive souls, especially the artistic ones. Sometimes, knowing that someone else needs more help than you makes you want to stop pitying yourself and encouraging that person.]

Okies, and I wanna end with a poem. Mummy's been telling me about it but I never dug it up to read. It's by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who was imprisoned and eventually died at the hands of the Nazis for involvement in a plot to kill Adolf Hitler. It's a really moving one and even though Bonhoeffer went through much tougher times in jail and torture, the feelings that he has so often apply to our own feelings at times, so here it is:

Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell's confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!

March 4,1946

Love,
Ruth

36 minutes to the End of Saturday

2009-10-03T23:24:00.002+08:00

It's funny how you don't really lament the end of the day, or celebrate the start of a new day. Used to sleep through midnight. And then it became working through midnight. Somewhere along the annals of our fairytale imagination Cinderella lost her crystal slipper at the stroke of midnight. The midnight owl came and went. There in the mid of the night, deep into the morning a blood-sucking creature awakes to find you in your bed and...

But really at midnight I'll just be sitting here in front of this screen and keyboard thinking and worrying about what is to come in the next week or so. And the time after that. Or I'll be tucked neatly away under my sheets with the better half of me spending time with butterflies in dreamland. Or I might just find myself awakened by a frightly bright and early morning with a shriek...

A shriek of my alarm bell. It is the end of a day and passing into a new one. It is a time of great significance. Everything done before this is past, no taking back of anything you've done. Everything you're going to do is now in your hands again. You have full control, but just one chance you can't get back again.

And so my today, with a litany of wasted time passes again. What is it have I done? What is it am I to do? And another day passes with the gross insignificance of the next few. An English essay, Chinese symbols cymbals, Satire of Social Studies, Literature acquiring a new limpid form. Worrying Results. Days of bliss and thorough throw back of everything downloaded into my brain to the institution of learning to which I am attached to and lifeblood flows through. Maybe I fall sick. And then I find myself escaped into the net of lessons everyday. I may get caught by it, I may use it to jump and fly out again, I find many other people tangled together with me and perhaps if we push hard enough together we can break the net. But everyone's too busy getting caught and trying to jump out on their own.

And so 16 minutes of my life spent to write about my day.
I hope I've given it enough appreciation.
So now rest me safely on my purple pillow,
And dream my night away.

2009-10-02T20:36:00.002+08:00

Can't resist the temptation to blog. Well today was first day of school exams (not considering German) with English and Chinese. It was quite alright. Then we had lunch at Subway and then RALA about Whitman (Whitman's cool and unconventional, or maybe it should be the other way around).

Came home with Jessie and Cheryl on the MRT and then spent random time watching Youtube videos on Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson (man her AI audition was so amusing!) Great was supposed to be doing SS revision due to the obvious lack of time I'm experiencing right now for studying but ah wells the tyranny of Youtube brings you from one video to the next and you keep clicking and clicking and clicking away.

Anyways, I was on Youtube to check out the SS source of Anwar's Interview. He was very careful with his words, you can tell, and not very comfortable, and it became very obvious at the end of the transcript when the interviewer asked about Malay supremacy that Anwar was really very agitated by it. (sensitive spot man!) I don't totally understand the flow of logic either in that last section:

So Anwar has not supported "the idea that Malays should have their special rights special benefits because this is MALAYsia this is their ethnic homeland not that of the Indians or the Chinese minorities", because he says it is "the last refuge of a scoundrel". Do I understand right, that the "scoundrel" refers to those who support race-based Affirmative Action? He says "it (the issue of Malay supremacy) is complete irrelevant" but I think he's just glossing over because it IS so deeply rooted in the Malay mindset, and by dealing with the issue (he would have to make a stand on whether Malays do have the supremacy or not, which both ways would really upset many people in the country) would frazzle more than just a few nerves in the country (i.e. losing support of most of the Malay/Chinese/Indian population.)You can really see the politics at play here. Perhaps Anwar really hasn't made up his mind about the issue.

I think it is not just about "adequate opportunities" for the Malays and "fair treatment as citizens of this country" for Chinese and Indians. That makes it sound good for all, but the basic idea of Bumiputeras requiring more help is so entrenched in the Malaysian system, that no one dares or can deal with it.

In the other interview we watched, you could really tell that the NEP is Malaysia's sacred cow. No one can touch it. Perhaps it's like that monster progeny that has developed. (On a side note, humans create a lot of monsters and disasters that go out of control.) The nature of it is the issue is so sensitive that whatever side a politican takes (even if he is as high up as a PM) it is definitely going to be controversial and support losing, so better not to take a position on race relations at all.

It is a dilemma, and maybe policy makers just don't know what to do. At least when you have the NEP, you go ahead with it, and the 20 years are up. We have come to a crossroads, because enough people have become upset with the system so entrenched, that politicans have to pay attention to it and a new decision has to be made that will impact the future of the political parties, and the country greatly.

It's tough to suggest any alternative at the same time. While Meritocracy has worked in Singapore thus far in ensuring class mobility and fair treatment, there are the beginnings of discontent with the system, with worry of the build up of elitism, and whether the play-field will remain level (or is it? in the first place). Ironically, Singapore is halfway there in fulfilling the "prophecy" set out in Michael Young's satirical piece The Rise of Meritocracy. Just hope that we can reverse this process and remain at a "golden mean" stage. Quite worried for the future of our country really, but that's another topic for another day (more like another two more weeks...and then we're gonna have to pick up on so many more things like the foreign worker dormitory/slum problem.)

And if Meritocracy is showing signs of failing in Singapore, where Meritocracy forms the basis of our governing principles, how then can it work in Malaysia? Where the country is so big in the first place, where there are divisions between urban and rural, rich and poor, Malay, Chinese and Indian? With Affirmative Action (NEP) in Malaysia having clearly left a mixed bag of reactions in Malaysia, I wonder how in the world Meritocracy is going to work in a place like that. I think the key idea is that different countries means totally different contexts and cultures, different histories, different people, different POVs. Basically, their identity is different from ours and their circumstances as unique, and whatever policy is implemented cannot be one size fits all, what works for my country will work for yours.

When you come to think of it, the idea of AA is to level the playing field such that the portions of society not doing so well economically can catch up with everyone else. However, the problem with Malaysia's AA again, is that it is benefiting the majority Malays who hold the majority political power and are the status quo. They are far from being the minority. In fact by wielding the majority political power, they are influencing the balance of power in the economic world, and this is where the idea of "cronies" come about, because it's like helping yourself to the goodies that the country can offer you.

However the sad thing is that many Malays really do belong in the lower income groups and have problems living from day to day. They need help, and the question is, have they received that help from the NEP? I believe that they have received some semblance of support from the NEP, but not substantially. While there have been the said increase in terms of Malay ownership of wealth, from 4.3% to 20.6%, it is still disproportionate to the 54% Malay population. And also, not all the 54% Malay population are holding onto the 20.6% stake in the country's economics. I don't have the hard cold evidence now, but I think it's probably in the hands of a few top people and companies. (Actually, isn't it the same in any other country in the world, let's say Singapore. Widening income gap and the same few billion dollar people who well let's just say have a net-value that is impossible for a coffee shop auntie to imagine.)

Okay, but for the sake of the exam, and simplicity of this argument, let's just say that the NEP has worked in bringing the Malays up to an acceptable economic level. There is greater Malay share in wealth, and also less Malays below the poverty line. So where shall we go now?

The Chinese and Indians are upset that the preferential treatment of Malays discriminates against them, as some of them are as poor and need help as well, but do not receive it. Or in terms of education, may be brighter and more hardworking but don't receive scholarships and entry into state universities. It is seen as unfair, that these basic needs that a government should help cover are not being covered for the Chinese and Indians.

I think that as citizens, Malaysians accept the idea that Malays are Bumiputera, sons of the soil, and receive special rights as a result. The Malays believe in it, and Chinese have to recognise that one of the reasons there have been no major rioting and attacks on them (a.k.a the situation in Indonesia in 1998) is because Malays have a blanket of security with the NEP.

However, there is probably a point where it is gone too far and the effects have become detrimental to the extent that it receives international coverage. The programme has said to have "made Malays lazy" creating a culture of dependency and sense of entitlement in Malays. At the same time, Indians and Chinese think that it has gone too far when there is blatant discrimination, that Malays are the only ones helped irrespective of circumstance. This has led to a brain drain of Chinese who feel that they cannot fulfill their potential in Malaysia because of the inherent discrimination in the system.

Take this illustration for example. It would probably be more understandable that when two people of similar ability have to gain entry into employment, the decision is that made on race. It works as a working principle. However the situation is such that even when the one is obviously much weaker than the other, he is still chosen by virtue of race. This applies to poverty as well, If a Malay and an Indian both need help of the same kind, and it can only be given to one, then it is by principle given to the Malay citizen. However in the case of NEP,Malays are all helped, irregardless of social and economic standard, even those at the top who are already doing perfectly well and have no need of help. When this happens, then the Chinese and Indians who need help more so will inadvertently start making noise.

And so now, one of the new directions proposed for Malaysia is to have non-race based Affirmative Action. In Anwar's own words, "Affirmative Action based on need". It sounds like a good solution in terms of solving the problems of injustice in the system, and ensuring that help goes to those who need it most. I think the toughest problem is the transition, how is this change going to happen and how are the mindsets of people going to be changed? As evident in Anwar, politicians are very careful and do not wish to cause distress in the Malay population that they are no longer being helped. The idea of Malays receiving special treatment is entrenched so deeply and I believe is something that can only erode slowly with the passage of time, so perhaps now is not the time to deal with it head on.

Looking at the question that Mr Chew posed to us, "Do racial-religious conflicts occur because of race/religion or the inequalities and unfairness in society?" I think I've got my answer. Major conflicts occur because there is inequality and unfairness in the society, and racial-religious conflicts come about when the inequality and unfairness is split according to racial lines. Therefore the presence of a multicultural society does not mean that conflict will occur, but whenever there is inequality and unfair treatment of any one group, it is sure to arise.

In application to the situation of Affirmative Action, the conflict has come about because of inequality and unfair treatment of different races that has become too unbearable. I think it was just waiting to arise. Therefore now, Malaysian politicians are trying to move away from a racially divided NEP to a needs-based social class one. I think that it is a step in the right direction, but it will definitely be a long and hard road.

YES!!! Hao le This has helped so much it really cleared up my thinking. Okay got to rush off to the toilet now. Will be back soon(:

Affirmative Action in Malaysia

2009-09-26T21:58:00.001+08:00

Yups so since Mr Chew said we have to think about the subject enough and come up with our opinions here I am trying to form one. Perhaps it'll help whoever's reading too(: I'm taking most of the material from Lee Hock Guan's "Affirmative Action in Malaysia" article and basically making my own links, based on what we've been discussing in class.

Well first things first, Affirmative Action is basically actions and policies that help a disadvantaged portion of society, split according to ethnicity, gender or religion, to do better in that society. They are measures to address the problem of inequality. By the nature of affirmative action, usually the minority in a population are the ones who are helped, as they often wield the least political, economic and social power. However, Malaysia is unique in the sense that the group being helped are the majority Malay population, who therefore wield the most political power, although supposedly not economically. This makes for a lot of controversy.

Before we assess the results of affirmative action in Malaysia, we should first look at the causes and some of the reasons behind it. Ensuring that inequalities are dealt with and balanced out is important in any society. If people view the situation as unfair and unjust, political and social unrest might begin to brew, which does not spell very well for any country...or the ruling party who might very possibly be booted out of their seat of power by these unhappy people. In Malaysia, the Malays realised that they had fallen back greatly economically under British rule and there was much debate over this topic in the 1960s. There was a lot of dissatisfaction especially among the urban Malays who were fed up with their economic sluggishness. These tensions eventually bubbled over in the 13 May 1969 race riots, with economic grievances identified as a main cause for the rioting. Of course, the government had to do something about it and the New Economic Policy (NEP) was unveiled. This economic restructuring along ethnic lines consisted a comprehensive system of policies, programmes and instruments to benefit the Malays.

Understanding how Malays view their preferential treatment is also key to understanding why the NEP in Malaysia is so ingrained and tough to take on or even talk about. Special rights for Bumiputeras was written into the Malaysian Constitution (Article 153) establishing the "special position" of the Malay community through such ethnic preferential treatment. Way back in 1948, the Federation of Malaya Agreement had already given Malay rulers the power to "safeguard the special position of the Malays" for "positions in the public service and of scholarships, exhibitions and other similar educational or training privileges and business permits and licenses". In this situation, Malays feel that as "sons of the soil" such special treatment is expected and natural, "not open to negotiation".

Malays need the NEP for security too. Having the now innate perception that Malays are faring worse than their Chinese or Indian counterparts, Malays hold on to the NEP as it provides as a security blanket, the net beneath the tightrope that comforts and leaves you feeling secure about your future, whether you cross successful or fall midway. It is also interesting that in Malaysia, there have been no serious riots, breaking into Chinese houses and such as those in Indonesia or Thailand where Chinese hold the economic advantage. This can be credited to the NEP, as it appeases the Malay community's insecurities.

Okay that's all for now, I've got to go and actually do my German Book Review. I haven't done anything the whole day except a few Math worksheets AND looking at old family photos on the computer. Relaxing and nostalgic day but I've now got loads to do now (the advent of the literature FA manzz..)

Next post will evaluate the effects of the NEP, and also comparison with Meritocracy, and possible alternatives.

<3Ruth

Boo hoo

2009-09-25T23:41:00.001+08:00

Friday is welcome relief. Had discussion about SCamp then Social Studies CES. Returned home to an empty house (which actually isn't as bad as it sounds). Where after flipping through the newspapers I fell asleep all the way till 9. So here I am awake on the computer and come to think of it I haven't gotten down to anything productive. Watched some MJ videos, looked for nice music (which doesn't work I'll just stick to whatever my mum's playing), checked email, check INET, read some people's blogs...and am now blogging.

Just understood why they say Words come cheap. Like the entire chunk up there isn''t very meaningful. Well right now I feel like going back to sleep again but I must finish this post I haven't posted in a LONG time. Today Mrs Hoo addressed the school where she came back to us on the infamous "The RGS Experience" exercise. She managed to distill the points that we made, although I don't know what the priority is for her. It really is a lot of things to do, I really hope we manage to go back to basics (whatever they may be: providing first class education I hope AND school canteen food)

Being a principal is probably not easy. I'm still so mixed about what to think. If I actually had anything substantial that was really pertinent and I felt really much about it then I would go straight to Mrs Hoo. But I haven't so that means two things we are doing really fine or I'm not thinking and feeling enough (which probably is the case if not why would I fluctuate between being so zealous during class discussions and talking to people and just going through everyday life as usual. Perhaps I'm afraid. I don't know that I don't know the issue well enough? Or maybe it's not such a big issue after all? Hmm I'm not sure. I should write down about the times that make me feel so passionate for the school (both good and bad). It's quite funny how you develop a sometimes irrational attachment to people and institutions.

It's funny how we can blog and talk so much, and then feel scared that we won't have enough understanding or material to write essays for school exams and subjects. Like it's probably higher level you know, like when I did my Literature PT, or my History Extended Essay it's like a painful laborious process. Could be because I don't know the subject well enough and fall back on copying and pasting information when I don't know how to phrase something. That's why I admire the people who write dictionaries. Amazing. There's translation between different languages, I think there's also a translation from abstract understandings of the mind to tangible human language for expression and communication.

I've just got hit by an idea to revise for social studies by blogging. I'll do my next post on affirmative action(: That'd be fun!

But first I'd like to share about my takeaways from this week. I remember Tuesday was a horridly dreary day for me. I felt so antisocial and even entertained thoughts of being a loner. Humans are social creatures I guess and it feels really bad when you feel all on your own and out of place, and then you think no one understands you or cares about you. It's quite silly actually. So Wednesday morning I woke up thinking, "Hey why am I feeling so emo and useless. If I want people to talk to me than I've got to talk to people". It's quite likely that everyone else is feeling the same sort of loneliness as well, so you can be the one to break the chain. And I think it helped I prayed about it and that day was a pretty good day (my seatmates are really nice sweet people really I love my sear because of them)

This year I think I've come to the realisation that the reason we do things is always because of other people. There is some sort of obligation to others that comes naturally to us. It provides pressure, a sort of push for us to do work. For me, it began when my Red Cross mates were really doing so much for the unit and putting in so much work. I was really grateful to them, and it naturally was a motivating factor for me to do my part more in Red Cross so as not to waste all their time, effort and energy. It went on from there to why am I doing homework? Of course doing homework is for your own sake, but it's also because of some sort of special influence and power that teachers hold especially so in Primary school. They had power and authority, and they would scold you if you didn't and somehow that makes you feel really bad. I guess for different people it may be different reasons, for me it was perhaps more of thinking that not doing my homework is wrong, the bad feeling may come from the disappointment of not reaching people's expectations (others and your own), or that being scolded just makes you feel upset...

I could well not care and slack off everyday. No one would be able to do anything about it in the truest sense if I didn't care what they thought at all, or considered what impacts my actions would have on them (or on myself). I guess I'm hard-wired to do my best, knowing that God has given me potential and gifts to be developed to the fullest. It's a natural sense of achievement as well when you do well, that satiates you for a while (like reading back on report cards makes me anxious, happy, and also afraid of getting too carried away in the glad emotions and trying to get myself back down to earth. It's a funny array of emotions every time I get results back. And yet when you think about how results come about, they are instituted by who else but other people, other people just like you, perhaps older and with more "power" supposedly, but just as equal and as human as I am. And the only reason why these results matter are because other people are going to look at them to decide if I will get a certain job, or scholarship.

And I get a job, a good job so that I can relax and earn good money...so that what? I can raise a family? And have more interesting times to explore and live in with children and then teenagers. Hmm I'm wondering where my argument is bringing me (or where I'm bringing my argument, which should be the case) Anyways, it's just an observation that many of us are motivated by pressure (both perceived and real) placed on us by other people. Come to think of it, there might be some sociological, psychological studies and explanation for all this.

Oh my mum says she was just reminded of all the people sitting on the little pods in Wall E seeing me in on the couch with my eyes glued to the screen just typing non-stop. Haha funny imagery.

So now I wish I can translate this kind of non-stop flowing writing to like my ideas on Affirmative Action AND my extended essay. (shucks Mr Ganesh extended the dateline and I lost all motivation to finish it over the weekend. shall be chionging it at the last moment) Well, I guess I should be going back to bed now for a productive night of sleep, give my brain and body a well-deserved rest and start studying full throttle tomorrow. Let's see, what will I do tomorrow:
- German Book Review Report
- German Oral Preparation
- German Exam Studying
- Math worksheets, revisions exercises, formatives
And if there still is time:
- Social Studies Affirmative Action figuring out
- Chemistry Revision and Practise
- Biology Ecology Round up
- Read good chinese compositions
Oh and think of ideas for our first ever podcast for PB (new comms initiative!) so cool just that I'm not so good at doing stuff like that.

And now, I shall take my leave.
Auf wiedersehen!

About music

2009-08-31T01:35:00.002+08:00

I think I'll soften what I said about pop music and all. It really isn't anyone's fault, and it just turned out that way. People want dreams and escape, industries earn big bucks giving us our dreams and escape.

Well the change of heart is from listening to more songs, (like MJ and Elton John and Elvis) again, and then realising that hey we've actually been singing that type of songs all along. (Of course from the earliest beginnings of the music industry to now there has been evolution but there's still the idealism and the fantasy, and a lot of silly lyrics.) Maybe it's just human to paint something better than our circumstance, isn't that what art is? To glorify even devastation, to paint false pictures of grandeur, to bring hope?

I was telling my mummy about how I was so irritated with all the screaming while David Archuletta was singing his songs, and my mum told me about the idea of mass hysteria. She said it is a manufactured atmosphere, a created awe and feeling. If David was singing in any shopping centre in pre-Idol days, would he have received the hysterical response that he did? It's because of the larger-than-life image, idol name and marketing that builds it up to the mass hysteria. (Previously maybe the most Archuletta would have gotten for singing was probably a pat on a head and a cookie from his aunties.)

It's the same concept behind say, how did Hitler get the support of an entire nation to commit genocide? The same methods in the music industry to gain popularity (and cash) are applied to politics to gain votes and power.

A heightened awareness that movie stars, and great writers, role models, politicians are humans just like me with the same limitations, insecurities and personal struggles, has paradoxically not led me to be cynical about how human work is over-rated and glorified, but in fact appreciate human achievements all the more, appreciate the talents that my friends in school have, both big and small.

Our world is simply so amazing, if we just slow down to observe and reflect. Everyone is so diverse and special. And it's a fallacy to think you're not special because everyone else is special too. Everyone else doesn't need to be the same for you to be unique. I think we don't realise this enough.

I'm still figuring out exactly how everything is connected in this world, it's so tough if you don't know your place. You know riches don't bring fulfillment, Fame does not, not Power, not my Academic results. There are too many examples of "successful" people who seem to have so much suddenly falling, out of that inner turmoil and abyss. Ernest Hemingway, a great literary figure, a genius who had everything going for him, put a gun to his head and put an end to his life. I think what he said would really strike a chord with many of us, "I live in a vacuum that is as lonely as a radio tube when the batteries are dead, and there is no current to plug into."

I think all of us have experienced that feeling of meaninglessness and despondency at one point or another. We can ignore it when life runs ahead of us and we play catch up to, and get caught up with homework, stress, enjoyment, but we're really missing something inside, especially when I get to those low points in life. Ernest Hemingway, being the literary genius that he was, was probably more sensitive and affected by that emptiness.

You know after today's sermon I really want to be obedient and love everyone I can love. Even though love is work, love is meaningful and fulfilling work. I was inspired by Sharon (the valedictorian) at speech day, who did so much community service and work. I want to do the same too, and I don't want my motivation to be CIP points or a great resume or even the feeling good after I have done something good. I want it to come out of genuine passion for the people, to really have a heart for them and to love them, and that's why I do things. (But then whatever can I do and will it help?)

And I've got hope for us. Though I'm resigned to the fact that humans will keep destroying our world till we destroy ourselves, I've still got the belief that we can make a difference, no matter how small. We might not be able to change the course of the tragic path that the world is walking down, but we can pull people out of that path, and it would be a difference for those people, even one person will be many. There is true hope, I know it.

My eyes are shutting and it's 2.30am, my posts have been ending at later and later times I realise.

Good nite!
There's so much more to write about.

I am getting pop literate!

2009-08-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

"Climb every mountain Ford every stream Follow every rainbow Till you find your dream." Love the song so sweet and inspirational. (But I think the Mormon Choir did no justice to it on Youtube, their rendition was lifeless.) Still, feel like watching Sound of Music all over again. Love that show.

Anyways, though it's now eleven and speech day is tomorrow, I'm beginning this post because I was thinking about it in the car, when listening to the radio. We tuned in to the Top 20 hits on one of the English channels (which is something really rare for my family to do, we always play our own CDs) and gained some thoughts from my burning reactions to the songs, regarding the way the music industry is (and consequently the way the world is).

After hearing a few songs (that trust me have been overplayed on the radio), I wondered why they were still there, and why there are only those same old few commercial stereotypical songs (By the time they get played on the radio every second of the day, they would have become boring and stereotypical).

So, how the radio charts aren't fair at all. Seriously the success of a singer is dictated by the big companies, who market you and make you go to the top of the charts (with a bang), becoming the only person who is listened to, and consequently a high profile character that all of that person's albums and singles will receive enough publicity for people to listen, so that as long as the songs are decent enough, they will make it to the charts, and make them popular, more famous and on and on the merry-go-round we go.

The result, talented artistes, unique singers and creative record labels can't break into the charts. To reboot my memory, I checked the 98.7 charts online, and lo and behold the only labels were Universal, Warner Music and Sony Music. The only exception being Nobody Nobody but You from the Wondergirls (I don't understand how it made it to the top 20). But you do see my point, it is a monopoly held by the few big players, and that's very upsetting. No diversity...just homogenisation, not very fun considering how much talent there is in our world!(Speaking of talent...read my next post.)

Fortunately there's the wunderkind called the internet, that levels the playing field somewhat. Singers like Marie Digby and ______ (forgot her name)first spawned hits on Youtube and the like. Well, once they gain a million or so hits, the record labels will be knocking on their doors, instead of the other way around. (The internet is shaking up the way things have been for the record companies and threatening their profits, so it's no surprise they do not welcome the internet.)

I don't like the way we are inundated with the same old songs with frustrating (for me) subject matter, no matter how talented I think that particular singer or band is, or how perfect the arrangement is, no matter how catchy the tune is, or how hot the singer is.

Thinking of U2 right now. When they first appeared in the industry, their sound was so unique, their songs cut straight to the core of issues and from the heart. Songs about apartheid, about the civil war in Ireland, about slavery, issues that the world needs to hear about. That was what U2 was, that's what made it special, That's the kind of songs we need. And more of such songs, not just from one band U2 but from groups all over the world - black skinned white skinned yellow skinned brown skinned. Not songs about how "I wear sneakers she wears miniskirts" that I inadvertently find inward looking and close to self-pity.

Don't have anything against Taylor Swift, just took an example (that I heard on the radio) that is reflective of the kind of subject matter prevalent in many songs that kids both younger and older than me are listening to everyday as a staple. I think Taylor Swift is awfully talented and that her songs are unbelievably catchy; I catch myself humming them occasionally on the MRT.

The thing is when I listen to songs about "love" and "kissing" and "boys" and "girls" and "hearts beating" "emotions running" "heads spinning" I have to keep censoring my thoughts. How romanticized things are, that feelings aren't the be all end all, focus of my life and that at the end of the day puppy love is just puppy love. "Boohoo try not to be influenced Ruth", (subtly or otherwise) I tell myself.

Or perhaps more accurately, I'm concerned over the emphasis placed on feelings, that everything is overtly emotional, or that what you FEEL is central to everything. In reality, you can't just "follow" that glorified "heart" of yours. Hmm very simple example: Mummy asks little John to pick up his toys, but little John simply does not FEEL like doing it. Whoever FEELS like doing work and studying or paying attention in Physics class? You get the drift. What you feel is not always right or true.

On the other extreme, the emphasis is overtly physical, with "apple bottomed jeans, boobs with the fur", and "hips" that "don't lie". Explicitly glorifying the physical nature of sex. Needless to say, the consequences of such actions are not considered or explored at all. Not wholesome nor healthy behaviour for anyone to learn at all.

Unfortunately, these songs hold sway over many youth all over the world. Values, thought-processes, ambitions, shaped by the songs they hear. (Actually, the entire pop culture.)

(Thinking about monopoly of food, commodities, natural resources, basically just about every other industry...and asking whether we are in a true democracy? Or rule by a group of economic and political elite that suppresses and dumbs down everyone else?)

Well this is turning out to be a long post, and I think could actually become an essay one day. Really interesting...I should find a book about it.

Wow have spent one hour on this it's 12 midnight now. So good night! (Shall post about the NEW OM problems tomorrow if there is time.)

2009-08-25T21:47:00.002+08:00

Here I am blogging while waiting for Bio stuff from Moodle to load. It's slow, especially at nights when traffic is clogged by RGS girls...

So I haven't been posting lately, because I've found the joy of writing in a tangible journal with a smooth pen and lovely straight paper. I guess there's a certain amount of censorship that goes into my blog writing, even though no one probably ever reads it.

The term's coming to an end soon, there's EOYs but somehow I always find those kind of one week exam periods more relaxing than normal school days. Maybe it's the feeling of being in control of my time, and having one thing to focus on instead of an array of distractions vying for your attention.

I terribly enjoyed last year's EOY period. Because we were in the midst of moving house I stayed at AhKu Adam and AhKim Bettina's house, I came back every afternoon to an empty house (which is actually better than it sounds) and after a little nap would start studying until 9/10 then sleep and wake up all fresh in the morning and pretty much looking forward to renew battle with the papers.

It was a pretty memorable period because I just put on my braces just before the exam week, and I suffered from ulcers and having to eat liquid foods. And amazingly I managed to focus during all the exams(:

But right now there's National Junior Robotics Competition that Ms May Tan signed us up for to gain more exposure to robotics possibly for ideas to apply in OM next year. The teacher's don't really have high hopes for us, which is half disturbing because inside they might actually be quite concerned, and of course everyone would rather win something than be humiliated by their robot that can't move.

Also envisioning for the school and board next year has been ongoing work. It's really interesting, but it never seems to be enough to get a really full picture by the end of our discussions...time flies when we talk about something we really care about.

Teachers' Day next week Tuesday(: Love all my teachers this year!

And I've finally got a Chinese tutor (since I passed Higher Chinese with distinction at PSLE, I've never got one). It's Sarah Tan's teacher, she sounds quite nice. Rite now it's Thursday nites. Gosh I'm gonna be having LONG Languagey Thursdays with German too, but at least German's coming to an end. (Aah have to write that presentation on that book that I keep postponing. Man!)

Wow this post seems to be coming along quite long. Perhaps writing in a diary with pen and paper, while allowing me to pen my deepest and more private thoughts, doesn't give me the space to just record what goes on in my daily life - the mundane, physical and temporal happenings. One day I'll read all these posts and reminisce about those simple days when I rushed from lesson to lesson. Just like how I remember playing everyday after school in Primary school with much fondness and longing now.

Oh dear and how can I forgot the great news! WE got FIRST....runners up! for RCY Current Affairs Competition! YAY!!! Alicia and Zera are great team members(: We created a gr8 video...I must get it from Zera to show off to ppl(: haha...my dad's first reaction was like, what was the prize? Yup no $1000 but we get a certificate. I'm not sure if we get a lanyard, though I must say I don't really care for all that. Working on the poster and video was fun and enjoyable, and that's what matters most of all...though this is like the icing on the cake. [I think I'm especially proud that we managed to do it through like campaigning period and all.]

Crystal wrote something about how reading emo blogs makes her feel better about her own life. But most times it makes me sad and concerned. Like Wena's blog, they joined CAC but even though she put in a lot of effort, all they got was like 2nd runners up in their district. Read disappointment and self-doubt all over the post.

I don't understand why at some things I'm better. Don't tempt fate they say. I say I don't think I care about results, or at least I don't pin all my hopes down on results. But I really don't know how I'd react if I really flunked at everything.
I hope it'd push me closer to God actually, although I don't want it to go the other way.

I don't care what people may say
I'm running after you

I do care what they say, because it shows what they think and feel, which is so important to me. But yet again, it's because I care what they say, that I ignore what they say a lot of the time and ramble and ramble on and on about fluffy things that don't matter that I hate when people talk about esp when I feel emo and looking for that something deeper. Talking about school, movies, the weather is like an escape, so that there'd be something to fill an otherwise silence. That with someone you're not close to will almost indefinitely be awkward.

Empty talk or awkward silence? Tough nut. But my life goal perhaps is so straightforward, and simple to me...and this the deepest meaning of my life, that to be so clear to me makes it seem like there's nothing else worth talking about, yet I dare not speak of this deepest meaning to anyone comfortably.

(That is not to say that all other talk is really unnecessary and useless. Just that in contrast to the bigger picture at certain times would seem quite unimportant. But of course, being humans who thrive on relationships and gaining acceptance from one another, perhaps building each other up, getting to know one another, do need communication and many of the times it is in these light-hearted moments that we do build emotional bonds and connections.)

Yet in being clear in my ultimate purpose, human beings are a complex lot, there are so many obstacles, such a long journey in our getting there. And our own personalities, choices and decisions constantly change and lengthen and make our journeys different and unique, making the road lonely yet not necessarily so.

Truly, maybe I'll start here. My life's testimony? God's redeeming grace. (Oh dear I hate it I hope that if anyone reads this post they would actually understand. I hate making things sound like intellectual mish mash that confuses rather than enlightens. Although reading all the Romantic poets have made me more appreciative of beating round the bush. As one of the quotes inkspiration put up says, "Be obscure clearly.")

I think the crux of my meaning in life is that God is there, waiting for me. So much so that he took the punishment for all the bad and hurtful things I have done and am going to do in my life - he took the punishment of death from me. That He sacrificed Himself, He gave His life in exchange for one measly rotten little insignificant undeserving life, that's reason enough for me to want to know who God is, to follow Him and become like Him. I guess that's it. And because I've got God who loves me more than anyone else could, that this is something more to my life, the happenings now don't seem to matter much else anymore.

But it's so tough to be remember that it doesn't matter when things around you seem like they matter so much, that they take up so much of your time, that all your friends, teachers & family are worried about them. Maybe I should just focus on being an obedient girl. Yes that's what I should do, no point worrying over why I should not be worrying over the things that I do. I will spend more time trying to know God, read the Bible, pray and be more conscious of this.

Seeing that it's 10.56pm, and I haven't done anything besides this blog post, I should at least go read my Bible and see what else there is to be done. Hmm those Bio stuff should be loaded by now.

Confessions of a Shopaholic

2009-08-11T21:49:00.001+08:00

Man I spent like 5 precious hours today reading that book. As Rebecca Bloomwood (I wonder how authors choose names for their characters) was agonising over all her debts and struggling to cut back on her spending (unsuccessfully with a failed curry venture and all), I was guilttripping too feeling as if I shouldn't have picked up the book. Or at least have the discipline to put it down and actually start work with my History PT.

I have no idea why chick lits are so enticing. And I utterly detest myself reading them. (I'm glad that I've only read 2-3 in my life...though I always couldn't put them down and at the end and felt guilty about reading them...like what utter trash I have filled my head with?!) Well, at least Shopaholic wasn't as trashy. I think the pretext of the story was quite interesting, and a little refreshing. A financial journalist who has financial problems herself (put herself in debt through shopping).

Rebecca's character was shallow, no actually her values and thoughts are pretty shallow. Although in the book her character is very interesting. It seems as if she has actually more to her, and certain other characters in the book (read: handsome love interest crush whatever) think that she's "financial guru meets girl-next-door, informative meets approachable, knowledgeable meets down-to-earth, intelligent meets charming meets bright..." I think it's quite funny since a lot of her thoughts are concentrated about clothes, and pushing money woes away, or how to snag a $25 million dollar weird boney guy who somehow has a crush on her.

Well I'm not sure what the message of the book is, but it did get me thinking a little at least. (I think we all see a little of ourselves in the character of Rebecca. Interestingly I could follow and relate to her resolve each time to cut back on spending or make more money, and it also was a bit of an inspiration in a funny sense. Like how ironically I'm now resolved to do my History PT even more after wasting time on the book.) I liked how the "good girl" in Rebecca came through when she gave back $5000, even when she desperately needed the money to pay off her debt. But I was quite disappointed with the end, where well to put crudely it ended with undescribed indescribable sex. What's a chick lit after all?

Yes so I came to mummy's office and listened to good ole African American Spirituals with Robert Sims and Odetta. After which I clicked on a link to the Teen Choice Awards and again went on a downward spiral to britney spears, miley cyrus and jonas brothers. Well, their all not that bad.At first I didn't like the Jonas Brothers (when I first heard of them), but I gotta give them some credit...they actually are a pretty talented band of brothers (like the jackson 5! poor michael jackson). Watched a collection of "bonus jonas" on youtube, probably painstakingly (it would have been for me) put together by a fan. There was one funny line Nick Jonas said, "We went to Florida... New Jersey...Canada... And the same people were at all of them." I found it funny, but they were quite serious about it coz they went on to say how important fans were to them.

So some indulgence in pop culture today... will have to hmm (it's quite funny how I "degrade" pop culture in my mind...something to explore for another day) Got to go now(: At mum's office

Toodles!

Ruth

Can't resist the temptation

2009-08-02T21:50:00.001+08:00

Yup to start blogging again that is. Right now blogging is much more enticing than having to start my Chinese PT research and writing. So before I get transported to the world of Chinese typewriting, here are my farewell words.

Ooh oh mummy has just walked in and fed me with yummadalicious spoonfuls of chocolate cake with a nice little glass of milk. How apt, speaking of temptations. I was like, "So unhealthy mummy!" then I took one bite and was transported to the momentary world of bliss. And took a few more forkfuls.

Okay I've succumbed and I'd better get back to hua wen.

I don't like the idea of being a banana.

Continuing on Coolness

2009-07-31T00:08:00.002+08:00

Just got the power plug in coz something just hit me as I reread the previous post. The realization that no one actually can say they know me fully. Even if I can find someone who knows all I'm involved in, they cannot possibly be there to share every experience with me.

I have a tendency to compartmentalize my life. Such that there is no one person who will know me fully, because there are so many sides of me that different people see in different situations. Then again, if there were such a person, it would be my clone. And then again my clone would probably have slightly different personality traits from me, like how twins are different in their obvious similarity.

And so following that line, the only one who can know me is myself. (Even then I can't say I know myself fully). I think now I'm getting trapped in a one-dimensional greek flow of thought. I don't feel comfortable with the idea of self-whatever. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand myself fully. And it'll be pretty meaningless if I spend my entire life finding out more about myself and then dying. [re -reading this sounds a little cynical and quite flawed.]

Anyways, in a quintessential sort of way this is how every single person is so unique. Physically different. Black White Yellow Gray Brown Short Tall Curly Fat Thin Round Oval. Personality. Outgoing Introvert Fun-loving Serious Impulsive Daring People Administrative. Different strengths different weaknesses. Different experiences. Unique circumstances. Different pairs of parents. No parents.

You know I used to think that if everyone is unique than nobody can be truly unique. [cynicism again] It's warped logic. Coz it's all a matter of perception and definition. According to the dictionary, being unique means to "be one of its kind". So actually there are 6 billion people in this world who ARE their own kind. The thing is that humans instinctively are unable to accept the possibility (and idea) that every single person in the world is inherently special and valued.

Each person is superbly different from the next one and SPECIAL. The problem with the human definition of special is that in order to be "special" we think that we have to be put above, or be better than someone else. The truth is that you don't need to be the one who wins the race (whatever psychological mental race you create) in order to be special. As a human being, you simply already are.

That doesn't mean that the "you have to accept me for who I am" attitude can be condoned (it sounds very selfish). I'm just saying that each person is unique and different. And every human being is valuable, more than valuable (why do so many of these kind of words have to have monetary connotations? even priceless is not the right word. LOVED?) But each of us have character flaws and traits that we can constantly work on in order to become better persons (or make ourselves become better persons). And to me, for the sake of other people.

Oh dear, am I starting to sound preachy? I think everything's still very patchy and I'm working things out that have been incubating in my head.

For me, it all comes back to the meaning of life. The reason for your existence.

When I see the bleak world that we live in (In Singapore we are very very very I emphasise again very sheltered and protected), through newspaper reports and articles, it is quite clear humans are destroying themselves (WHY!?!?). Our innate destructive and selfish nature that leads us to cut down the forests, burn up the trees, overfish, release CFCs, destroy our soil. I mean truly, where in all humanity can you place a hope for a better future in? (I'm not being pessimistic, just objective---look at Tragedy of the Commons we learnt in Bio today.)

Alright, being overly objective can be pessimistic. And cynical too. In actuality, seeing reports like that fires me up even more to want to do something to help the helpless people and do my part to save whoever and whatever I can. A motivation to learn as much as I can now so I can help next in the future. It is a hope that is there, knowing that whatever little I do will not be too small as long as I have touched even just one person.

I'm just wondering if people do think deeper about life and the reason you are here. It's so easy (or ironically it's so tough to and yet we keep trying) to get caught up in fun fun activities, or mundane routine, or chronicling your daily adventures, thinking about the exams, just having the buzz of daily life in your ears and the years zooming past chasing after one thing then another. Perhaps we oughta stop and think about life-why am i here? once in a while. You can never stop asking the question once you start. Though I've found my answer, often I have to go back to it and remember why, in order to live meaningfully and with direction. We still take every little step, and every little step I have to figure out if it is in the direction I know is right to go.

Keep uncovering keep searching keep persisting, and if you are truly thirsty and hungry you will find and be satisfied.

Perhaps if I feel up to it, my next post will put into words my personal answer for being here in this world. As I said I have to revisit it now and again.

Ruth

Coolness

2009-07-30T23:52:00.002+08:00

Just spent close to one hour on Facebook it's crazee and time-wasting coz I haven't done my homework today. Not that anything is due tomorrow but, as Ms Ong said today, "time is a luxury". Visited the No One Else events page on fbook, and went through all the sound bites from the album...i think it's good(: Got quite inspired listening to the songs, inspired to maybe get involved in something. And write a poem or two.

Today was a nice relaxing day at school. Lessons breezed by engagingly enough for me. During RS our batch were discussing a November OM Camp. How cool is that? Quite excited for it and hope we can bring it to fruition!

Then there was the chemistry quiz we paid $5 for that was quite easy and fun to do. Plus meeting with Ms Ong and Mr Thio after the quiz to talk about envisioning (new exciting stage too!) Was inspired again, it gave me a better picture of how to go about our envisioning.

Had reunion cum birthday celebration with my red cross korean trip mates - jia yun, beatrice (birthday girl!) shing hwee ma'am and clarence sir. They're really nice people and very different from the usual RGS crowd at school. More Singaporean, more down-to-earth, honest, generous people in a sense. Shing Hwee ma'am and Clarence sir treated us to a meal at Californian Pizza (bill came up to 90+), which is really generous considering they're actually still part time studying and working.

Computer batteries running low got to go.
But I know there are loads more I wanna write.
Well I might as well hit the sack.
So good bye and so long!

love

2009-07-25T13:04:00.002+08:00

my heart and flesh cry out for you the living God your spirit's water to my soul.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. - excerpts from 1 Corinthians 13:4-13

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. – 1 John 4:9-11

Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' – Matthew 22:37-39

i've tasted and i've seen come once again to me i will draw near to you i will draw near to you.

Blogging Bug

2009-07-19T19:50:00.002+08:00

'Tis a symptom of excess computer activity when one stops to blog.
'Tis a sad sad case that one is so bored he can only blog.
Or his eyes are so sore they can only spin lore. sometimes gore.
Or his naughty fingers too itchy they have to release their energy on a little text box.
'Tis only a musing
Not meant to be serious
But how can it be
For this a lil blog.
There is nothing more but a girl on her seat
With a little silver box perched atop
And the freedom for mischief in this little sad blog.

2009-07-18T14:43:00.003+08:00

Just reading through my blog posts yet again and I'm so glad I've got this online journal to remember so many things and recognise my thoughts and how my life's been. A lot of things you only realise on hindsight, and a lot of stuff you also forgot upon hindsight, so blogging is really good to help me process and record my thouhts.

I've got a new desire to write poems, after reading all the romantic poetry and being left in awe. Poetry contains so much emotion and meaning in such short punchy lines...I keep wanting to do that. Speking of poetry, there's this quote that was blown up real big at the Da Vinci exhibition that isn't so flattering:

“The poet ranks far below the painter in the representation of visible things, and far below the musician in that of invisible things.” Leonardo Da Vinci.

Yup the poor poet left far below...I think Da Vinci was trying to make himself feel good, since he was both a painter and musician.

I need to read more, write more and read even more. Of good stuff. "Stuff" doesn't sound very substantial though. Anyway's read like how Dr Sakhar says he spends a few hours reading everyday. He's always carrying books around. Of course we don't really have the time to do that now.

And I have set aside today to complete Bio PT I wish I could do it as quickly as I'm typing now with all the words just flowing through my fingers without me even thinking so much.

Words. I like them I just wish I could be more fluent in Chinese characters as well as English alphabets and letters. I realise how sweet it is to be able to express yourself in language. There are some things that can be expressed better in English and some in Chinese. It's just the nature of the language that it reflective of the way that society thinks. Chinese phrases are very pictorial and yet everyone understands the meaning behind it instinctively.

Yes so poetry I wonder if poets just string words together like I'm stringing this sentence together with pretty much a lot of ease.

Maybe poetry takes practice. I read of a musician whose compositions never came into acclaim until he wrote one masterpiexe that catapulted him to relative "stardom" in his time. I need to rework my memory too. I remember bits and pieces but with no hard specific evidence.

Today is Saturday and I spent my morning to afternoon with Alicia and Zera scripting our Current Affairs Competition (CAC) video. It's gonna be fun. I'm the Nigerian guy speaking gibberish.

I hope NJRC will be just as fun and that our team can come together well. The juniors seem quite good, and hopefully they aren't as bad as my imagination makes them out to be.

I'm listing my commitments again. Like I'm covering all the PTs over again in my head. Yet I'm not starting on them just yet...no sense of urgency appearing...yet.

There's a slate of white
Maybe black sometimes blue
Seldom green yet perhaps
a spatter up there would bloom soon.

In my heart in my head
Something different, nothing new
Thumping thumping on the drums
Round round all around you.

Wake up you can't tell
The difference between may and june
Yesterday tomorrow the day before
What does it matter to my now.

Fire rising high
Smoke sinking low
Where can one go
Yet all around is snow.

Stone cold.

-----

Haha nonsensical and I don't even know if it makes sense.
Go make what sense you can of it...and we'll see what interesting stuff comes out of it. I realise whatever I wrote about is trashy and I don't really feel whatever's being written.

I'm inspired to write a poem for my History PT on Sir Stamford Raffles(: That'd be more substantial than me throwing smoke bombs everywhere on paper.

Wells I'd better really start Bio!

<3Ruth

You've got a friend in Me

2009-07-17T23:44:00.003+08:00

Just read Shao's blog which is so lyrical and the language is so smooth-flowing yet sophisticated sounding. Yup and I wanna read Xinyuan's blog (with super long posts) too... gotta ask her to lemme in.

To get on with this post, I don't have any cool insights or new thoughts the past few weeks. It's kinda horrible to be living an uninspired life. But I'm excited over each new day, which brings much joy to everyday routine.

I think I'm getting task-oriented again. I think I've always been. See the lists that I make in my mind, and not recording them down on paper would make me feel so uneasy. Yes making lists gives you a feeling that you are on top of everything. But it also imprisons you in a fixed manner of working striking of one task after another.

Visited the Da Vinci exhibition at the Science Center today with History. Gleaned some interesting general knowledge about the the artist/scientist himself, the Last Supper and of course the Mona Lisa. Like how the Mona Lisa could be a female version of Da Vinci himself (the features correspond exactly to his self-portrait) or how he wrote mirror-image. Also played with some of the cool machines that Da Vinci invented, with gears, ball bearings, pulleys and the like. Loads of good ideas for OM...I think Da Vinci's a genius.

It's really interesting too, demonstrates the idea of convergence of different knowledge bases (cool terms that my mummy introduced to me). Da Vinci was never formally trained as a scientist, yet he employed the empirical method of hypotheses and observation and applied them to his artwork. He was terribly detailed, taking years to complete his artworks just to make them perfect that the most ambitious of them were all left incomplete. He learnt to be an artist, sculptor, anatomy and his inventions clearly showed his knowledge of physics. He was a musician too and tried to create new innovative instruments.

Hmm Da Vinci's really cool I realise I can use him for history pt. But I've already chosen Sir Stamford Raffles so never mind. I'll leave Da Vinci to my musings. It's a sad thing that artist's only become valuable when their dead.

The icing on today's cake - me found out that me got highest for literature last year! - and mummy said she might get me a macbook how exciting is that?

Nothing else on my mind right now... except the little throbbing of my right gum coz the orthodontist must have stuffed something between my teeth there today. Gah. And he didn't let me choose the colour of the braces...and gave me a transparent one. Man...okay maybe I'll go with simplicity and minimalism in my mouth for a month.

Toodles
Rotiprata
who is hungry now...but certainly can't eat herself
(Man how lame can i get?)

(:

2009-07-12T00:45:00.002+08:00

Was pondering the question posted on the congress forum, Why do you deserve to be the head prefect? And after starting three different replies, and still experiencing difficulty coming up with a satisfactory answer, I thought I'd come here to see who I was... perhaps I'd find an answer somewhere here.

-------------

I haven't blogged in quite some time, since the school holiday began, which is kinda funny cause there would have been much more time then. And now at 12pm, time I should be in bed, I'm starting a new post. A pretty ambitious post coz I'll have to cover pretty much an entire month. An entire month characterized by:

- Head Prefect Campaign
- Current Affairs Competition
- Social Studies PT and
- A lot of unnecessary worrying

Of course there's a lot more, like the briefing (or Challenge Announcement) I attended today for the National Junior Robotics Competition. We sorta gained free entry to the Da Vinci exhibition cause the briefing hall was within the exhibition hall. It's a pity I had to rush off for swimming lesson immediately after and couldn't view the exhibit. (Still, Mr Ganesh said they're trying to plan an excursion for us there... crossing fingers.)

And besides SS there's German, Chinese and Biology. But SS was the one I was getting worried all over, what with missing the 6th June dateline Mr Chew had set for us sending our proposed topic, and not even choosing a topic until the week the exec summary was due. Glad it turned all right in the end, with an awesome cause and executive summary! [reminding me I have a speech tonight... looks like I'm in for more 3am mornings]

God is good all the time. He put a song of faith in this heart of mine. God is good all the time. Through the darkest night, His light will shine. God is good, God is good, ALL THE TIME! Though I'm working [oh dear it should read "walking", perhaps it's a subconscious message of mine!] through the valley and there are shadows all around, Do not fear, He will guide you He will keep you safe and sound ... ...

Attended the prayer meeting at Dr Sam's home for the first time in years (probably 3), and his neighborhood has been revamped. I was preparing for a climb up the stairs (as I remembered it) but lo and behold, the lift was visiting every floor! They even had an exercise corner and table tennis table built into the void deck. Still, some things never change, and I found myself struggling to keep awake (and Jeremiah fell asleep).

Hmm... suddenly realising that I have actually a lot to do right now. Like catching up on German work. And my mini food review paragraph. And chinese newspaper report. Plus Biology research for PT. And Mathematics Assignment. Oh dear. I didn't realise how much I had on my hands. Been lulled into a sense of relaxation. Because Head Prefect Campaigning ended on Friday. Well, I still have some stickers on my hand and I will have to give them out on Monday (but somehow feeling less pressure this time)

Yesh I don't think this post is as long as I thought it would be. My mind is systematically shutting down and if I go on anymore I might start typing nonsense. like busuhduhfgyei. I hope to have something more substantial the next time I post (:

<3Ruth

星期天早上

2009-05-17T08:49:00.002+08:00

这是是我第一次在网上用华语。而我发现自己不知blog的华文翻译。这个星期天早上我要到教堂走了。昨天的事呢，现在就告诉你们。我决定利用这次的假期把华语程度提高，而昨天妈妈给我买了一本华文书。今天还要写作文。哦哦，我快迟到了。你们认为我第一用华文怎样呢？谢谢。黄友亲（：

Blooper

2009-05-01T13:37:00.002+08:00

Poof the worst state to be in is knowing I'm supposed to be doing something but not wanting to do it. In other words being forced to do something that you don't want to do. And in this case half of myself not wanting to do what the responsible and rational side of me is telling me to do. What I'm supposed to be doing now? Studying for Chemistry, Social Studies, Philosophy and Literature.

You know just the entire day today is not going to be enough, and seeing that we're going for dinner tonight and I've got a newspaper collection drive tomorrow, it's just not the time to be slacking off like that. Ah wells, the tyranny of schooling. My bro's out at a party today, and seems to be out every other day. Not that I want to have a great social life, but just illustrating how different the International school system in Singapore is from public schooling.

Hmm this post is beginning to sound like I'm blabbering.

I actually kinda like exam periods. Everything else comes to a stop and you can focus on one thing. I think that's what I'm lacking, focus. Like Mrs Hoo's peacock feather thing during assembly talk. So focus is all it takes to balance it on one finger. But, what if you're holding many peacock feathers?

Well, I guess that's when we prioritize and choose the most important one. I'm glad I know who I want to be number one in my life, but it's kinda hard putting it into actual practice.

I haven't been reflecting a lot lately. And without metacognition we don't really absorb what we are learning. During the HP/EXCO interview yesterday Ms Ong asked me how I think I have grown and developed in PB. What have I learnt, actually? I was stuck. I couldn't remember anything. The implication is that if I don't know what I have learnt, how am I to consciously apply whatever skills I have to my other and future endeavors?

It's like the leadership learning cycle that was introduced to us during GM. First we are in total ignorance of what we do not know. Then we realise that there is this thing that we are ignorant of, which brings us out of our total ignorance. Next we try to know more about this thing, and after constant conscious application, this thing will finally come naturally to us in whatever we do.

This contrasts with the philosophical line of thought that Lydia brought up during RALA class, a paradox that the harder you try to be like someone/thing, the more you are not it. Applies to the creature trying to be human but tragically failing at it.

I'm being incoherent and not linking my points at all. Just feel like talking about American Idol. I love it!!! This season's batch of contestants are so talented I love them all! But somehow I have a personal preference for Danny. It's kinda irrational. A lot of things we humans do are irrational. Well I don't know I just watched (and heard) one of his performances and took to him immediately. I think I remembered his spectacles the most, then one episode he took of those glasses and gosh he's just got lovely eyes.

Always thought Adam was going to win but i think the competition's much more open now that he was in the bottom two this week. And Kris is a dark horse...coz maybe all the girls who voted for Matt will vote for him now. (Hasty generalization here... well maybe just pure speculation.) He never seemed that outstanding to me yet managed to put in such creative and good performances every week. I think it's really sweet that he's happily married and misses his wife while in the Idol lodge. Oh yup I'm sure all the grannies will love him too.

And i think i've been made a fan of Jamie Foxx. He's such a talented artist and as a mentor brought out such great performances from the top 5 this week. Super looking forward to next week's rock themed performances. And all those blabberings above show why American Idol is the only TV programme I follow religiously. (The busy school life has prevented me from following the EPL games.)

Woah this is a pretty long post already and there's still a lot more to talk about. Like my German class. I'm so glad I continue to enjoy it. And I lament that recently I have lost that fun sort of interest in my other subjects. Perhaps it's the expectation to do well for them that takes the joy out of learning. Yup and reminds me of a period where I felt that OM was a chore. Now that the swine flu thing is probably robbing us of our trip to Worlds in Iowa...I'm appreciating OM more. And liking pigs less.

Yup and that's an irrational disdain for pigs that's unfounded since it is the actions of us humans that's the cause of mutating viruses and new diseases, inflicting harm upon ourselves. Like the "economic hit man", why is it we forsake the environment, and even for the welfare of fellow human beings for the pursuit of power and money? If you haven't you should read the book. It's a real eye-opener into the way politics and economics are run in the world today.

Link link link link link. Everything's related to everything else. Cause and effect. Action reaction. Our world is like a giant web. It'll be impossible to organise and comprehend everything. Goes to show that there are so many possibilities in the world for us for everyone. I think it's truly sad when we become like puppets though, living life simply reacting to what happens to you. Going to school, clocking in time at work day in day out with no purpose is such an inhuman robotic and sad life. Having no will at all is certainly worse than having to do something against your will. At least you have your will.

I see the title of this post and now have to link it to what I'm writing.

I guess even if I make loads of bloopers in my life (like not studying for the upcoming exams) my life's not a blooper at all(:
It pays to have a little self-confidence.

Tata,
Ruth

Taking a Break

2009-04-05T22:32:00.002+08:00

Boohoo...my mind's not working very well after figuring out who to nominate for HP/EXCO. Still haven't finished the reasons for nomination though. And I just realised that I haven't finished the comments for fellow yearmates and I'm way past the dateline. Gee. I think I'm quite inefficient. All I feel like doing right now is reading a good book and listening to music.

And then there's yu wen lian xi. At least I'm feeling quite well-rested after church in the morning and a little afternoon nap. I don't feel like sleeping now. Speaking of church, I feel so much refreshed after the service. Especially since OM, no matter how much I love and enjoy it, has been sucking the life out of me for the past few weeks (and prevented me from finishing my Lit readings).

Now I'm facing the new week with newfound enthusiasm. We prayed for that our eyes may be open today that we may see that "the fields are ripe for harvest". Friday is Good Friday and Sunday is Easter Sunday. Today is Palm Sunday. What a great story of victory! We really need to share the good news of the Gospel. During service we also prayed for God to pour out love into our hearts that we may be compelled to move out of love for others and not any other selfish reason.

I'll be spending more time in prayer and worship and bible reading this week. Yeah!

Well I'd better get back to what I'm supposed to be doing.
Hopefully I won't sleep beyond 12 tonight(:

<3Ruth

Pride

2009-02-14T16:12:00.003+08:00

I've started thinking about this because of two things that happened recently.

Firstly was the thoughts I had from an article someone wrote in to TODAY. He shared an incident on the road that left an indelible impression on him.

When his car came to a sudden brake, the truck behind him knocked into his bumper. Preparing himself for a torrent of scoldings, he got out of the car. Yet to his great surprise, the driver of the truck was more concerned over his welfare, and even offered to pay for the car to be repaired, later giving the writer a lift home. On the way, this man found out that the truck driver was a vegetable delivery man. He wondered how he could afford the damages, and all the delivery man said that since it was his fault, he was going to have to pay for it with his bonus.

The person who wrote in was deeply moved by how this man stuck to his moral principles, and who instead of being selfish was concerned for others, even though he might not be so well off himself.

Reading the article, I was deeply touched by the responsibility that this man took for his actions, and kind-heartedness as well. I felt that here was someone I could learn from. He was willing to take the blame and pay for it (it was certainly a high price to pay and such a big sacrifice on his part)

I think it took away some of my pride as well, because we can learn from everyone and anyone. I think that I tend to look down on people less educated and in a not so good job, and it stems from my wanting to feel special and superior. It is so horrible when I know I should be loving these people. I mean, God loves me as if I were the only one he loves, and Jesus would have died for me even if I were the only one needing salvation. Why do I need to compare myself to other people to feel good about myself (and when I do to feel even worse other times)? I don't. I should be the one helping to lift the spirits of others.

I can learn humility from this simple vegetable delivery man. He was humble enough to take the blame and make up for it. Sometimes, I must be humble enough to accept some things and not be too rebellious in school.

The other thing was Victoria's School Investiture that I attended yesterday. It was a very humbling experience for me as. I realised that I possessed this bad pride - arrogance. I was prideful of RGS being the best school, and had a prejudice against all other schools, that they were all inferior to us.

The investiture brought me back down to earth. In a video clip that was played, the student leaders of the school shared their thoughts about leadership. I was humbled by the sincerity and passion that these pupils really had in their leadership. Many of their thoughts were so insightful, in the way they put it so simply, like "leadership is to serve", "leadership by example". They were so grateful for their leadership positions, and treated it like a privilege.

I think a lot of what they said about leadership is head knowledge that I have already. The difference was that I could feel that these student leaders truly meant what they said and were trying to be a good role model and live their lives the best way they could.

Many times when I hear people talk about leadership I am skeptical, yet this time I was so humbled because I realised how much these people felt about their duties, versus how I take my role as a prefect rather clinically at times. Sometimes it even seems like a burden, yet now I see how it is something I do not really deserve, and hence in my gratitude I should be doing the best I can.

I think I can say as much as I want, but what really matters is my actions. My thoughts and convictions should translate to manifestations in my daily life.

-----------------

Random thoughts:
Take pride in being an RGS girl. What is there to be proud of? Our 130 year legacy? Is RGS a proud school? Where is the basis of our pride? A lot of what we do is to keep face.

-----------------

More random thots:

When we take pride in our work, it means we do our work to the best of our ability. The phrase "take pride" means to "feel proud of". I think that when we do our work well, we will naturally feel that sense of pride, a feeling of achievement.

However, I think that this shouldn't be the primary reason as to why we do our work well. If I do my work only to show off and feel good about it, then I will soon be demoralised and give up when it comes to something that I cannot grasp. How then can I take pride in work that no matter how hard I try cannot be proud of?

Maybe it means taking pride in the way we work. However it is still very difficult to feel proud that I did my best, when the marks clearly show that I am doing very badly.

(There are some more thoughts along this argument that I want to add, but I am getting impatient with my mind trying to sort out the thoughts)So continuing...

I think we should do our work out of simple conscientiousness. Someone is spending precious time to teach you, the way to help them and support them is of course not to cause trouble for them. It is only right to reciprocate by investing time into work as well.

------------

Random tots(:

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!

<3Ruth

Random

2009-02-08T20:56:00.002+08:00

Aah...I have no idea what to blog about. Of course, how school has been so far. I think school has been pretty kind to me(: actually really really great!!! I thank God for being so good.

I love all the teachers I have this year. And I've been enjoying my lessons. I think choosing my subject combination of bio chem his lit has been really suitable. It's quite humanities based counting we have stuff like social studies and philosophy as well. And quite a bit of languages too, with Chinese and English and German (on Thursdays).

I think I'm into the mode of "counting my blessing" now. And the words of this hymn hold very true:

Count your blessings name them one by one
Count your blessings see what God has done
Count your blessings name them one by one
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done(:

On Friday, we had a Fedele batch talk, and shared our thoughts of how the transition from PIT to Prefect has been. I realised that I was not feeling the heat as much. Perhaps because compared to now, last year I was busy with Footdrill and OM at the same time, which became very hectic.

I think it's all God's timing, and now I see how God placed our parents there for a reason. Because I obeyed my Mum's word not to do Footdrill again in case of hurting my spine, I'm feeling not so busy and stressed, but relatively relaxed. It'd probably be good for my future well-being in terms of my back too. ("Honour your father and your mother and you will live long upon the land that the Lord your God has given you" Exodus 20:12)

And speaking of which, mummy signing us up for swim classes has been a good thing also. Even though I lament the loss of time, I think that when I'm swimming I'm able to forget about school stresses and simply focus on reaching the wall and doing the proper strokes. (And according to Mum, give me nice shoulders and straighten out my spine.)

At Prayer and Power Night this Friday, I shared with Susanna about how much fun I was finding school and also about how I was not feeling as stressed. She in turn related how at January's PnP I was worrying over whether I'll be too busy or stressed in the new year. It really is such a blessing to have been poured over me.

I also learned about how important Prayer is, so I've decided to really commit to quiet time every single day. But it's impossible for me to do it on my own, so I'll pray about being able to consecrate the time everyday to read my Bible and pray. And I'll follow what Ps David said this morning: If you are too busy to pray, you are TOO BUSY.

Oh yes I've been rambling on and on and on. The reason I've not been blogging is cause the computer broke down, and now is one of those rare moments I've gotten my hands on mum's mac at home. I think it has been a blessing in disguise, cause not doodling on the computer has saved me a lot of time. Today is anecdotal evidece how time-guzzling the computer is. I've been on the com since 6 and not done anything substantial. (Besides this blog post, I've only checked my emails and toyed around with facebook...and checked out flowers on fareastflora, which is not the point...)

Okies, I've gotta get back to the work I'm actually meant to be doing now, my History and Social Studies essays.

So, toodles(:
Ruth

Christmas!

2008-12-25T00:06:00.002+08:00

It's 12 midnight and it's Christmas! We're going to Malaysia in the morning. I'm still not asleep coz when I was going to I realised I forgot to do our OM minutes. So here I am, thinking of Christmas.

It's sweet to know that Christmas is all about giving, not receiving. But I think the same message has been projected over and over that now it is starting to seem a little cheesy to me.

Shirlyn just sms-ed saying that "It's [Christmas] the birthday of our saviour!" It truly serves as a reminder of God's great love for all of us that he sent his son down to earth. (John3:16) and that in the end Jesus had to die on the cross to pay for all our SINS. Christmas is a time of thanks-giving! To thank God for loving us so so much.

At the same time, I wanna give thanks to God for the wonderful year that has passed, with all the ups and downs. For being with me throughout the year. For all the precious people that have come into my life. So many many many of them. If anyone reads this, please know that I love you:

- My family (yes even my naughty brothers)

- All my yearmates (Audrey, Sara, Sandra, Carey, Peilin, Vanessa, Verna, Sindhu, Claire, Mala, Ying Xin, Shirlyn, Lingzhi, Alicia, Si Ying, Crystal...yay I rmb all of you(:)

- All my classmates

- All my PB-mates, especially every Fedelean

- My OM team this year (Jinni, Rachael, Cheryl, Etinne, Hui Jie, Ying Xin)

- My teachers (hmm...a bit tough though. let's just say I try)

- My cellmates (let's test my name knowledge here: Adora, Shermine, Joong Yan, Elizabeth, Abigail, Janice, Nicole, Celine.)

And God loves all of you even more! More than anybody could ever love anyone. Even more than how much our parents love us.

I believe that " 'tis the season to be loving!" (for in expression of our love will we be 'giving' and naturally we'll be 'merry')

<3>

Everything else

2008-12-19T21:59:00.002+08:00

Yay! Finally no weird alien text. I wanted to post on the end of UIP long time ago, but ended up today. I've already writen down most of my thoughts about it in my diary. It was a great experience and I learnt a lot. UIP was meaningful. It was tiring physically, yet recharged me mentally and psychologically for the rest of this holiday. It provided a confidence boost and a motivator for me to do my bestest the rest of my life. (Okay maybe not so kua zhang)

Even better was RHEMA on Wednesday. I missed the first two days though. Yet, even though I only attended on one day, it was such a powerful experience. It redirected my focus back to God and renewed my energy for the next year. An example was how when I first got the class postings, I was not keen and even a little pessemistic about it. Now, I can't wait to start school and get to know my new classmates!

And today was Reporting Day. YAY! The I/Cs did a GR8 job. It felt really smooth flowing and organised, even for the MUBBERS (Morning Uniform Booth). It's so cool to see all the new secondary ones. Gosh, it seems such a long time ago when I was that age and so excited to come to RGS. Don't get me wrong. I'm now even more fired up for RG! There's 2 years left for us.

Oh, me and Lavinya met this really funny parent while doing Rafflesian Product Sales. We were trying to sell either the pullover or windbreaker to him, and I was trying to help him make a decision by giving him a rundown of their characteristics.

Then he interrupted me saying, "NO. That's not the way to do it. What's your name?...Ruth? Yes, Ruth you cannot sell one or the other. You must sell BOTH!!! See in the classroom when it is cold you must wear the pullover. Then when you go outside, you must wear the windbreaker to protect the pullover fomr the rain." Err...I kept smiling but was going to burst out in amused laughter soon. He went on...

"Do you know why I want to know your name? Because when I was small I wanted all my teachers to know my name, so now I'm doing the same." Oh gosh, just thinking about it brings the laughter back. His wife was standing there and telling us, "Oh don't listen to him, he's just crapping." And his daughter was standing there looking so embarrassed. Poor girl.

Later me and Lavinya caught him at the popular bookshop and went to ask if he actually bought anything. He hadn't! Then I tried throwing a "sales pitch" at him, complete with special "discounts" and "packages". Haha, then he said he'll go take a look at the booths.

We're like okay, then he suddenly swirls around all of a sudden and exclaims, "NO!!! Ruth. You cannot let the customer walk off like that, you must say, 'Come, I'll bring you there.' " Haiz, alright then. His wife pulled him away together with the daughter and we said goodbye. And as soon as they were out of view, we burst out into laughter.

In the end, he didn't buy anything. But at least I got my share of humour for the day, and a little lesson in sales-pitching.

Yup, that's my little story for today. Hope there's more to come on CCAO!!!

<3ruth

UIP Again

2008-12-06T20:55:00.003+08:00

Just so you know, I'm sending this via email because when I types in Blogger, it turned up in some funny Tamil like font.

Anyways, continuing to the subject of today(: Da UNIT INSTRUCTOR'S PROGRAMME! One of the funny things was my weird mood swings. I was feeling kinda apprehensive in the morning, and even a bit nauseous in Sandra's Mum's car. Fortunately I brightened up as the day wore on, but I became tired again at the end of the day.

Only 5 people turned up for DREAM squad. But it was quite cool having a smaller group. We get to know each other better.

I have to write about these two bloopers I made in the morning, out of my unalertness. I was the flag-bearer in the morning...but I saluted at the wrong time. Gah! Fortunately both Alvin Sir and Qiu Yu Sir gave me instructions. The bigger one was during UI and I checked a boy's uniform. A BOY'S UNIFORM!!! And I didn't even know how the male uniform is supposed to be like. So...for lack of better word...stupid.

At least the VIs didn't switch our presentations around, and I think I did my lesson quite comfortably.

Learning points. (Which I brought up when Qi Jun sir conducted mini-interview) I think I gotta push myself harder and not be afraid to take initiative. Keep the standard up all the time, and not slacken down.

So far, UIP's a pretty cool experience. But it is kinda different from the "sisterhood" we share in the PB.

Yay! I hope someone reads this: RGSRCY Footdrill Competition 2009 ROCKS!!! You guys are gonna WIN!!! Go Ma'ams! Go Yearmates! Go Juniors!

<3 Ruth

After PIT Camp

2008-12-04T12:51:00.003+08:00

PIT Camp...I love it. I'm glad for all the song and cheer sessions and lessons and meals and night walk and batch talk that we spent together as a board. It really provides so much enjoyment and togetherness. Yup, and it also added to my thinking about next year.

I'm waiting for 2009 in anticipation, partly out of excitement, and another part out of nerves. And the irony is, at the same time, I'm afraid that this holiday will end too quickly before I get to relax. It's quite crazy isn't it.

I guess I'm afraid that I won't spend my time well and end up not doing things that I want to do. And most importantly, not be rested enough for next year. I've kinda already wasted half a holiday and I can already feel the pressures of next year. (okay, maybe it's just coz I haven't completed the UIP FD lesson plan and I'm feeling stressed)

I think I need to sort out these thoughts. I still haven't started really doing quiet time. It's not a must do, compulsory sort of thing, really, but I know it's the way to grow and be closer to God.

Well, at least I have 4 more weeks to figure this out and be ready for the next year. Get ready to catch the rejuvenated, revitalised, refreshed, ready to run, re-charged, and really relaxed Ruth in action!(:

Linking stuff

2008-11-26T22:15:00.003+08:00

Well, today I went blog surfing to get all da blogs of my classmates in 110 and 211 and my fellow Fedeleans. And the links in my links page are the fruits of my labour(:

Well, I'm still missing my Yearmates blogs and I will add them the next time I am free. Given the luxury of time we have during the holidays.

But looking through some of the blogs, I found that words are very important. I found myself quite affected by blog rantings, feeling upset just like the authors were, even if I didn't want to. This reminds me of what Ms Lim said in RGPS, "Words are like toothpaste, once you squeeze them out they can't be taken back." That's really true. I doubly resolve to type good and uplifting things in my blog.

Anyways, tomorrow is PIT Camp and I am looking forward to it(:

<3Ruth

RGS-RI Heritage Trail

2008-11-25T20:19:00.002+08:00

Shan't post much about the trail. As usual it was RGS taking the lead(: And of course all the so called "awkward" stuff in holding hands, taking couple photos and what not. Ying Xin and I decided that next year we will make the trail really fun and exciting and DIFFERENT. The only thing missing is exactly what.

This being a holiday, I think I should be taking the time to do more holiday-like stuff. I was thinking I got to go to the museum or a nice park. I love parks. There is this tranquility about it, especially in the morning. Where we can feel close to God's creation and feel at ease to reflect.

Why boys have nothing better to do

2008-11-24T17:45:00.003+08:00

Something horribly sick happened to me today. I know my brother will laugh at me,as usual. But I just don't understand.

I was innocently walking back home from the bus stop when suddenly two boys came cycling past me, and soon enough, I heard two "puis". When they went round the bend, I felt a slimy wet substance crawling down my neck. What could it be, but spit.

Well, I was too stunned to shout or even say anything. But of course my mind was ticking away in anger at something as incredulous as that.

Then, I thought of what Jesus experienced. He was spit at by the people and mocked by the soldiers and tortured on the crucifix. How much more then was His suffering on the cross for us. Jesus could have chosen not to die for us on the cross for our sins, to suffer all the humiliation that he did not deserve in the first place (why, Jesus should have been glorified and praised). And He went through all that just because He loved us and sacrificed Himself so that we might be forgiven and have eternal life.

It's really amazing, yet so true. It's hard to believe at first, yet once you do it's impossible to doubt.

Compared to that, what I experienced was nothing. But still, since the title is "Why boys have nothing better to do", I shall continue to describe my experiences back home with two boys who are running amock this holiday. Right now they are howling like chimpanzees (although chimps don't howl) into my dad's hand phone. (And it's midnight)

And this afternoon, they were in the bedroom play fighting. And Jeremiah pulled the plug off the computer while I was using it. And playing soccer outside the house when mummy said that couldn't.

Well, actually, now what they do doesn't seem that bad. They're just boys who seriously cannot think of anything to do with so much time on their hands, and there fore simply do not have anything better to do. I guess they actually are quite kind-hearted.

As for those two hooligans who displayed utterly unacceptable behaviour, I just got to say that I'm not going to be the one affected, and I hope that they'll change before the inevitable catches up with them.

Da Economic Crisis

2008-11-23T21:27:00.003+08:00

I just thot I'll post this up for all those people out there who wonder why we are heading into an economic recession. I think this video explains a lot. The main point is that so far our economy has been DEBT BASED. For example, A borrows from B who borrows from C who actually has no money. And all of them have no money to repay the debt. This means that we are using money that actually does not exist. And one day or another this debt will have to be repaid, and when the time comes and we cannot pay, that's when the crisis comes.

Besides that, there are many many other interesting points to be gleaned from this video. It is from Supernatural TV, that is hosted by Sid Roth. The interviewee here is Larry Bates. Hope you'll take a look and come away with greater understanding.

Sorry I couldn't post the actual video on my blog, but here's the link. Click here

UIP

2008-11-22T22:35:00.002+08:00

Today, we (Sandra, Sara and I) basically spent 8.30am-6pm at the Red Cross Campsite, which was the second contact session, but the first we have attended because T-camp clashed with the first one two weeks ago.

Anyways, I decided to write about it here to help me with my reflections, which according to Qi Jun sir (hope I spelled it right, first time I heard I thought it was Yi Jun...who is one of my juniors...who is a girl), according to Confucius is the noblest form of learning out of imitation and experience (which are easiest and hardest). Well, here's the actual version (which actually isn't cause it got translated from Chinese): "By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest."

That is not to say that we only need to reflect, because if we have no experience, we will have nothing to reflect about, and had we not imitated, we would not have known how to make of the experience.

Anyways, I have a foreboding that this post is going to be a long one. So don't blame me if you actually really fell asleep halfway. Now that you've read this disclaimer, I can proceed.

Some questions that Qi Jun sir brought up also during a little commercial break: What is discipline? (what we do when nobody is watching) How does Footdrill improve our discipline? Why do we have water parade? I guess it is good to reflect on why we do stuff. It's pretty easy to think of straight forward answers to these specific questions. I wonder if people think about why they are here, on earth, alive, in the first place.

Like I'm in UIP because I want to learn how to better instruct my future juniors in the unit. I hope they will learn respect, not only for us but also for themselves. The way they are now is for loss of a better word...pathetic. They don't seem to have respect for one another. It's pathetic because they are actually not. They clearly have all the potential, but they're holding themselves back...pushing themselves down. I would GLADLY LOVE THEM TO BECOME BETTER THAN US. I hope they can. I wish I could say I know they would.

Hopefully they can not only meet but surpass our expectations. I really didn't think much about the UIP motto, but I see how it relates in this context, for we are "to Instruct and to Inspire" our cadets.

Well, here's an irony. I'm doing UIP but I'm not in FDComp09. Because Footdrill is bad for my back.

Okay, let's continue. Learning lesson plans and executing them was interesting, however a little weird. Because we were teaching them to people who already knew the commands, who were at the same time supposed to purposely make mistakes. Ah wells, there's only so much we can do.

Something that I thought was rather amusing then but I ain't laughing now is how during reporting there was such a clear hierachy. The contingent commanders reported to the overall I/C who in turn reported to the PWO who in turn reported to someone else (I don't know the official name...perhaps I'll find out when I read the handbook). When we were singing the Red Cross Song I found myself looking at the row of four people, feeling pretty funny inside.

Of course, this is the UG style, and I have to get used to it. I realised that it was in Red Cross that I have learned how to switch modes from serious to happy, and all. I think something else that adds dimension is how my Red Cross leadership experience contrasts to how the RGS Prefectorial Board is like.

As an instructor in HQ we must have
Confidence
Observe
Master Footdrill
Moderate
Authority
Natural
Direct

Here, the responsibility totally lies on the instructor. The responsibility to look after the squad, for its safety and well-being, its progress. We must be held accountable for them. To ensure that they improve, we must be firm, and not lax (being too positive as they call it).

Talking to Sandra and Sara after the session, we said something about our Year's characteristic as trying to phrase our words nicely. Sometimes, we need to get to the point and give people the bang they need on their heads.

Anyways, some points on discipline we had to take note of, mentioned during debrief by Alvin Sir: Punctuality, Appearance (eg. Hair, Uniform), Greeting VIs, Singing of Red Cross song. Basically DISCIPLINE was the crux of the matter.

I forgot to add, Sandra received a special encouragement card for being so good this session. For being so organised and calm in the midst of the mess, and for taking so much initiative. Bravo Sandra. Keep going(:

Finally, my eyelids cannot keep open anymore. And I'm sure this has been my longest post ever. I wonder if even I myself will have the patience to read this again in the future. Far far away into the future.

Will all these little things matter then?

Wassup!!!

2008-11-19T20:29:00.003+08:00

I'm pretty happy now, languishing in my new room. The one my family now stakes out coz it's the only neat one. The first room to get done in the house. I'm pretty satisfied, I couldn't stop grinning when we finished unpacking everything, and I laid down on MY bed in MY room looking at MY cupboards for the FIRST TIME EVER and feeling so thankful.

Well, now there's no reason for me not to do my quiet time cause now I have my own little sanctuary to sit in peace and just linger in God's presence. I've come up with this plan for next year, to sleep really early by 9pm, and to wake up really early to finish everything at 3am. Because that period is when you get the most out of your sleep. Since I have so few hours to sleep, why not make the best of it?

I thought my hols would be really busy, but I find that spending two days at home just packing my new room, and a few hours after that just resting leaves me needing more excitement in school. I realised that RGS girls are workaholics, after blog-surfing for the first time ever. We just can't sit down and relax for long periods of time.

I found some blogs that are nice to read. They are Joanne's, Cheng Jing + Sherry's and most importantly Laura's. I know it can be a waste of time just reading blogs, but it's the hols so. But something I'm horribly guilty of is handing up my Training Camp report up so late cause I got distracted by blogs. GAH.

I found other people don't write as much as me. It gets boring actually.

So sorry for all the boring posts!

<3>

Looking Back

2008-11-13T10:16:00.003+08:00

Now we are officially into the first week of the school holidays (which is busy as ever), and that really means that the 2008 academic school year is over. And in between, there are so many activites that happened that I wanted to blog about but didn't. Now I cannot really remember them.

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I know that there was the Footdrill Gold Accreditations, which gave me many lessons. I was re-accredited 3 times for commanding. Before the last and third time, Hady sir gave us a little pep talk. He asked why we were there in the first place? If we were there, we should be doing a good job. And finally, that as a commander, not only do we need the knowledge, we also need the confidence.

I guess that inspired me, and during that third time, I told myself that I knew all the commands, there was no reason for me to feel nervous or get them wrong. And like in those primary school compositions, I "gathered up what little courage I had inside", and proceeded to command like a commander.

Going in, I did not have a good attitude, I just wanted to get over and done with it. It was already a "defeated" attitude. I should have gone in wanting to do my best and proving that I can do this.

On a lighter note, because of standing under the sun that whole day, I've got a tan line on my forehead from the beret, and a white butterfly (from my spectacles) on my nose.

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Then there is Formal Farewell, then Confirmations, then Informal Farewell for the Prefectorial Board. I was emceeing for Formal Farewell together with Lynn, and together we made boo boos. But it was all memorable, and all of us (Fedele) really did a great job. I absolutely loved the decoration, so bright and cheery! The Secondary 4s are going away, and while it can be sad, it should also be a "celebration", as Mrs Hoo said.

Confirmations gave us time to think about the next year too. PB is truly a family that I will belong to forever.

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I'm not exactly writing in chronological order, but there was also the Red Cross Training Camp. Fortunately we are writing reflections for that one, so I will have a record of that too. It's a pity I only attended the first day. Whatever it is, I hope that the standard our juniors have will be raised. I'll try to change my perspective of them. They're actually not bad, as Mr Lim said.

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So many things have happened, so many things are going to happen. We surely cannot remember every one of them when we grow older. But what's important are the people around us. I fully take in the advice that my buddy Wei Shan gives when she says, "A long time later, it's not the achievements you've made / proposals you've written that will be remembered by others, but you as a person."

I really hope that I can be a good girl next year, remember my purpose through the busyness and really be a light that shines.

After EYAs

2008-10-25T11:47:00.004+08:00

Well, since my previous post since dunno when was after the MYAs, it's suitable that this one should be after the EYAs. I think what I'll write about today would be my prospects for next year.

Speaking of prospects, those classics...like the ones by Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters, just sprung to mind. (like "Marriage prospects"). This is quite random, but I really really admire the way they write. They are able to capture a person, and describe their characteristics and personality just like it is real. I don't think I'll ever be able to study fellow human beings and write like them.

Getting back to next year...I figured I could be really busy or not. More precisely, I could be super busy or just busy. It all depends on what I get into this year. One thing I'm really glad for is that third lang lessons at Bishan would only be held once a week, that frees up a lot of time (probably for other activities to cloud over. argh!)

Then there's my lovely CCA, Red Cross, that'll take up a lot more time for me than this year. I wonder what I'm going to have to do for the new subject of Outdoor Activities. Whatever it is, I hope we can make it great, I'm terribly interested in setting up tents, outdoor cooking, setting up campfires and the like. Besides being the newest first-ever OA A/IC in RGS, I have to make a decision whether I should join FDCompetition2009. Plus as a year we will have to organise ECamp.

And here are some unconfirmed commitments that I may have. Whether I would be a prefect (I really want to of course, but there's confirmations)? Would I get into a Raffles Academy for either History or Language Arts, or both? How about Odyssey of the Mind? If I don't get these three, I'll be relatively free...so that's how my circumstances for next year could swing from being simply busy to super ultra drowning busy.

Another important thing at this moment of my secondary school life would be my subject combination, which I have already chosen to be Biology, Chemistry, History and Literature. I was contemplating whether to do Physics in place of Biology or Geography in place of History...but I have already decided and handed up my form.

This school term has not ended yet, and I'm already thinking about next year, with mixed anticipation. There are already things to do for the now...like completing my HSSRP Proposal, my OM auditions proposal, our class' Drama Nite Production, Netball Carnival, FD Gold Accreds, Training Camp, PB Community Outreach.

I wonder how other people remember their life's purpose in this hive of activity.

I'm so grateful that I know what my purpose in life is. But so often I forget about it when going about my daily activities.

Time flies. My blog filled with cobwebs gives testament to this. Wonder about how you are spending this limited and precious time on earth. [Soon enough we'll all be white-haired elderly ladies with crooked backs. Soon enough we'll all die.]

I hope you ponder upon this question...Why on earth am I here [on earth]?

Love,

Ruth

P.S. I'd love to know your thoughts...please email me or post them here (:

POPPing!!!

2008-08-30T12:50:00.002+08:00

POP Parade has just ended. Checking my blog that's "full of cobwebs", so yes for dear Verna and Annabelle who have so kindly been reading the same lines from my blogs, hope this brings a breath of fresh air(:

Anyways...i'm really thankful for God's grace. I came out to the bus stop at 6.40 when we had to be in school at 7.00 and the electronic system said 10 more min. But guess what...bus 190 came just 3min after.

Wasted 2.40 on my coke bottle!!! From a petrol station. Must be

[I have decided to post this draft...even if it may not be complete]

School life's coming all back to me...

2008-05-09T22:03:00.002+08:00

Goodness gracious! One thing I learned is how time truly flies. Today was the first time we returned to school after the MYAs and all of a sudden OM came crashing through the window. But we're sure going to work so hard to cruise into Maryland.

For now, priority is on the Geography PT. I tried to start this evening but kept procrastinating. Haven't done anything productive as yet. Open house is another big event coming up, gotta rearrange all the timings.

It's quite satisfying to be able to do so many things at once. (Hee...going to do lit booth with Claw dressing up as Koro and Nanny from the Whale Rider!) And "perform" and display our spontaneous skills in front of adults and little kiddies (Heh...heh....something I have very little confidence in myself for. But we are in it as a team, and it's good practice, so we'll GO FOR IT!)

I'm also lookin' forward to piano exam in July! Taking Grade 4. Somehow in RGS, it seems so common to be able to play a piano. And everyone taking mostly, almost all-ly, have a Grade 5 and above. (Like both HJ & Ryl have already taken their grade sixes earlier this year.)

Oh right, somehow my posts are super long, coz they're my records of events I do not want to forget. I guess more for my own pleasure and something to look back and read and laugh about.

Now, I feel like remembering the blessings that God has poured out upon my family. It's absolutely amazing. Just this year, a few major events that occurred. Over the MYA period little happenings that helped me through too. In the previous post I covered two of them. Here's another.

On Monday, I was starting to feel really really worried and afraid about Wednesday's math exam. It was the first time I felt fear over an exam. I always felt prepared and ready for them. For once in my life, I was not.

And, thank God for Ying Xin (the "Low" one) who immediately agreed to explain the mathematical stuff to me the next day. Yet, I was still not at ease, and even called someone else to help me. In the end, Ying Xin was helpfully coaching other people in their math. And I did not plan or expect it, but happened to "sit in". A few hours with her, my mind was cleared and I felt relief for Math, actually confidence too. It was a true godsend.

Somehow, I'm reminded of the truly absent-minded me too. There were so many times where I forgot where I placed my belongings. It goes back all the way to Kindergarten too! In K2, i remember vividly my form teacher reprimanding us for the numerous erasers we had lost. She even fiercely warned that if we lost another eraser, she would not buy a new one for us. We would have to buy them ourselves. Looking back, there is nothing so severe about it. Well, in our little impressionable child-like minds, he teacher made it seem like a very horrible deed indeed.

I suppose you'll guess what happened next! Yup, that very day I 'lost' my group's eraser. The entire table group was agitatedly looking for it high and low. Finally, I realised that I had been holding it in my hand all along. And I was the one who alerted the group to the "missing" eraser. But as they say, alls well that ends well!

I have a feeling this post is anciently long. But I have these events in my head that I have to write, or more precisely, type out. Last year in Sec 1, I volunteered to paint the teacher's day banner for our term 3 sl dance performance. It was all nicely painted and done up, safely folded and kept in the plastic bag.

I was carrying it around, and suddenly I realised it was gone! It was an agonising hunt for it, with all the thoughts and bad feeling going on inside of you. I remember clearly praying to God to help me find it, and I finally found it in another classroom.

There are so many moments like these where my life must have been shortened by 10 years! Yet another incident has come to mind. I guess no one can believe it. When Hui Jie and Mei Jun knew they kept laughing. It was a typical "my dog ate my homework case", in Hui Jie's own words. During some post exam activity, everyone was required to wear their house t-shirts. But I could not, because "my grandmother had locked the bedroom door [that contained the cupboard which housed my house shirt] and somehow lost the key"! All three of us, my grandmother, my mother and I were so concerned, I got my mum to write a letter of apology to explain the situation. I'm still saving the letter for keepsakes.

Gosh, this is truly long. I haven't really told you the situation that led to these memories. Today, I left my bag outside the PB room as usual, but I did not collect it right after assembly as there was a briefing in the KS Chee too. When I came back to get it, it was gone! Thank goodness it was in the GO. I think a fellow schoolmate or Ms Veronica had took it in after seeing it left there, prey to any thieving predators who might have the wrong ideas. Just another incident where being careless has cost me more white hairs on my head.

Okies, it's getting late and I have nothing more to say. (Besides the fact that I'm going to school tomorrow for a short briefing at 9am about selling tickets for a concert that would raise money for the Straits Times School Pocket Money Fund, if I'm not wrong.) Alrightos, I'm FINALLY done(:

Love,
Ruth
P.S. Do you realise I'm trying to space out more so that readers have an easier time reading. (Readability in English expositions!)

Yippeeyayee!!!

2008-05-07T22:14:00.002+08:00

Yay! Mid-years are over (I daren't say exams, they would probably last my entire LIFE). At least the school ones. Still have German tomorrow, but haven't felt the urgency for it yet. Gonna study early in the morning. Then I have to chiong Geog PT. BUT I'm still having that post-exam happiness and highness.

Today, 7th May, Wednesday is a "milestone" in my life. First time I went out to watch a movie with my friends (Huijie, Yingxin, Selene). Lemme see...one, two, three...eleventh movie I have watched in my entire life. And my third this year. I look set to break last year's record. I'm gonna catch IRON MAN this week with my family. And I hope to catch the Chronicles of Narnia in the June hols (even though I'm already going to America and Malaysia, leaving little of my hols left).

I just finished a book today. Picked it up at church on Sunday, started reading it on Monday until marmee took it away for me to study. Haha, it's nice and clean and relevant. It's called "The Guardian" by Dee Henderson. It's part of the O'Malley series. I'm gonna read the entire thing. Anyways, it reminds me of the other funny events that happened this exam week.

Started last last Friday. But I think I shan't describe it for the sake of young and immature readers (like my bro) coz it was quite sick. (hope i can rmb it next time) I guess I can share the next one that happened last wednesday? (Gosh, it feels like such a long time ago, had a hard time recalling the exact date). I was last minute studying on Tuesday for History, and I woke up really tired and feeling defeated. The feeling that I just couldn't care less about the exam and just dying to lie down and have a snooze. Fortunately, someone or somebody or something or some CLUB saved my day. Haha, found out from fellow Man U fan, Lynn, that we had neat Barcelona 1-0 to go through to the European Cup finals. Man, that really made my day and I was on a high after that. Brought me through both the Chinese compo and History papers! Gosh, I told my dad that he should be glad that Man U won as it helped his daughter pass his exam. (He was making fun of Man U the nite b4)

Haha...that's all for now. Watching American Idol now. Go the TWO Davids!

Love,
Ruth
(Right, the movie we watched was "The Forbidden Kingdom". Super mindless and cheesy and predictable, but stupidly funny. Eg. There was this part the characters of Jet Li and Jackie Chan burst out in laughter for no apparent reason, and somehow everyone started laughing for a good 30seconds! Lookin' forward to iron man.)

OM World Finals...Here we come!!!

2008-04-13T23:47:00.002+08:00

My blog is still rather dead. But this is a MUST blog. We won!!! LTP2DIV2 totally rocks. This would be my first time going to the USA. The atmosphere was really tense during the prize-presentation. I could not stop shaking my legs. I tried to stop, but they felt weird. We started squeezing each others' hand so hard. (I'm sorry this is so brief, but the feeling is a little indescribable)

Gosh, we lost all our voices cheering so loudly and so many times. Could really feel the RGS spirit. Everyone turned around to look at us every time we cheered. The entire thing was mixed with bitter-sweet emotions for me. We were so elated when we found out we were the champs in our problem and division, and that our senior team also made it. But after us, the other junior teams missed it by a little bit. And the senior muses team also just came in second before ACS (I). But we'll be appealing and I really wish they would get through. They put in so much effort and are much better than us.

Anyways, I think at the same time I'm gonna update my movie list. This time, two more are going to go in! And both were not planned for and both were after OM. And both were at Cathay Picturehouse. Both times I took bus 190 there. Both times it was raining. Both times I didn't pay for the tickets. BUT!!! The two shoes are terribly different. Here is the list, and the tally is currently...COOL...10!!!

Home On the Range (2004)
The Incredibles (2004)
Sky High (2005)
Akeelah and the Bee (2006)
Amazing Grace (2007)
Transformers (2007)
Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007)
National Treasures (2007)
10,000BC (2008)
Feet Unbound (2008)

Now, for a bit of a commentary on both shows. 10, 000BC was a tad too predictable and cliched, but enjoyable all the same. Here's a little synopsis:

A young outcast from a primitive tribe is forced to defend his people from a brutal onslaught in Independence Day director Roland Emmerich's fast-paced period adventure. Despite the fact that he is low man on the totem pole in his tribe of fearless hunters, a brave young boy (Steven Strait) longs to win the heart of a beautiful princess (Camilla Belle) who is well above his station in life. When an overwhelming horde of powerful invaders forces the hunters into slavery and abducts the princess, the once-aimless boy suddenly finds his destiny taking an unexpected turn. Now, if he has any hope of saving his tribe from certain extinction, this young boy will have to fight for the future to his dying breath. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

And I think you guys already know what the ending is gonna be like!

Feet Unbound is a documentary by a Singaporean director. It's about the women of the long march. The journalist goes on the trail upon which the Red Army took. It ends tragically with only around 10 survivors out of the original thousands. I learnt something new that night, and I feel all the more priveleged to be born in Singapore in a lovely home with good food, and having a computer. Instead of facing political turmoil, and starvation. The people in the army even turned to eating undigested grains in animal droppings when they ran out of grains of rice, grass, leather belts, anything that could be eaten, they ate.

I think it is a show not to be missed by Singapore's youth, people in my generation. It is a real eye-opener. And we are truly truly privileged.

I guess that's all for now. Gotta go do Literature PT now.

Bye!
Ruth

Chinese New Year

2008-02-08T18:20:00.000+08:00

This is only the second post of the new 2008 year, I realised. That is very pathetic. So here I am with nothing other than CHINESE NEW YEAR to talk about. My two cousins are at my home now, we're going to have a dinner of spaghetti together. Today is the second day of CNY. On the eve we had reunion dinner at home. Yesterday we visited Ipoh Daisy, Aunty Teresa and Aunty Rebecca's home.

My family is super duper cool. It seems that we have the same schedule every year, and take photos at the same spots at aunty Rebecca's home too. Uncle Peter (Aunty Rebcca's husband) was showing us the photos from 2002 CNY onwards to us. It's really funny to see how we change. Wait till we see photos ten years from now. (He also showed as a video from the 1980s, when my mum was not even married!)

My mum set up a photobucket account this morning so that we all could upload our photos. I think there might not be enough space. There are tons of photos. Oh well, just hope it'll work.

And I just realised i haven't done any homework either. And being able to wake up later than 6 is such a blissful feeling. Today we visited Ipoh Gillian, Uncle Danny, and our home! I think I'm jumping all over the place now, hope you can get my line of thought.

OH! My brother just accused my dad of prank-calling him. Which reminds me...we were playing truth or dare jenga last night...and I was dared to prank call someone. We called Uncle Danny, so I went upstairs while my bro and Isaac remained downstairs to observe his reactions. It kinda failed. The two boys were laughing, and I was giggling while talking so Uncle Danny thought something was fishy and caught me.

I guess that's all for now.

Have a HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

(:

RANDOM!!!

2008-01-18T22:24:00.000+08:00

I finally was able to post in the year blog! Yes! Aside from that, I have not posted in a rather long while. I think I'm settling in rather well to the new 2008 year, and the new schedule. I've been waking up at 6 and sleeping at 12, and I'm able to complete my homework and stay awake in class. Maybe aside from German, I had a little snooze on Tuesday, and Frau Heng purposely called me to read the passage...everyonew as staring at me...So horrigible.

Lemme think, what else happened this week? Oh yah! Tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY!!! And my I/C class is so sweet. They bought me a present (paper clips and a notebok) and gave to me during lunch. They sang a birthday song for me too! I love 110!!! Both the 2007 and 2008 years!

I know a lot of things happened this week, but somehow I can't think of anything now.

Alright then.

Bye byes!
Ruth

Sick on a SUNDAY

2007-12-30T11:12:00.000+08:00

I changed the skin again. I thought this orange one was brighter and happier (:

Anyway, I am sick now. My tonsils are swollen because my body is heaty. My mother brought me to the Chinese medicine place in Chinatown, and got some things that would cool me down. Well, my throat still huts when ever I swallow. I hope I get well soon.

Other than that, I am also posting to tell ya about my recent movie experience! Yay! My mother brought us to watch TWO movies. Alvin and the Chipmunks and National Treasures. So that adds to my list of movies below:

Home On the Range (2004)
The Incredibles (2004)
Sky High (2005)
Akeelah and the Bee (2006)
Amazing Grace (2007)
Transformers (2007)
Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007)
National Treasures (2007)

Well, that makes 2007 the year where I have watched the most movies thus far. The movies were enjoyable. One was cutesy, the other thrilling.

On movies, the three shows which I want to watch next year is Elizabeth, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and Batman (I dunno what it's exactly called)!!!

I should be resting now. OH, I just remembered. I just found out which class I was in for German, I got a chinese teacher... I hope she's insteresting like Frau Hwang...I REALLY HOPE.
And I'm in a different class from Sandra, another not so good thing, I was soooo hoping to. Sigh.

Anw, I should really get going!

Byebye!
Ruth

Reporting Day

2007-12-21T21:23:00.000+08:00

Yippee!!! There's so much to celebrate about. So many firsts. My first time wearing court shoes! My first time wearing blazer! My first time wearing stockings! My first time wearing blouse with culottes and tie! My first time wearing official attire! My VERY first REPORTING DAY!!! Yahoo!!

Yup, today was a new experience for me, especially with so many kiasu parents who are so worried and want the best for their daughters. There are so many funny stories of incidents with parents from people in PB and PSB! I wasn't an usher, so it wasn't that bad.

Class I/C-ing and selling of Rafflesian Products was interesting. (I wanna buy the cap and pullover!) But the people doing morning uniform had their hands absolutely full. Poor them. With parents who were impatient and weren't understanding.

And today was the day I found out my class! We were all so ecstatic and hysterical when the computer simply refused to open the document. Yeah man! Go 211!!! We're so going to have fun together!!!

Going to have dinner now!
(It's a nice vietnamese sandwich(:)
BB!!

Pre-Orientation Training

2007-12-18T22:02:00.000+08:00

Yup! So yesterday and today was the training. Basically, there were many powerpoint presentations on the various aspects of orientation. It was good so everyone could understand what was going on. We had revisions of cheers etc.

My main duty, is to be the class i/c of 110!!! Yippee!!! My very own class. I am looking forward to Reporting Day on Friday, and putting on the formal uniform together with my stockings and court shoes. Actually, they are panty-hoses, I couldn't find those just above the knees, so there was not much of a choice. Another new thing would be the blazer, and we're probably going to be steaming inside of it. Argh! Hot and sticky.

My skin is now blue-back. Result of having two accidents where I bumped into other people's bicycles. On Friday. With Hui Jie. At East Coast Park. My official first time spending time to learn how to cycle!

I've been lamenting that the school hols are almost over. I'm excited yet there's as sense of, "aww man". Oh well, at least I think I spent my time rather meaningfully in school rather than playing computer games.

Gotta go now!
Ruth

Project Red Cross Love

2007-12-08T20:07:00.000+08:00

Yup! So I guess I could blog on this since it is a rather public affair. Basically this year was its 11th year in the running, however it was the first time that their target audience was young children, previously it was the elderly.

First, they kinda any oh how assign us to different roles. I was so looking forward to chaperoning the kids. But it was just my luck to be assigned to the "Food & Beverage" Department. Just as well, we just spent a large period of time just sitting and stoning.

It was great to meet the Cedar girls, though. The secondary 2s were rather friendly, in contrast to their sec 1s who were really shy and stuck to themselves. (Oh, I forgot to mention, I was together with Sandra, fortunately). We started playing some games before a ma'am, I think she was called Nurul ma'am, came and called us away.

We helped transport the food from the van to the holding area and another ma'am started talking to us, and asking weird questions like, is your unit more training orientated, or community service. Well, we said that it was well-balanced. Then, she asked us if we wanted to eat first. It was then that the trouble came.

We opened the packets to see what we had, and everyone's jaw dropped when we saw that all that was inside was a few pieces of finger food. The ma'am suddenly became very upset and ran off. When she came back she was with this sir. They called the caterer and started screaming at the person on the other line. It was not very pleasant.

In the end, the organising comm ordered bee hoon and fried rice, and we had to repack everything. It was rather messy and hectic, but we got the hang of it quite quickly and were able to work well together. However, what surprised me was that the ma'ams were all so so VERY STRESSED and were virtually barking orders at us (perhaps this is a little exaagerated). I concur that they don't work very well under stress.

So, after lunch, we had to clean up. And after that we were free and bored and slacking with nothing to do. Sandra and I then decided to walk around looking for yearmates with their "children". Audrey had her hands full with this boy who was running all over the place, Vanessa was assigned to two Malay boys who were older than her, and Crystal's+Lingzhi's "kid" ran off with another facilitator!

So maybe it wasn't that bad that I didn't get to look after the children. Well, at the end of it (after lots of stoning) Sandra, Carey and I together with the Cedar girls had to form a human barrier. We were waving goodbye to the kids. Some were really cute and waved back, but others were plain rude and put their hands to our faces. In between, we were singing the boat song. Okay, I don't know the title of the song, so I'll just type it out here:

There was a fish (echo)
Just a teeny weeny fish (echo)
And the fish was on the worm
And the worm was on the hook
And the hook was on the line
And the line was on the rod
And the rod was on the hand
And the hand was on the arm
And the arm was on the boy
And the boy was on the boat
And the boat was on the stream
And the stream was on its wa-y.
And the moon shines high in the clear blue sky
And all was bright and GAY! Yay!

Haha, well, after that, I don't feel like describing it, it was plain boring. Sitting there. Noticing that another school wore the same black shoes with bright green laces. "Undressing" Sara's phone.

Overall, it was a rather okay-ish, average experience. I actually expected something more productive and interesting.

So, my post here is done.

Till next time,
Ruth

Just realised...

2007-12-06T22:43:00.000+08:00

Well, as the blog title suggests, I have just realised a lot of stuff. Such as realising that most people will not really be reading this but glancing through.

You know, it is so sad that the holiday is passing so quickly, like a bolt of lightning. It is just recently that I realised how time truly flies by. I know it not too long ago that I had set foot into RGS, now going on to my second year. Realising that soon, I will also be venturing out of RGS too.

So far, I have been living day by day, just kinda struggling through, looking forward to rest day on Sunday. I think, right now, my job is just to do my best in whatever I may choose to participate in. Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate what I need to do.

Hmm, I feel like sleeping now. We must spend around half our lives just resting...and even more time tending to insignificant, unimportant matters. My how much time is wasted!

Soon, very soon, as time cruises past, I would find myself old and wrinkled, crumpled up. Then, what would matter is not how well I did in my exams, school and career. But how faithfully I have stuck to God and reached out to others. What a wonderful day that would be to be able to be at His side and worship Him forever.

Now, I will try my very bestest.

Good Night!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Continuing on yesterday...

2007-12-03T07:50:00.000+08:00

Well, yes guess where we went after I rushed off for dinner? We went to a Japanese restaurant by Clarke Quay called "Sun & Moon". I expected it to be very crowded, but amazingly there was so much free space. And boy was it yummy. Mmmm. There was a special menu called Hokkaido something. I ordered lamb, and I got to grill it myself on a hot plate! Another more interesting dish was the sashimi, which was cut from a fish. No, hmm, how do you say it? They even had the head of the fish and it's tail there. That means we were basically eating the whole fish which was sashimi-ed. Hope you guys get it.

Well, just in case you might think that it was very expensive or extravagant. It was not! Truly, let's compare prices. Just the other day we went to Pizza hut, and the special offer gave 4 soups, 4 glasses of Pepsi, and 2 pizzas. It fed 4-5 people and cost between $50-60.

Okay, got it in your head. At the Jap restaurant, there were 6 of us eating, and we had all sorts of fresh food, as I have already described above. My mouth is watering at the thought of it. Anyways, for so much better quality, it did not cost a lot more. Only $100. Of course we cannot afford to eat like that regularly, but it makes a good treat that is not very expensive.

Hmm, I decided to do a "food table". Basically, how much it roughly costs per head depending on where you might go. Well, I based this if you only ordered one dish and not adding anything on.

Hawker Centre: $3-$5
Fast Food Restaurant: $4-$7
Food Court: $4-$7
Middle sort of Restaurant (i.e. Pizza Hut, Pasta Mania): $7-$12

I cannot think of anything else right now. I wish I could include other restaurants. But I hope you guys get it.

So, please chew on this food for thought, literally.

Great, so lame.

Bye!

Badminton Sunday!!!

2007-12-02T19:47:00.000+08:00

Yippee! Today was such a fun day.

First was church in the morning...and we were ushering. I think I did an okay job, could have been more enthusiastic and sure of my role. When it came to collecting offerings, I made a boo-boo. I started it off on the wrong side, so the bag ended on the wrong side, and they had to pass back to me again. Oh well.

By the way, RHEMA Conference is coming next Monday thru Wednesday!!! To all those reading my blog, especially yearmates, please come. If you want to, just email me...The details are...hmm, somehow the picture appeared on top. Yup, so reitereate, on Monday and Wednesday, it is from 7-9.30pm, and on Tuesday, it is the whole day from 9am-9.30pm.

Next, we had lunch. And then we played badminton at Marine Parade CC. I am so lousy at it, I suck. Haha, I kept laughing and giggling, missing all the easy shots. Well, my mummy said that I was quite okay.

But compared to the family next to us, sigh... They were so pro lah. Every time they smashed it was so hard. I cannot even smash. At all. My mum says she's gonna start aching tomorrow. She used to be a school badminton player you know.

Goodness, we have to go out for dinner now, and I feel so refreshed after the nice cool bath.

Alright then,
See ya!!!